187.2lbs this morning... not good, but not as bad as I expected.
Not too bad a day, until I got sick. I don't know if I've eaten something horriby bad but it feels like food poisoning without coming out the intake.... It's kinda gross, and I wish it would stop sometime soon, but I'm sure I've dropped at least 2lbs thanks to it. Probably mostly water though.
Under 1200 cals today!!! No exercise as I'm afraid to stray too far from the bathroom.
Rain is coming down, hard. Pump is going constantly to try and keep the place dry. If I ever own a house, I must have one!!!!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Training was ok... a bit dry but it's done. A little frustrating at points as there's some real tools in the district. My 'table mate' was a bit annoying. A peanut gallery all in itself. Constant little comments of 'oh that's good', and 'that's awesome' and 'we should do that!' except they won't be on the team much longer! The impromptu meeting at the end was silly. I get the gist but if I want to say something and make a plan/statement I should get that option instead of being shot down by someone who won't be my direct supervisor in 3 days.
Anyways... one of the other gals spent most of the time talking about her boot camp and how much she can and can't eat. In the 2 years I've known her, she hasn't looked any different, well, perhaps she was better dressed last time. Mini skirt almost too short for decency, with these tiny heels that she didn't have the ankle strenght to stand on properly. Oh, and did I mention that the shirt she was wearing was the same one she hit the hotel 'gym' in to work out???
Enough of mocking others.... How can I mock others? I'm fatter now that I was on Sunday. I jumped on the scales when I got back and I may have gained everything back. So back to the restrictions tonight, and the exercise tomorrow.
I've got a lot of ground to make up......
Anyways... one of the other gals spent most of the time talking about her boot camp and how much she can and can't eat. In the 2 years I've known her, she hasn't looked any different, well, perhaps she was better dressed last time. Mini skirt almost too short for decency, with these tiny heels that she didn't have the ankle strenght to stand on properly. Oh, and did I mention that the shirt she was wearing was the same one she hit the hotel 'gym' in to work out???
Enough of mocking others.... How can I mock others? I'm fatter now that I was on Sunday. I jumped on the scales when I got back and I may have gained everything back. So back to the restrictions tonight, and the exercise tomorrow.
I've got a lot of ground to make up......
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I was doing fantastic....
184.2lbs this morning, went for a run, cleaned house, and had a total around 400 cals.
Tonight I was supposed to go out with a friend for dinner, then watch LOST with munchies. I was mentally prepared for a disgustingly fattening chinese dinner and was looking forward to it. So when she called to say the place in her town was closed for the holiday it should have meant relief. I could have eaten some pasta with veggies or something, and not gone over 500 cals....
Instead I chose to eat, eat and eat some more. I hit McDonalds and I feel full, gross and I wish I could puke. I've tried, it won't work.
I'm now stuck with the ridiculous amount of calories I've just stuffed down my throat.
Brush it off and say tomorrow's a new day????? I don't have much choice.
184.2lbs this morning, went for a run, cleaned house, and had a total around 400 cals.
Tonight I was supposed to go out with a friend for dinner, then watch LOST with munchies. I was mentally prepared for a disgustingly fattening chinese dinner and was looking forward to it. So when she called to say the place in her town was closed for the holiday it should have meant relief. I could have eaten some pasta with veggies or something, and not gone over 500 cals....
Instead I chose to eat, eat and eat some more. I hit McDonalds and I feel full, gross and I wish I could puke. I've tried, it won't work.
I'm now stuck with the ridiculous amount of calories I've just stuffed down my throat.
Brush it off and say tomorrow's a new day????? I don't have much choice.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Thursday sucked, and was ok all in one go. Started off bright and early with breakfast. I was only going to order egg whites and whole wheat pancakes but somehow the bacon and hashbrowns ended up on there too. Managed to to quite eat it all. Was going ok until about 1pm when 'J', one of my district managers visiting to do an audit, decided he was hungry and that meant that he and I must go eat somewhere. I ordered a soup, but it came with a pasta. The soup was AMAZING. So delicious! Ended up eating half the pasta order.
