It was a month... kinda a shitty month, kinda not. Bad month for weight loss given that I actually GAINED this month. I was 142.1 after the gym, but when I got home from work I was 144.5, then I ate a ton of chips, licorice, prunes, cereal and had some tea. Hopefully I can shed most of it overnight.
Stuck mostly to what I was supposed to, minus the binge when I got back. Still, not a bad day overall. I really have to redo the charts for this week. I'm not doing the month at a time anymore as it's too hard to keep going. This weeks goal is to be 140 by Saturday morning.
Work was ok... Bad numbers, didn't find much.
Gym was good. Legs felt great on the treadmill, only for 20min and then I had my own little leg day. Should've perhaps put more weight on the leg press but I was running out of time. Tomorrow I'll do more arms/abs and then on Weds there's the two classes. Thursday hopefully we'll go skating, then Friday go home :)
I have to find time to go grab some stuff before I go home on Friday. I'm still debating about making a chili with Bison meat, maybe seeing if someone wants to come over and help me eat it.
Yeah, I'm hopeless....
Monday, January 31, 2011
Inventory
Was tonight. I stuck to my GMO free diet. It was harder earlier today when there was a table laden with beautiful goodies I wanted to chow down on. It's like quitting smoking. I'm in 7 days, why do I want to fuck it up now? That's keeping me going.
142.2 this morning but back up to 145.6lbs tonight. I ate till I felt like puking.
Tomorrow is a 'cleanse' day. Go to the gym, have some tea, maybe oatmeal, go to work, eat salad and yogurt, come home and bed. Eat as little as possible. Then Tuesday Feb 1st, back into it. I want to get down to 140 by friday and see where I can go from there.
It's like quitting smoking. If I can get past day 1, then day 2, the rest will get so much easier. I've quit smoking. I can deal with the food issue.
142.2 this morning but back up to 145.6lbs tonight. I ate till I felt like puking.
Tomorrow is a 'cleanse' day. Go to the gym, have some tea, maybe oatmeal, go to work, eat salad and yogurt, come home and bed. Eat as little as possible. Then Tuesday Feb 1st, back into it. I want to get down to 140 by friday and see where I can go from there.
It's like quitting smoking. If I can get past day 1, then day 2, the rest will get so much easier. I've quit smoking. I can deal with the food issue.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Relief
I hadn't heard from Shaun by the time I woke up. I did manage to pass out even though my sleep app had me boucning from deep sleep to awake for most of the night apparently. I went to work, late, lots of snow, buying fucking coffee for the team and forgetting to get a receipt.
Finally just before noon I got a FB message from Shaun and almost cried with relief. There had been a few other posts on his wall from concerned friends and I think we all took a huge breath when he finally posted.
Tried out the camera and it seems to be ok so far. Have to take it out with me tomorrow to try it out in daylight to make sure the crack in the side of the lens casing isn't causing light to come in. If the sun is out tomorrow it'll reflect of the 2ft of snow that fell today making it super bright!!! If there's any issues they should show themselves!
Went to go to the gym today, but apparently it's not 24/7. They still close at 8pm on Saturday and Sunday... well fuck.
I was 145.0 this morning, bloated and crampy. Oh fucking yay. I forgot to take a rice cake and an apple to work and was starving by 3pm even though I didn't eat until noon anyways. I was 144.3 before I ate a bunch of chips and salsa and had tea. Hopefully I'm down tomorrow. No gym as it's just going to cut it too fine, plus i'll need a nap. Church then nap, then work is the goal.
I have to go to the gym on Monday otherwise it will be an entire week I haven't gone. I think tomorrow morning when I wake up I should do some situps, pushups, those weird arm/shoulder things, basically anything I can to help. Monday go around 9am to 11am then home and to work for the numbers download. Tuesday go after work, Weds same. Thursday I'm hoping to go skating, and then Friday go home :)
I think I should plan on getting back to 140-141 by Friday. Get back on track. I've got a GMO free Boysnberry soda for tomorrow. Loaded with sugar but it's liquid at least. No more chocolate left, and almost no more dried fruit except prunes. I need to get back to water and restriction. The 'free' week is over. Back to work!!!! There's a 130 number in my future!!!
Today has been a crazy day. I've wanted to cry from relief, joy, frustration and sadness. Such is the way of life. However, overall a much better day.....
Finally just before noon I got a FB message from Shaun and almost cried with relief. There had been a few other posts on his wall from concerned friends and I think we all took a huge breath when he finally posted.
Tried out the camera and it seems to be ok so far. Have to take it out with me tomorrow to try it out in daylight to make sure the crack in the side of the lens casing isn't causing light to come in. If the sun is out tomorrow it'll reflect of the 2ft of snow that fell today making it super bright!!! If there's any issues they should show themselves!
Went to go to the gym today, but apparently it's not 24/7. They still close at 8pm on Saturday and Sunday... well fuck.
