What have I done?

I was 161.7 on Friday morning. That was only .4 over my goal for this week, and I had got there 3 days early!!! Then I went away for a day and a half.

I didn't eat breakfast, downed a tea and water on the drive there. We started shopping at 10am and by 1:30 we were at the mall and my friend is hinting at lunch. I wasn't hungry, but I bought something anyways. Rice, veggies and blackened chicken which was pleasantly spicy. I ate the 2 bits of broccoli, a few mouthfulls of chicken and half of the rice and felt like my stomach was going to explode. My friend made several comments about how little I ate, but I managed to brush it off.

I had a blast shopping. I spent so much money (not sure how much as I fucked up my pin trying to find out at the bank machine the next day, so it's locked my mastercard until I head into the bank tomorrow.) but got what I wanted. I bought a pack, new waterbottle and coffee mug, and a fleece sweater at the first stop. Then at the mall I walked out with: 2 pairs of jeans (at least a size smaller than what I was wearing!!!) 2 pairs of converse shoes, a bunch of little hand cremes, sanitizers etc, some shirts (in a medium!!!), belts and more.

That done, we headed back to her place, long enough for me to change and then we went out for dinner. Ugh, more food. I ate the bread starter (mostly coz it's a huge weekness!!!) and had the salmon for dinner. I ate one of the salmon fillets, 3/4 of the rice, and all the broccoli. Then I ate even more by having half a smartie blizzard for desert.

I went to bed desperatly thinking of what I could say to beg off food for the next day and food poisoning was the only thing I could think of. However, morning arose and I didn't do it. Instead I sat and ate the 200 cal blueberry scone with the margarine and to top things off, my friend bought lunch after church and I downed a fish sandwich and half the fries. It just looked so good.

I'm now a wonderful 164.3lbs.

I haven't eaten since lunch. Water and tea only. I'm waiting for that call to the bathroom and hopefully it happens tomorrow before gym time.

I can only hope that most of it will be gone tomorrow. I'm not going to hit my goal tomorrow, but considering I almost got there earlier, I can probably still stay on track for the next goal. I'm supposed to be 157.6lbs by next Monday, that's 6.7lbs away. That's more than my old goal of 5lbs per week..... but I'll have to see what the scale looks like in the morning.

Tattoo: Not sure I want to get it where I thought, and the design might not be right. I'll think on it and email her to find out if it's cool if I change.

Looking forward to hitting the gym tomorrow and the plan is to eat nothing till Tuesday morning (except maybe a yoghurt before the gym in case I need that extra calories...)

This morning I was 163.0lbs. Not the hoped for 162.? but it didn't go up. However, to reach my goal on Monday I have to lose 1.6lbs over the weekend to clock in on Monday morning, and I'm not home all weekend. I'll be with my friend, her two kids and her parents who love to cook, and her sister who is a trained chef. I'm hoping at this point to maintain!!!

I went to the gym after work today (skipping out of work a bit early to get rid of the makeup, change and get there for a bit of cardio beforehand) but something had happened with the scheduling at the gym. I wasn't booked for today!!! I was disappointed, but sore enough to be ok with it. I've rebooked for Monday and will probably go for Thursday after work also. Gives me enough time to recover if I continue to be as sore.

I mean, I got off that eliptical on Weds night not thinking it was too bad, could barely walk at the end of yesterday, and am still having issues sitting today. I've stretched lots and think it's helping.

Today I did 25 min or so on the eliptical, with 10 min on the bike. I think I'm around 250 to 300 cals for burning off and am under 300 cals in. I had 2 yoghurts (the 35cal/yoghurt ones), lots of tea, almost 2L of water, and the tuna salad thing at 120 cals that I forced down assuming I'd be needing the protein for the gym.

It's not exactly a liquid only fast, but if I go from noon today until noon tomorrow with only liquids or yoghurt, that will have to be good enough. Depending on how much I eat over the weekend, I may have to do it again on Monday, assuming I have enough energy banked for the gym.

I can feel it starting to take me over..... After driving I got a whif of a cheese pizza and desperatly wanted a piece. I thought about ordering a small thin crust. Just a piece or few wouldn't hurt right? I walked out to my car trying to talk myself in and out of this damn pizza. Tea for dinner eventually won me over, but just having that debate was kinda fucked up. It's not the first time, but it did make me stop and think.