That part of the day ended so I went to get ready for the second part. 'S' and I went to the bar/pub and ordered a nice greasy burger as there wasn't really anything there that wasn't deep fried. Ended up drinking LOTS and having an amazing time. Nothing like live music, especially if it's good.
I was 182.4lbs that morning.
Friday was ok.... I didn't want to go for a run as it was quite warm and I could feel the alcohol still in my system. I swear I was still tipsy when I woke up that morning! I went down to the local guitar shop that was having a crazy sale and got a gorgeous new black guitar for less than half price. They have to fix a fret so I don't have it just yet....
Met with my friend 'S' after getting the car fixed and ate lunch with her.... a fast food lunch :(
Today, I slept late and after trying not to eat all day, ended up caving as my side was getting sore, like I had a cramp while running. Kinda wierd. Went for a run, just 20 minutes with no weights. Still have eaten quite a bit, but possibly around 1300 cals so far, which is less than my BMR so I'm kinda ok.
As of this morning I was 185.4lbs. Not going to hit the goal of 180lbs by tomorrow!
Going over to another friends house tomorrow evening to watch the LOST finale and eat chinese. Then work on monday, but half way through we get to leave for the training. BAH!!! This would be so much easier if I just worked!!! I must hit 180 by next sunday, then that gives me 2 weeks to be at 170lbs and at that point I'll BE in England!!!!
Time flies!
That part of the day ended so I went to get ready for the second part. 'S' and I went to the bar/pub and ordered a nice greasy burger as there wasn't really anything there that wasn't deep fried. Ended up drinking LOTS and having an amazing time. Nothing like live music, especially if it's good.
I was 182.4lbs that morning.
Friday was ok.... I didn't want to go for a run as it was quite warm and I could feel the alcohol still in my system. I swear I was still tipsy when I woke up that morning! I went down to the local guitar shop that was having a crazy sale and got a gorgeous new black guitar for less than half price. They have to fix a fret so I don't have it just yet....
Met with my friend 'S' after getting the car fixed and ate lunch with her.... a fast food lunch :(
Today, I slept late and after trying not to eat all day, ended up caving as my side was getting sore, like I had a cramp while running. Kinda wierd. Went for a run, just 20 minutes with no weights. Still have eaten quite a bit, but possibly around 1300 cals so far, which is less than my BMR so I'm kinda ok.
As of this morning I was 185.4lbs. Not going to hit the goal of 180lbs by tomorrow!
Going over to another friends house tomorrow evening to watch the LOST finale and eat chinese. Then work on monday, but half way through we get to leave for the training. BAH!!! This would be so much easier if I just worked!!! I must hit 180 by next sunday, then that gives me 2 weeks to be at 170lbs and at that point I'll BE in England!!!!
Time flies!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Scales were good this morning.
Couldn't get the oatmeal down, ended up tossing at least half of it. I had a hard time focusing today at work, just felt like I was wandering. I felt, not quite shaky, but maybe a little week, but as screwed up as it seems, it felt great!
For my run, seeing as I won't have time tomorrow, I decided to do a little more this time and went quite a bit more, but it only ended up translating to at least an extra 5 min out there. I think it was 35 min, but going with 30 min to be sure. Took water with me this time so that helped me feel not so quite as dead at the end.
Ate waaay too much after. I figured I'd do a piece of salmon (140 cals) and this pasta/veggie mix (250cals). That would have put me still under but I ended up tossing in some potatoes too coz the thought of them was sooo good.
Yeah, not so much. I couldn't eat them all. Managed 3 of the 5, all of the salmon and all the pasta out of the mix with a bit of broccolli. Had some sugar free jello after (5cals!!! I can handle that kind of snack!)
I'm nervous about tomorrow. We've not only got an audit, but in the process I have to go for a greasy breakfast tomorrow. What can I order? I checked the menu, some of those items are my entire daily calorie count in one single meal!!! If I thought I could get away with it, I'd eat then not eat anything all evening, but I'm going out tomorrow night too with my friend. We're eating before hand, then drinking aftewards. My beer is 153 cals/drink, so I'll probably have 2. What kind of dinner am I going to get there that will keep me under my limit?