I was 145.0 this morning, bloated and crampy. Oh fucking yay. I forgot to take a rice cake and an apple to work and was starving by 3pm even though I didn't eat until noon anyways. I was 144.3 before I ate a bunch of chips and salsa and had tea. Hopefully I'm down tomorrow. No gym as it's just going to cut it too fine, plus i'll need a nap. Church then nap, then work is the goal.
I have to go to the gym on Monday otherwise it will be an entire week I haven't gone. I think tomorrow morning when I wake up I should do some situps, pushups, those weird arm/shoulder things, basically anything I can to help. Monday go around 9am to 11am then home and to work for the numbers download. Tuesday go after work, Weds same. Thursday I'm hoping to go skating, and then Friday go home :)
I think I should plan on getting back to 140-141 by Friday. Get back on track. I've got a GMO free Boysnberry soda for tomorrow. Loaded with sugar but it's liquid at least. No more chocolate left, and almost no more dried fruit except prunes. I need to get back to water and restriction. The 'free' week is over. Back to work!!!! There's a 130 number in my future!!!
Today has been a crazy day. I've wanted to cry from relief, joy, frustration and sadness. Such is the way of life. However, overall a much better day.....
Friday, January 28, 2011
And The Shoe Drops
Well fuck.
What a fucking day.
Waste of a work day, systems not working, me not working, no one else working.
Shit night of sleep. Woke up marginally later than I wanted to. Ate fucking chocolate for breakfast, just coz it was there and I needed to get rid of it. Ate my oatmeal for 150 fucking calories. and went to work.
Ate all my lunch, including salad, for probably around 600 calories then home so I can binge some more. Then ate dinner. Had 2 poached eggs and steamed veggies. Followed by chips, salsa, chocolate, ice cream, dried fruit, etc. Probably another 500-600 calories.
In all of this I'm talking to Shaun who is having one hell u'va month, today being especially shitty. He makes some crack about taking a 'dirt nap' and has gone offline. I can't get hold of him. Do I think he'll do something stupid? I sure as hell hope not. Regardless, I'm worried. I want him to at least send me a message, drunk or whatever, let me know he's ok. I'm really hoping he will get this all figured out. I'm not going home on the weekend to find out that he's no longer there as he got decertified.
To top it all off we took the kids for a walk as I decided not to go to the gym thanks to the back of my legs being sore again. This time I wasn't going to push it. We got about 5 houses down before I fell on the ice, landed on my beautiful camera, and I could feel it in my arm. Stood up, said I was fine, went a few more houses and then my nephew slipped. I went down right after. (it was snowing and hiding all the black ice... we all fell at that point).
The camera seems to be fine, despite a definate hit to the lens. I think it's ok. I need to take more photos to be sure. My wrist hurt at first, but I think it's fine now. I'm gettting shooting pains down my collarbone, from my elbow, and in my thumb.
FUCK
To top it all off, I'm 145lbs. Maybe higher now.
This month is a write off. Thank fuck it's almost over. I can't wait until this weekend is over, the week finishes and I can drive home on Friday. I want to see Shaun, go to my chiropractor, sleep in my own bed, and be alone for a while.
I feel like I'm out of control again. I eat whatever I want. Last night I went to the natural food store as it's GMO free in all their products. I ate half a banana bread, a massive brownie, a cookie and almost bought bread too. I would have kept eating and eating and eating.
Still having the digestive issues, and today I managed to throw up a bit without trying too hard. Again, only a tiny bit and none of this sticking my fingers down my throat. I just felt sick so I was. Mostly while I was having a freakout about Shaun.
I have no chocolate left. I have some soy ice cream (that isn't that good), chips and salsa, a tiny bit of licorice, prunes and dried pinapple. I have some chilli, a bean burrito and the rest is low cal. I need to go get some Omega 3-6-9 stuff to help with metabolism and digestion as that was Shauns suggestion when I complained I was hungry and wasn't dropping pounds.
I can't do this healthy by moderation thing. I just pig out on shit I'm not supposed to eat. I miss the restriction, the flat belly, the numbers, the charts, the feeling of floating on air when I hit that beautiful number I wanted to.
I need to go back.
Right now I think my goal needs to be to get back to 140. I need to do that by Saturday morning, giving me a week. I've pretty much established that I don't eat 'normal' food at the new store so there's nothing there to tempt me. No damn quarter candy machines etc. I need to get on board again. 130 is the new 140.
Tomorrow, half of the oatmeal and coffee. Half portion of yogurt, then a salad and dressing. I've got an apple, rice cake and tea. I have several options for the evening. I can go to some party from 5 to 7 or so, manage to skip dinner and can't eat the treats that's served (I'm doing really well with this so far. It's almost like quitting smoking. I don't want to screw it up just once as I'll have to start all over again). I could go to the gym then at around 8pm, work out for 3 hrs and come home. Sleep, wake up and go to church, home and nap, then work. Sunday take the burrito and salad with yogurt and I'm good for the evening. Monday a light day with no gym, then back to it on Tuesday. I should be able to drop the 5lbs in 7 days.... Especially if the first 3 come off in 2 days.
