There's an app for that!!!! I swear that's all thats going to come out of my mouth for the next few days. There seriously is!!! I used the cycling gps computer today and it's awesome!! It tracked my ride, time, average speed, and lets me name the route and will keep records of fastest speeds etc.

So I woke up at 154.3lbs. I figured it would be something horrible. I then spent about an hour pissing around with my road bike, cleaning up the cat hair and trying to get the pedals to work, before heading out (in my old lycra!!!) for a ride. Took an old road I haven't gone on for years, out to the lake. It was gorgeous on the way out, and on the way back I found out why I hadn't felt the wind thus far!!!

According to my new Livestrong app (yes, I can hear the groans) I managed 800 calories on that ride, though there was some discrepancy between two different calculators. Regardless, it felt wonderful!!!! But I think I need a different road bike. I could feel it in my shoulders and neck, like I was straining too hard and over-reaching. I'm going to look at new bikes on Friday, see what's out there for what kind of prices. I'm guessing they're going to top the Gibson!!! I also think I need a heart rate monitor just for curiosity's sake.

Work sucked. It was great at first, until there was a dropped tag, then a broken TV. Not cool. Not cool at all. Oh and I ate a shit load of junk as well. Yup, about 2000 calories if not more. I ate chips, m &m's, cookies, sweedish berries, pizza and a coke slurpee. I feel fuckin fat. I feel gross. I don't feel like puking like last night, but I sure wish my digestive system would get rid of this stuff a bit faster!!!

I'm also concerned about the amount of sick people around me. Colds, etc and I've started getting snotty and slightly coughy. Can't be having that!!! I can't get sick, it will seriously screw with the plan.

Which may be screwed anyways. I just got home and I'm 156lbs.

I can't eat very much tomorrow!!! Soups, juices, maybe some salad, tea etc. Must have a less than 300 cal day, and I hope it's not raining too bad as maybe another ride is due!!!! I'm not hitting 150 by tuesday, but I'm now what I was 2 weeks ago. That gives me 15 days to lose 12 lbs. 1.25lbs/day. I need to be 154.9lbs by morning, or else there's no chance in hell.....

I was 152.3lbs this morning and how I feel right now, I'm not going to be close to that tomorrow. I jumped on the scale when I got back from the gym and I was at a glorious 151.9lbs. Then after I just got home, 155, and I've just eaten 4 cupcakes. Ugh, I feel disgusting. I wish I could puke...

I used the sleep cycle clock on the iphone and I apparently sleep very deeply!!!! I woke at 9am but went back to sleep again and finally dragged my sorry ass out of bed at 10:30am.

Hit the gym a bit late, as is turning into the norm. Managed 15 minutes on the elliptical before the hour of training began. He changed it up a bit. Did a few different exercises and my poor posture is frustrating him. I think I'm frustrating him. He did make a mention about finding what it is that will motivate me. He's right. I'm not progressing fast enough, I feel like I'm barely progressing.

I did tell him my rib area was very sore but it's not almost agony like it was yesterday. He did pull me off one exercise to correct my posture and we sat for ages just talking. He was telling me about a ride he did, and I told him about the 35lb backpack. He said he was 2lbs off his October goal, and I'm 14lbs off my (what I tell him is mine, but it's his) goal. He thinks that my cardio isn't going as great a job as I'm beginning to adapt. I need to up the time spent, and intensity of my cardio.

We've changed my workout too. 3 day schedule instead of only 2, and less frequency, more reps. He's trying to push me, trying to get me to improve as I'm just not seeming to get anywhere. I think I know the problem. I'm so focused on losing the weight, I'm not getting enough protein to repair and rebuild the muscles. They're just staying the same. But that is my goal, my motivation. I want to hear him be shocked when I lose another (hopefully) 12lbs this month. I've got 2 weeks, 2 days. 9lbs to lose if I use this morning's weight. Fuck....

After the workout he booked some more appts for me and then we went full blown into iPhone mode. He wanted to see my new iPhone 4 so I let him play around with it. He was showing me apps, I showed him apps, we played around for about a half hour. I had fun!!! I love this damn phone. (oh, and he's a guitar player....)

I didn't do any cardio after as I figured I was already too cold by that time so I just went home, played on Billie for a bit, and wrapped the birthday gift.

Dinner with the 'K's was fun. The boy was so excited I was there, and I love seeing him. He's gotten to the hugging stage now so I received a marathon hug. For dinner I ate so much. By the time we got there I'd had a yoghurt and rice cake, less than 100 calories. According to the calorie app I've eaten over 2000 already. I had salmon fries, cheese bread, salad at the restaurant, 3 cupcakes with frosting back at the birthday gal's house, then I pigged out on 4.5 more once I got home. I still feel sick 2 hours later.

Tomorrow is going to be another stupid day. I've got that damn MIR with pizza and chips tomorrow night. I could go to the gym if the weather is shit again (it wasn't necessarily cold today, just windy as all hell.) but I think I shall go out on the bike. If I do a 2hr ride and toss in a hill or two, I should hopefully help to counter some of this massive overeating. On Monday I'll have to skip the gym, it's just not enought time between shifts. On Tuesday there's the yoga class, plus I'll do some weights etc also, Weds I have the next training, and Thursday more core. After the ride tomorrow I'll do some core work also. I so desperatly need it!