Bah, what do I do? Should I just go over and deal? I'm off friday thru sunday, so that's 3 days where no one will see how much/little I eat. Can I make it up then?
As of right now, I think I'm going to see what the scales say tomorrow. If I'm down another 2 lbs, I'll deal. If not, I don't know. Maybe it's time to learn to purge.
Weight: 183.4lbs this morning.
Exercise: 30 mins running (about 320cals) and normal weights with 60 situps (guessing 50cals).
Calorie count: 1096 (!!! I thought it would be more!!!)
So, running with the BMR of 1963, with the 370 cals of exercise, I was supposed to need 2333, giving me a defecit of 1273.... helps make up for yesterday.
Couldn't get the oatmeal down, ended up tossing at least half of it. I had a hard time focusing today at work, just felt like I was wandering. I felt, not quite shaky, but maybe a little week, but as screwed up as it seems, it felt great!
For my run, seeing as I won't have time tomorrow, I decided to do a little more this time and went quite a bit more, but it only ended up translating to at least an extra 5 min out there. I think it was 35 min, but going with 30 min to be sure. Took water with me this time so that helped me feel not so quite as dead at the end.
Ate waaay too much after. I figured I'd do a piece of salmon (140 cals) and this pasta/veggie mix (250cals). That would have put me still under but I ended up tossing in some potatoes too coz the thought of them was sooo good.
Yeah, not so much. I couldn't eat them all. Managed 3 of the 5, all of the salmon and all the pasta out of the mix with a bit of broccolli. Had some sugar free jello after (5cals!!! I can handle that kind of snack!)
I'm nervous about tomorrow. We've not only got an audit, but in the process I have to go for a greasy breakfast tomorrow. What can I order? I checked the menu, some of those items are my entire daily calorie count in one single meal!!! If I thought I could get away with it, I'd eat then not eat anything all evening, but I'm going out tomorrow night too with my friend. We're eating before hand, then drinking aftewards. My beer is 153 cals/drink, so I'll probably have 2. What kind of dinner am I going to get there that will keep me under my limit?
Bah, what do I do? Should I just go over and deal? I'm off friday thru sunday, so that's 3 days where no one will see how much/little I eat. Can I make it up then?
As of right now, I think I'm going to see what the scales say tomorrow. If I'm down another 2 lbs, I'll deal. If not, I don't know. Maybe it's time to learn to purge.
Weight: 183.4lbs this morning.
Exercise: 30 mins running (about 320cals) and normal weights with 60 situps (guessing 50cals).
Calorie count: 1096 (!!! I thought it would be more!!!)
So, running with the BMR of 1963, with the 370 cals of exercise, I was supposed to need 2333, giving me a defecit of 1273.... helps make up for yesterday.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
It's glorious outside!!!! There's a light breeze, stars are visible to the East, there's cloud obstructing the moon to the west, and you can smell the rain. About mid day today you could see the dark blue/grey clouds beginning to form over the mountains and getting larger and closer every hour. The 28C weather certainly helped that along!!! The storm unfortunatly skipped us barely but it's hard to believe that 3 weeks ago there was snow!
Today I had to go to court to tesitfy against a man who stole from my work a year and a half ago. That was interesting... and very wierd.
Work was ok. The systems were down for a good chunk of the day so I didn't get a lot done. About 1pm I was going to allow myself to eat lunch (the oatmeal this morning was disgusting, but did the trick) then 'E' and 'G' decided to order lunch in and did I want anything. I tried to weasel out by stating I'd brought a lunch but they would hear none of it. I instead chose a tossed salad with Raspberry dressing on the side figuring at least I could choose how much dressing was on the salad, and salad in itself isn't too bad for calories.
It was HUGE!!!! I managed to pick over the first bit, trying to eat all the tomatoes first but ended up eating much quicker when a few comments were made about how little I was eating (which is ridiculous as I normally don't eat in the lunch room any ways... I use the extra office to work and eat...) Still managed to only eat about half before feeling full, and a tiny bit of the diet pop that was bought for me.