Here's to hoping it's all worth it and I manage to take a chunk out of the 1.6lbs left....

I HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even sit without pain!!! I was completely fine this morning when I woke up, but as the work day went along my legs started to hurt, then my arms. Damn this. I've got to go to the gym tomorrow and work hard. No fun if I hurt this bad!!!!

But I did eat salmon and a ton of steamed veggies for dinner (still under 600 cals for the day though!!!)

Work sucked. That big visit I was hoping to go so well, didn't. I basically got told that he's new in his role, we need to help. Basically shut up and deal. My concerns weren't important, and could be easily brushed off. However, I didn't cry which is a bonus as I've turned into the one who cries at everything.

Well fuck 'em all. I'll do my damn job, and I'll be one of the best. They'll have to move me up and I'll get out of this place.

Tired. Sore. 163.4lbs this morning (only 2.2lbs to go before Monday!!! CAN I DO IT????)

Not down much more from yesterday.

Another 'meh' day at work. With 'G' knowing about the visit it's all sweeties and sunshine right now. I talked to the D boss today and he said that it's new promotion syndrome and we need to tell 'G' how he's acting so he can correct it. I hate it when they say things like 'I know you, I know that you're brutally honest. I know....' blah blah blah. Yeah, I get it. You don't see a problem. Fine, I'll do what I can to 'talk' to 'G' and get this problem back under wraps. If I'm miserable, then so be it. The sooner I can get out of here the better and if I have to do nothing but keep my mouth shut then that's the way it will be.

After work was another thing entirely!!! Piano was early today, but good. He says he's seeing improvement (which is good as apparently the moment I sit at the piano I fuck up every other note, while at home I can get through the first few barres, repeat, without a mistake....). I've got to catch up on minor scales, get the last 2 of the first 6 major scales, and finishing the first page of For Elise. Sounds good to me!!!! He say's he'll have Bohemian Rhapsody by next week, and I may look up the piano version of 21 Guns (so pretty!!!!) or Viva La Gloria ( I can't find the upside down ! for that)

The gym was cool. Actually got to work out today. Started with some basics as he says he needs to see how my body works. Things like touching my toes, stretching out my hamstrings, and some other basic stretching. Squats were tough, mostly as my speed skating background has drilled a different stance into my head and I can't get my body to do anything else. Plus it was hard on the legs without any weights!!! Damn, I'm horribly out of shape. During the squats with a bar, I stopped at one point coz I was getting dizzy. I'm going to have to eat something more before the gym, more tuna or something. (I'd probably barely hit 150 cals before heading there). It was wierd a bit though too. I don't know how old he is, but I'm guessing he's only a few years older than I. He's got no problem getting into my bubble, and for a very strange reason, I'm not having an issue with it. Normally I jump, twitch, or be really wary but I didn't even flinch when he jabbed me in the side to point out the muscle I was supposed to be working. It's a good thing!!! It's just weird.... Once we were done I headed upstairs to the womens area and did some cardio. Started with 10 min on the Elliptical, unsure of how I would feel, but then continued with another 10 min, plus 2 min of cooldown on each. Did 15 min on one of those stupid bikes plus a 3 min cooldown. It was 133 cal burned for the second go on the Elliptical, and 90 on the bike (boourns bike!!!!) so I'm going to estimate that cardio alone was 350 cals. Add in the light weights, maybe 400 cals?

So today.... I've eaten about 500 cals (and that may be slightly overestimated), so puts me over 100 cals total.

As long as the BF % on the scale stops going up as my weight continues to drop.....

It's taken 3 months but I'm down 25lbs. As of this morning I am 164.7lbs!! I'm now down to the weight I was when I dated 'S' almost 3 years ago!

I've lost 10lbs since the beginning of July, but in those 4 weeks, one was completly fucked up by overeating to the extreme while camping. This month, with the exception of two days this weekend, there is no excuse for overeating. I should AT LEAST drop 10lbs, especially as I'm going to be going to the gym and am watching what I eat far more than I was last month.

This time next month I'll be in San Francisco!!! I'll be able to eat as much or as little as I want (though I do require one meal at Rudy's.... Haven't decided which meal yet but they have veggie options).

Contacted a chick about getting a tattoo while I'm there. Sent her the pic and waiting for her response. It's going to be costly (at least $175 US) and it's gonnas hurt. Right on my ribs, but I want it there. I also need to lose the weight and work hard at the gym so I can lose the flab around there otherwise I can't show it off!!!