I should also have as much a fast day as I can on Monday. I may not have a hope in hell of hitting 150 on Monday (again, it depends on what happens on the scale tomorrow morning and how fast my body gets rid of what I ate today.) but I MUST do it early in the week. By weds at the latest. Hopefully all this eating did help me with the muscle gaining....

I ache all over. My ribs still hurt, my sides and abs hurt. Sitting up hurts, coughing is really painful and I think this all stems from the core training. However, smacking some vertabrae on that damn broomstick today isnt' helping matters. I hate to pop Advil but I think I need to so I'm not in too much pain tomorrow.

I hope I didn't fuck it up too much.....

What a morning!!!! 152.7lbs was fucking amazing!!!! How? Not a clue!!!

And by lunch I fucked it all up. I had some jalapeno poppers and a small fries that one of the guys bought me. Damn it was good, but around 700 calories :(

I went to the gym and tried the core training. I struggled. Mostly it was balance that I struggled with, and when it came to the retarded amount of sit ups I could feel my neck pulling. That's why 'S' had me doing the other sit ups. I could certainly feel it though! More now than during but I've definatly done a great ab workout. After I did some bicep curls and the quad thing before jumping on the elliptical for 25 min. Somewhere around 500cals should have been burned.

Then I got home and made the a similar dinner to last night, veggies with tuna and sauce. But I still kept eating. 3 rice cakes, 2 teaspoons of nutella and some chips and salsa later and I'm sure I'm so far out of this mornings weight I won't hit it tomorrow. I'll probably be fatter tomorrow.

There's girls at the gym that are so skinny. Despite my weight loss I'm still fat and flabby. My stomach flops around, my arms sag, and I'm not even going to imagine what my legs and ass do when I run.... Actually, I can imagine, I just don't want to think of it.

Really? 140 is going to be good enough? That's his goal, not mine. There's no way that 14lbs less is going to make that much of a difference. Even if it's 14lbs of fat and flab there's still going to be lots left to lose!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So..... It now depends on what I am tomorrow. If I wake up and I manage to hit 152.? by the morning, then I've dodged the bullet. Friday will be a day for low intake. Tea, salad, yoghurt for work, which is under 100 cals, then there's the thai soup for driving tomorrow night. If I don't go crazy, that should be under 300 cals for the day. If I manage that, then no food until post workout with 'S' on Saturday, I should be able to hit 150 by Sunday. Eat a modest amount of Pizza on the overnight, and then low intake on Monday. By Tuesday I should be under 150. That will give me 2 weeks to lose another 5lbs minimum, but I want 7lbs off.

However, if I'm not at 152 tomorrow and stuck at 154 that's an entirely different mess. I'll stick to the above food intake plan, but there's no room for treats or fuckups. I can only hope to be 150 by Tuesday morning.

Damn this. It's taking me over.... and I'm beginning to LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a suprise this morning!!!! 155.1lbs was a pleasant number to see on the scale this morning. It was much lower than I expected, and I should be well into the 154's tomorrow.

Managed to eat light for most of the day, having only a tea, salad and yoghurt. Once home had a few crackers then off to the gym. Managed almost 2 hours. An hour of cardio (30 min of 7/3 sets on the treadmill and 30 min on the elliptical) and about an hour of weights. Did the pecs, triceps, hamstrings, and the pulldown one but that hurt my shoulder a bit too much.

Grabbed a schedule, they have core training tomorrow but it's (I). I'm going to head down there (try for 6pm and get off work at 5:30....eeek?) and see how many others show up and how hard it is. There isn't a beginner class, same as the yoga. This way I'll have the core every thursday, yoga every tuesday, arrange the sessions with 'S' every Weds and Sat, then that leaves sunday, Monday and Friday. I could probably arrange another session on Monday??? Or skip the weds and just do Monday and Sat? I dunno, I'll talk to 'S' once I've seen what the classes are like.

Back from the gym (and they were right!! It does get busier, but after 6pm it starts getting quiet again.) i jumped on the scale before the shower just for curiosities sake, and I was 153.3!!!!! That's not gonna hold given how much I ate after the shower, but still!!! That was a pretty amazing number!!!

So, after the gym I had steamed veggies, with some sauce and half a can of tuna. If I actually manage to hit the core class I'm going to need the protein from the tuna. Tomorrow for lunch I'll have to do the same salad, yoghurt and I think I'll take some apples and cinnamon too. That clocks me in around 150cals and no time to snack in between work and the gym.

This stupid overnight on Sunday will have me eating pizza so NO snacking/treats Fri or Sat. I still don't know if I have to work on Sat or not. I have to drop as much weight as possible by Sunday, then have absolutely nothing all day until the pizza, then as little as possible the next day (which given how tired I'll be from the partial overnight, shouldn't be too hard.)

Depending on tomorrow, that goal of 153.3lbs by monday may be too easy. I don't think I can get the original goal of <150>

C'mon morning!!!!