Once home I dashed out for a run before the storm hit (which it never did but we got the downdrafts as it was passing) and then back for some weights and a shower. Fell asleep on the couch until it was time for wings with the boys.
I thought about not going. Wings aren't exactly good or low in calories, but decided that I could go, only eat 5 or 6 of the wings, have a water and leave. Except tonight it wasn't the usual crowd, missing a few faces. I managed to pause at the 6th wing, then decided irrationally that seeing as the girl had brought me a coke, and I was probably already over my limit with that, I may as well finish the rest.
Ugh, I feel sick. I wish I could purge but the one time I tried that I just managed to make myself gag a lot and then had a sore throat for the next 3 days. I have a headache, and feel like there is a big rock in my stomach. I was happier being empty. If I hadn't gone I would have been so far under my limit it would have been awesome! Instead I'm stuck way over.
So now what do I do? Do I make up the lost calories tomorrow or just walk away from this one and promise not to go over again. I mean, Thursday is going to be tough as it is... I'll probably be over that day and I can't see a way around it. Every time this one district manager comes down we go for breakfast, and it's generally the eggs and bacon type of breakfast, so lets assume that's at LEAST half of my daily amount. Then in the evening my friend and I are going to see a band that hails from her hometown. Her brother is travelling with the band so we'll be hanging with him and I'm going to assume there'll be lots of drinking, plus typical bar food to help keep it in my stomach. (Ok, maybe not assume. I want to have a few drinks and get a bit tipsy and at the way things are going it may only take 2 drinks!!!)
I think it will all come down to what the scales say in the morning. I was a pound lighter this afternoon after my run than I was this morning so we'll see if that sticks.
Weight: 185.4lbs this morning
Exercise: 25min run, plus normal weights and 60 crunches.
Cals: 608 before I went out..... Add the wings (I'm guessing here... 120/wing including sauce = 1440!) and the pop (which came in a jug. I didn't drink it all but have no idea how much it was.... say 300 cals?) so that pulls in at 2378 with my night time tea.... SHIT!!!
Using my BMR from the other day and assuming that I've burned 300 from run, and 50 from the weights, then I should be at -234 for the day.... That's a far cry from the 1000 yesterday. I overate by 1100 cals. If I'd stuck to the water and 6 wings plan I'd be at -1250 or so.
Wow, I really messed up today.
Today I had to go to court to tesitfy against a man who stole from my work a year and a half ago. That was interesting... and very wierd.
Work was ok. The systems were down for a good chunk of the day so I didn't get a lot done. About 1pm I was going to allow myself to eat lunch (the oatmeal this morning was disgusting, but did the trick) then 'E' and 'G' decided to order lunch in and did I want anything. I tried to weasel out by stating I'd brought a lunch but they would hear none of it. I instead chose a tossed salad with Raspberry dressing on the side figuring at least I could choose how much dressing was on the salad, and salad in itself isn't too bad for calories.
It was HUGE!!!! I managed to pick over the first bit, trying to eat all the tomatoes first but ended up eating much quicker when a few comments were made about how little I was eating (which is ridiculous as I normally don't eat in the lunch room any ways... I use the extra office to work and eat...) Still managed to only eat about half before feeling full, and a tiny bit of the diet pop that was bought for me.
Once home I dashed out for a run before the storm hit (which it never did but we got the downdrafts as it was passing) and then back for some weights and a shower. Fell asleep on the couch until it was time for wings with the boys.
I thought about not going. Wings aren't exactly good or low in calories, but decided that I could go, only eat 5 or 6 of the wings, have a water and leave. Except tonight it wasn't the usual crowd, missing a few faces. I managed to pause at the 6th wing, then decided irrationally that seeing as the girl had brought me a coke, and I was probably already over my limit with that, I may as well finish the rest.