I'm trying to think when I can do another liquid fast this week. Got work visitors on Thurs so I'm not sure that's a good option, and I drive Friday night and that might be far too much temptaion. With the weekend out of town I won't be able to do it..... Maybe Thurs and Fri?

Today I ate a lot! I think around 800 cals, with dinner being a 190cal tuna/bean/corn thing. It's got tons of protein which I'll need for tomorrow, and then a Lean Cuisine Raviolli at 260cals. I also went to Safeway (stupid me forgetting for the second month in a row NOT TO GO ON the first tues of the month!!! It was NUTS in there!!!) and bought frozen broccoli, corn/pea/bean mix, broccoli/carrot/cauliflower mix, and peas. I also bought celery and carrots to help replace fruit. I should be able to have a decent bowl of veggies each night and get the nutrition, and fiber I need without the sugar from fruit.

I'm excited for tomorrow!!!!!

First day at the gym and I burned exactly 0 calories... Yup, that's a huge number!!!!

It wasn't so bad. I met the guy I'm paying to train me for 12 1hr sessions. He seems really cool. We talked about where I used to be (back when I was 16 and able to cycle my way up anything) and where I want to be. I had to jump on the scales (!!!!!) and while I was 165.2 this morning (fuck ya!!!) their scale clocked me in at 169 minus runners. He then had me hold the fat calculator thing and figured out my 'lean mass'. I'm 31% fat, making it about 50lbs of fat I'm carrying with me. He figures that I should get down to 145-140lbs and anything lower wouldn't be very healthy. We then went over what I eat in a day. I told him I ate between 1500 and 2000 calories and have oatmeal, fruit, salads, salmon or chicken, veggies etc for my meals. I even threw in a nutrigrain to pad the numbers a bit more. Well, he said I'm doing ok, but to lose the fruit. It's sugar and needs to be cut back. Unfortunate as it's low in calories :( However he said to add more veggies. I can probably do that by substituting a fruit for some carrots. Saves me having to buy strawberries this week.

I asked about the weighing and measuring and he said not to do it more than once a month, and to do it the same time every month (especially as I'm a woman....). That kinda freaked me out more than the questions about food.

My first real gym hour will be on Weds and apparently we're only going twice a week for 2 weeks as I'll be too tired to go for more. Sounds good!!! Means I'll be burning lots!!!! Then we go to 3 times a week, and stay there until my body gets used to it. Hopefully I'll get to the 3 times a week, end the personal training, and then come by more frequently to just do some cardio the other 2 or 3 times a week.

This morning I was number crunching. If I want to be 150 by the time I go to San Francisco, thats 15.2lbs to lose in right on a month, and works out to 3.8lbs/week. That's do-able right? This I calculate it on Monday mornings, and for August 9th I would need to be 161.4lbs. With the restriciting and the one gym day I will have (except I will be heading to the city for the weekend so that better not let me go over!!!) I should be able to hit that number.

Well, this is an early post so I've got to get ready for work.....

Lower than yesterday, but not good enough. Not low enough. Not enough weight lost. I'm also concerned as my stupid scale keeps telling me that my body fat percentage keeps going up and down.

I decided I'm going to enter that photo contest. It's just taking a pic of yourself and a local landmark wearing something band related, and send it in to win some tickets. Any ticket has to be better than my tickets.

However, when I saw those pics it threw me a bit. Can you see any of the weight I've lost? Nope, not a damn ounce.

So once that ordeal was over I went straight to a gym and signed up, losing a chuck of money in the process. Doing the application they were asking all sorts of questions: How dedicated was I? How much weight did I want to lose? What are my eating habits? How often do I eat? I managed to waffle my way through the last two, stating it takes me all day to eat my lunch (which is true... I just don't even start until well after noon.) Anyways, I've got my first training session tomorrow.

That led to me jumping off the fast. I had to eat something as I don't know how things are going to go tomorrow. If I waited till tomorrow morning I'll get sick and I couldn't risk going there on a completely empty stomach and not having a clue what I was going to be going.

I've had about 450cals today, maybe a bit more (500????) so I doubt I'll be much lower tomorrow morning. On a better note, tuesday morning should be good if I have a good workout tomorrow!!!!