I didn't do too much damage.... 156.1lbs this morning, only 1.7lbs gained. However, this puts me terribly behind on my goal to lose 12lbs this month. I'm supposed to be at 152, and by next monday, 149. I doubt I can drop 7lbs in 6 days. Especially if I eat like I did today!!!!

I have had about 700 cals, so much better than the last few days, but not low enough. I wanted to do only liquids today and I was fine until I ate those damn jalapeno poppers and ranch dip for 350 cals :(

So tomorrow I have an early shift and will have to go to the gym in the afternoon. I'm thinking a cup of tea in the morning, taking some tea bags also, a yoghurt and maybe a salad? That should hit around 100 cals. Get out of work right around 4, head home to change and hit the gym by 430. 2hr workout puts me at 630 and then depends if I get a call from 'S' but I may have some steamed veggies for dinner. That should put me well below 250 cals for the day and burning at least 500 at the gym.

I need to lose 3.8lbs per week for 3 weeks to lose 10lbs by the next weigh in. Means that by Sept 13th I have to be 153.3lbs. I need to be 156.0lbs in the morning and then at least 155.0 Thursday morning. That gives me Fri, Sat and Sun to lose 1.7lbs.

Last night when I got in I weighed myself with my pack on. I was 197lbs with jeans, runners and the damn pack. The pack weighed 36lbs. I remember struggling to get that on, almost twisting my back as the damn thing swung around, needing to place it on a table or chair in order to load it up without hurting myself. It's the same amount of weight I've lost since May. I'm really quite disgusted. I can't get my head around it!!!!

The trip was amazing. I love Oakland. I love Emeryville and I'm sad I didn't get to see Rodeo. San Francisco was a bit too wierd for my tastes but I experienced. Oakland is raw, and alive, San Francisco is on display. I have to go back. I must go back.

I love my tattoo. It hurt but not as bad as I thought it would and it's starting to get gross and scabby already.

The concert was awesome. Being so far back was different. Instead of a lot of watching, I got to do a lot of listening. They played Letterbomb, Paper Lanterns and a bunch of other rare ones. Santa Clause is coming to town was a funny one to be in there, and I love to hear Billie Joe laugh. I've also fallen in love with the song J.A.R. lately. Love the last lines:

Gotta make a plan, gotta do what's right.
Can't run around in circles if you wanna build a life.
But I don't wanna make a plan for a day far away.
While I'm young and while I'm able as I wanna do is.....

I am such a pig!!! All my hard work has probably been eliminated by today!!!! Yes, I'm on vacation, but do I have to go crazy? I'm not even keeping up on water intake and coz it's so hot here I'm getting dehydrated. I've eaten more sugar today than I probably did last month!!! I think I've had about 1900 calories and I wish I could puke.

Tomorrow is the concert and I'll need some nourishment. Plan is to get on the train by 10am, get to Mountainview by noon to check in (except checkin isn't until 3pm so hopefully they'll let me in early) then begin the trek to the ampitheater. It should take just over an hour to get there, and I'll pass the google building in the process!!! Must have LOTS of water tomorrow. 2L isn't enough!!!! I've also got about 2 hrs to finish the 1L I bought earlier. If I finish that I can have a cup of cinnamon tea before bed.

I'm tired.... lots of walking today, lots of fresh air. It was so hot earlier, especially around Berkley, but I think it was the humidity. After 5pm or so the breeze from the bay picked up and a sweater was needed but all in all a great day!!!

After getting up late I went to Berkley and wandered around the campus. I hiked all the way around the staduim which was under construction, and in the process crossed the Hayward Fault. Back on the BART to head to North Berkley and then the trek down Gilman Street. I can't believe that tiny place with grafittied garbage cans is it!!! It's perfect!!! It's where it all started, and I was there!!!

Headed back to the hotel for a nap then dinner at a cheep chinese place.

I miss home. I miss 'S'. I miss having a scale to look at constantly. I don't want to stay the extra night after flying home. I just want to get home and get back into my restricting, my controlling and my weight loss.

Crazy day yesterday, and it's only gonna get better!!!!! Drove up to my friends house yesterday so I didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn to drive to the airport (it's a 2 hr drive....) so I managed to mostly skip dinner. I had salad, tea, yoghurt and water at work. When I got home I had a rice cake, handful of chips and salsa, and took a 100cal cup a soup on the road with a vitamin water. So far today I've had a tea at the house, a tea at Tims, and one bottle of water. I had to work to resist the muffins when I bought the tea at Tims and if I can make it to SF without any food I can grab a light snack there before getting on the BART to Oakland.

Damn, I'm excited, I'm shaking, and I almost have to take my belt in another loop. I ws 154.8lbs before I left home yesterday. I bet I'm the same today. The goal is obviously to hit 152.7lbs by Tuesday and as of yesterday that was only 2lbs away. I have 5 days to lose 2lbs but I'm on vacation.... I want to eat and try new things, experience SF and Oakland but I have to do it in moderation. I've packed my water bottle and coffee mug so I should be good for mornings.

I must come back from this vacation less than 154 otherwise I'll fall behind.

At the airport, got tons of shit to do. I'll try to log in tonight.....