Ugh, I feel sick. I wish I could purge but the one time I tried that I just managed to make myself gag a lot and then had a sore throat for the next 3 days. I have a headache, and feel like there is a big rock in my stomach. I was happier being empty. If I hadn't gone I would have been so far under my limit it would have been awesome! Instead I'm stuck way over.
So now what do I do? Do I make up the lost calories tomorrow or just walk away from this one and promise not to go over again. I mean, Thursday is going to be tough as it is... I'll probably be over that day and I can't see a way around it. Every time this one district manager comes down we go for breakfast, and it's generally the eggs and bacon type of breakfast, so lets assume that's at LEAST half of my daily amount. Then in the evening my friend and I are going to see a band that hails from her hometown. Her brother is travelling with the band so we'll be hanging with him and I'm going to assume there'll be lots of drinking, plus typical bar food to help keep it in my stomach. (Ok, maybe not assume. I want to have a few drinks and get a bit tipsy and at the way things are going it may only take 2 drinks!!!)
I think it will all come down to what the scales say in the morning. I was a pound lighter this afternoon after my run than I was this morning so we'll see if that sticks.
Weight: 185.4lbs this morning
Exercise: 25min run, plus normal weights and 60 crunches.
Cals: 608 before I went out..... Add the wings (I'm guessing here... 120/wing including sauce = 1440!) and the pop (which came in a jug. I didn't drink it all but have no idea how much it was.... say 300 cals?) so that pulls in at 2378 with my night time tea.... SHIT!!!
Using my BMR from the other day and assuming that I've burned 300 from run, and 50 from the weights, then I should be at -234 for the day.... That's a far cry from the 1000 yesterday. I overate by 1100 cals. If I'd stuck to the water and 6 wings plan I'd be at -1250 or so.
Wow, I really messed up today.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Managed to crawl my ass out of bed a mere half an hour after the alarm went off. Went for another run, same route, same time, but managed to do a bit more running. It's barely over 20C buy still super hot.
Before I went out, I jumped on the scale. Not bad... one pound. I'm just cautious in case it's not actual weight, merely water or something stupid.
Tried mixing blackberries for a shake today... didn't work so well. Ended up having to toss in a half a banana and even then couldn't finish it all (though the entire thing adds in the calorie count)
Ran to one of the running stores in town, the same one that helped me out with new shoes after I almost blew out my knee, and bought a new lighter shirt and a carrying case with waterbottle. It's only supposed to get hotter and it hit about 26C today. I can't run in the evenings in that without some water and a lighter shirt. Not even close to being brave about shorts yet.
Work.... was work. It's going to be different with 'E' leaving and she's a bit short tempered about it. I just have to do the seperation now rather than later as I know I don't do well with change. However, I feel like I'm getting a lot accomplished! I felt more focused today than I have been in a while and got a ton of stuff done. The audit on Thursday is going to be a bit brutal, but 'K' will have to learn that I'm right about this stuff.
Ok, goals time... What kind of goals do I set? I mean, realisitcally? I would love to get to about 140 and see how things go from there, but I'd like to get down to about 125... That's still within a 'normal' BMI, just close to the bottom end of 'normal'. Can I drop almost 50lbs? How long do I give it?
Just coz I was curious I jumped on the scale after getting home. With some clothes on I was another pound lighter than this morning. I'll have to see what it comes in at the morning, but that 2lbs in one day. That's pretty crazy to suggest I lose 14lbs/week and I know it will get harder. Do I say 7lbs this week? By Sunday should I aim to be 180lbs?
Should be do-able...
Weight: 186.4
Calories: 1177
Exercise: 25 min of running and 10 minutes of weights.... so say 350 cals?
Total: 827 minus base rate.
(looking at my BMR... It should be about 1962 cals/day if I select the desk job/no activity option. I don't sit at a desk all day, only a few hours, but the rest is walking, constantly on the go. And not taking into account the exercise. Theoretically, if my base is 1962/day, plus the 300 or so I'm burning, I should requrie 2262/day. Eating at MAX 1200/day is a 1000cal defecit... meaning approx 2 lbs/day. How accurate is that? Guess I'll find out!)
Before I went out, I jumped on the scale. Not bad... one pound. I'm just cautious in case it's not actual weight, merely water or something stupid.
Tried mixing blackberries for a shake today... didn't work so well. Ended up having to toss in a half a banana and even then couldn't finish it all (though the entire thing adds in the calorie count)
Ran to one of the running stores in town, the same one that helped me out with new shoes after I almost blew out my knee, and bought a new lighter shirt and a carrying case with waterbottle. It's only supposed to get hotter and it hit about 26C today. I can't run in the evenings in that without some water and a lighter shirt. Not even close to being brave about shorts yet.
Work.... was work. It's going to be different with 'E' leaving and she's a bit short tempered about it. I just have to do the seperation now rather than later as I know I don't do well with change. However, I feel like I'm getting a lot accomplished! I felt more focused today than I have been in a while and got a ton of stuff done. The audit on Thursday is going to be a bit brutal, but 'K' will have to learn that I'm right about this stuff.
Ok, goals time... What kind of goals do I set? I mean, realisitcally? I would love to get to about 140 and see how things go from there, but I'd like to get down to about 125... That's still within a 'normal' BMI, just close to the bottom end of 'normal'. Can I drop almost 50lbs? How long do I give it?
Just coz I was curious I jumped on the scale after getting home. With some clothes on I was another pound lighter than this morning. I'll have to see what it comes in at the morning, but that 2lbs in one day. That's pretty crazy to suggest I lose 14lbs/week and I know it will get harder. Do I say 7lbs this week? By Sunday should I aim to be 180lbs?
Should be do-able...
Weight: 186.4
Calories: 1177
Exercise: 25 min of running and 10 minutes of weights.... so say 350 cals?
Total: 827 minus base rate.
(looking at my BMR... It should be about 1962 cals/day if I select the desk job/no activity option. I don't sit at a desk all day, only a few hours, but the rest is walking, constantly on the go. And not taking into account the exercise. Theoretically, if my base is 1962/day, plus the 300 or so I'm burning, I should requrie 2262/day. Eating at MAX 1200/day is a 1000cal defecit... meaning approx 2 lbs/day. How accurate is that? Guess I'll find out!)
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I slept till 11:30am today. Kept thinking, every time I woke up, if I wasn't awake, I wasn't eating. Finally got up to realise it was 22C outside and I still had to go run. Didn't go as far as yesterday as I could feel my legs sweating and I hadn't taken in much water when I got up. I think I need shorts (as much as I HATE to wear shorts) coz the black track pants and top are just too warm, and it's not even summer yet! I'll also have to get up earlier to run. No weights today as I feel like I'm running behind.
So far, eaten one rice cake (50 cals.... how I love those things) and a fruit shake thing... It's 3 large strawberries, one banana, and 1 cup milk tossed in the blender. I usually eat at least 1/4 of the banana and today had to eat an extra strawberry as they are just so delicious. That runs me at 275 cals.
......
Went grocery shopping today. Picked up a ton of fruit and flavoured water. Switched milk :( I like my 2% but for 40 cals less per cup I'll go to fat free. It's not like I drink the damn stuff. Just in my tea and now in oatmeal. My father told me that oatmeal is a great breakfast as it can fill you up for hours with just a bit. Perfect!!! Better than the whole grain croissants I was convincing myself were ok to eat.
Work was ok... Got the mapping done for the new computer system. Did a bunch of counting while the cleaners did the floors. 'K' was closing, but 'G' stopped by. I'm curious as to how this will all change and end with 'E' leaving. This week should be interesting.
Ok, tallys for the day:
Weight this morning: 187.7 (UGH!!!)
Calories: 1308
Exercise: 25 mins running/jogging. (apparently it's about 690 cals/hr) so.... about 290 cals burned.
Totally puts me at 1018 for the day minus base rate.
So far, eaten one rice cake (50 cals.... how I love those things) and a fruit shake thing... It's 3 large strawberries, one banana, and 1 cup milk tossed in the blender. I usually eat at least 1/4 of the banana and today had to eat an extra strawberry as they are just so delicious. That runs me at 275 cals.
......
Went grocery shopping today. Picked up a ton of fruit and flavoured water. Switched milk :( I like my 2% but for 40 cals less per cup I'll go to fat free. It's not like I drink the damn stuff. Just in my tea and now in oatmeal. My father told me that oatmeal is a great breakfast as it can fill you up for hours with just a bit. Perfect!!! Better than the whole grain croissants I was convincing myself were ok to eat.
Work was ok... Got the mapping done for the new computer system. Did a bunch of counting while the cleaners did the floors. 'K' was closing, but 'G' stopped by. I'm curious as to how this will all change and end with 'E' leaving. This week should be interesting.
Ok, tallys for the day:
Weight this morning: 187.7 (UGH!!!)
Calories: 1308
Exercise: 25 mins running/jogging. (apparently it's about 690 cals/hr) so.... about 290 cals burned.
Totally puts me at 1018 for the day minus base rate.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Independant Toomi
Where to begin?
I'm trying a new way of recording my real life. I love my LJ but I can lie there; I know some of those people and they don't know my reality. Hence 'independant to me.'
I've still got my paper diary that has been ongoing for several months now, but this is a 'better' way. It's not availalbe for anyone who happens to be in my house to browse. They don't know this exists.
Enough of that bull shit.
Today, is one month until I have the time of my life. Barring volcanic eruptions, plane crashes (!), illnesses and every other thing that Murphey's Law will try and throw at me, I will be there. I plan on getting as close to the front as possible. I want to get pulled on that stage.
Which leads me to my biggest issue. They've got to be able to pull my fat ass on stage! I'm 1lb shy of my fatest numbers ever. Since January I've been eating healthy, doing some exercise but all I've done is pack on the pounds. Yeah, I quit smoking on Dec 23rd but it's not like I ate more! I ate less calories than before, making sure to eat healthy stuff. In frustration I ran to the doctor after packing on the first 20lbs to be told that it's all my own fault.
I was a fat kid, packing it on around 10 years old, and finally getting skinny around 14 when I got a bike. I loved that thing, was always riding. Healthy as possible, gorgeous tan, muscled and SKINNY. At 16 I discovered alcohol, nicotine and the good ol' mary jane. Not that I did it all the time.
A month after I turned 18 and shortly after I flunked out of my first year at uni, I moved out. Free from my parents rules and dirt poor, I ate the free food from the fast food joint I worked at but I still stayed skinny. I went out drinking every weekend, mixing the MJ and the new found ecstacy for a really good weekend, and still didn't put on a pound.
The drinking and most of the drugs were gone by the time I was 23,24 but I loved my nicotine. I'd gotten a bit bigger, but was still within a normal range. I could go into any store and buy a medium sized shirt and have it be a bit baggy in some areas.
Years later I quit the fast food joint, then 2 years after that quit smoking. Then I pack on the pounds?
Dear ol' doc says that I've basically fucked with my metabolism for years with the smoking, drugs and poor eating habits, and finally my body has gotten everything out of my system and now I have a piss poor metabolism. Hello fat!
I'm done with that. It's gotta come off. One way or another it will. I just really don't want to start smoking again to do it. I've started running, not much as I almost blew out my knee overdoing it with shitty old shoes. I've gone out on the poor neglected bike a few times. I've gotta get serious but not quite sure how or where to start.
I think I've got to start restricting what I eat. Make a max limit for calories and stick to it. Make every bite count and record every morsel of food that crosses these lips. Making sure I do some form of exercise every day and upping what I do constantly.
Here goes:
Weight: Not tonight. Been a lot of food taken in today and so far 3 different weights. Weigh in tomorrow morning.
Exercise: 25 mins of running. (well, run 2 blocks, walk 1) and 3 sets of the 'usual'. (I have no idea what they're all called.)
Calories: I don't even want to know.... far too many.
Today! Got to see the Bodyworks display with Dad. It's kinda wierd. You forget they're dead until they leave the eyes or hair on... one guy had leg hair still left on and that freaked me out a bit. The fetuses weren't cool. They were from the 1920's so it was just wierd thinking that this tiny baby that died before it had a chance to live, and had it lived it would be ending it's life now. It would have lived through WW2, perhaps fought, it would have possibly had children, decendants, who knows, it could have found the cure to a horrible disease or something. That fucked with my head. Came home and did some little chores, went for a run, ate, and now chilling with the Gilmore Girls. Tea is almost done, then bed time with some Farscape to send me into dream land.
We'll see what tomorrow can bring.
I'm trying a new way of recording my real life. I love my LJ but I can lie there; I know some of those people and they don't know my reality. Hence 'independant to me.'
I've still got my paper diary that has been ongoing for several months now, but this is a 'better' way. It's not availalbe for anyone who happens to be in my house to browse. They don't know this exists.
Enough of that bull shit.
Today, is one month until I have the time of my life. Barring volcanic eruptions, plane crashes (!), illnesses and every other thing that Murphey's Law will try and throw at me, I will be there. I plan on getting as close to the front as possible. I want to get pulled on that stage.
Which leads me to my biggest issue. They've got to be able to pull my fat ass on stage! I'm 1lb shy of my fatest numbers ever. Since January I've been eating healthy, doing some exercise but all I've done is pack on the pounds. Yeah, I quit smoking on Dec 23rd but it's not like I ate more! I ate less calories than before, making sure to eat healthy stuff. In frustration I ran to the doctor after packing on the first 20lbs to be told that it's all my own fault.
I was a fat kid, packing it on around 10 years old, and finally getting skinny around 14 when I got a bike. I loved that thing, was always riding. Healthy as possible, gorgeous tan, muscled and SKINNY. At 16 I discovered alcohol, nicotine and the good ol' mary jane. Not that I did it all the time.
A month after I turned 18 and shortly after I flunked out of my first year at uni, I moved out. Free from my parents rules and dirt poor, I ate the free food from the fast food joint I worked at but I still stayed skinny. I went out drinking every weekend, mixing the MJ and the new found ecstacy for a really good weekend, and still didn't put on a pound.
The drinking and most of the drugs were gone by the time I was 23,24 but I loved my nicotine. I'd gotten a bit bigger, but was still within a normal range. I could go into any store and buy a medium sized shirt and have it be a bit baggy in some areas.
Years later I quit the fast food joint, then 2 years after that quit smoking. Then I pack on the pounds?
Dear ol' doc says that I've basically fucked with my metabolism for years with the smoking, drugs and poor eating habits, and finally my body has gotten everything out of my system and now I have a piss poor metabolism. Hello fat!
I'm done with that. It's gotta come off. One way or another it will. I just really don't want to start smoking again to do it. I've started running, not much as I almost blew out my knee overdoing it with shitty old shoes. I've gone out on the poor neglected bike a few times. I've gotta get serious but not quite sure how or where to start.
I think I've got to start restricting what I eat. Make a max limit for calories and stick to it. Make every bite count and record every morsel of food that crosses these lips. Making sure I do some form of exercise every day and upping what I do constantly.
Here goes:
Weight: Not tonight. Been a lot of food taken in today and so far 3 different weights. Weigh in tomorrow morning.
Exercise: 25 mins of running. (well, run 2 blocks, walk 1) and 3 sets of the 'usual'. (I have no idea what they're all called.)
Calories: I don't even want to know.... far too many.
Today! Got to see the Bodyworks display with Dad. It's kinda wierd. You forget they're dead until they leave the eyes or hair on... one guy had leg hair still left on and that freaked me out a bit. The fetuses weren't cool. They were from the 1920's so it was just wierd thinking that this tiny baby that died before it had a chance to live, and had it lived it would be ending it's life now. It would have lived through WW2, perhaps fought, it would have possibly had children, decendants, who knows, it could have found the cure to a horrible disease or something. That fucked with my head. Came home and did some little chores, went for a run, ate, and now chilling with the Gilmore Girls. Tea is almost done, then bed time with some Farscape to send me into dream land.
We'll see what tomorrow can bring.
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