I can do this. I know I can.
Now if only Shaun would let me know he's ok.
What a fucking day.
Waste of a work day, systems not working, me not working, no one else working.
Shit night of sleep. Woke up marginally later than I wanted to. Ate fucking chocolate for breakfast, just coz it was there and I needed to get rid of it. Ate my oatmeal for 150 fucking calories. and went to work.
Ate all my lunch, including salad, for probably around 600 calories then home so I can binge some more. Then ate dinner. Had 2 poached eggs and steamed veggies. Followed by chips, salsa, chocolate, ice cream, dried fruit, etc. Probably another 500-600 calories.
In all of this I'm talking to Shaun who is having one hell u'va month, today being especially shitty. He makes some crack about taking a 'dirt nap' and has gone offline. I can't get hold of him. Do I think he'll do something stupid? I sure as hell hope not. Regardless, I'm worried. I want him to at least send me a message, drunk or whatever, let me know he's ok. I'm really hoping he will get this all figured out. I'm not going home on the weekend to find out that he's no longer there as he got decertified.
To top it all off we took the kids for a walk as I decided not to go to the gym thanks to the back of my legs being sore again. This time I wasn't going to push it. We got about 5 houses down before I fell on the ice, landed on my beautiful camera, and I could feel it in my arm. Stood up, said I was fine, went a few more houses and then my nephew slipped. I went down right after. (it was snowing and hiding all the black ice... we all fell at that point).
The camera seems to be fine, despite a definate hit to the lens. I think it's ok. I need to take more photos to be sure. My wrist hurt at first, but I think it's fine now. I'm gettting shooting pains down my collarbone, from my elbow, and in my thumb.
FUCK
To top it all off, I'm 145lbs. Maybe higher now.
This month is a write off. Thank fuck it's almost over. I can't wait until this weekend is over, the week finishes and I can drive home on Friday. I want to see Shaun, go to my chiropractor, sleep in my own bed, and be alone for a while.
I feel like I'm out of control again. I eat whatever I want. Last night I went to the natural food store as it's GMO free in all their products. I ate half a banana bread, a massive brownie, a cookie and almost bought bread too. I would have kept eating and eating and eating.
Still having the digestive issues, and today I managed to throw up a bit without trying too hard. Again, only a tiny bit and none of this sticking my fingers down my throat. I just felt sick so I was. Mostly while I was having a freakout about Shaun.
I have no chocolate left. I have some soy ice cream (that isn't that good), chips and salsa, a tiny bit of licorice, prunes and dried pinapple. I have some chilli, a bean burrito and the rest is low cal. I need to go get some Omega 3-6-9 stuff to help with metabolism and digestion as that was Shauns suggestion when I complained I was hungry and wasn't dropping pounds.
I can't do this healthy by moderation thing. I just pig out on shit I'm not supposed to eat. I miss the restriction, the flat belly, the numbers, the charts, the feeling of floating on air when I hit that beautiful number I wanted to.
I need to go back.
Right now I think my goal needs to be to get back to 140. I need to do that by Saturday morning, giving me a week. I've pretty much established that I don't eat 'normal' food at the new store so there's nothing there to tempt me. No damn quarter candy machines etc. I need to get on board again. 130 is the new 140.
Tomorrow, half of the oatmeal and coffee. Half portion of yogurt, then a salad and dressing. I've got an apple, rice cake and tea. I have several options for the evening. I can go to some party from 5 to 7 or so, manage to skip dinner and can't eat the treats that's served (I'm doing really well with this so far. It's almost like quitting smoking. I don't want to screw it up just once as I'll have to start all over again). I could go to the gym then at around 8pm, work out for 3 hrs and come home. Sleep, wake up and go to church, home and nap, then work. Sunday take the burrito and salad with yogurt and I'm good for the evening. Monday a light day with no gym, then back to it on Tuesday. I should be able to drop the 5lbs in 7 days.... Especially if the first 3 come off in 2 days.
I can do this. I know I can.
Now if only Shaun would let me know he's ok.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Uh....
As much as I'd like to start this off with work stuff, unforunatly something more pressing is happening. New diet day 3 and it feels like my digestive system is finally catching up. In a BIG way. I've done nothing but run/dash/sprint to the bathroom all day, probably helped by the prunes and licorice, and now while I feel full, there's not much more 'moving' anymore.
I was 140.9lbs this morning, and 144.2 post tea about an hour ago which sucks.
I swear this diet is making me eat way more. I said fine for a week so I can get used to not haveing the GMO's or HFCS in my system, but I think that grace period may end now. I'm not doing any charts until Monday morning, but I'd like to start Feb hovering right below 140.0. I'll take 139.9 right now!
Gym today, did the Zumba and body blast program so I'll be achy tomorrow. Thinking on taking the day off, or I'll go later and just do some light cardio. Maybe take a walk instead after work with the camera? I still ate a ton, and I'm not recording all of it either. I'm also eating a ton more sugar than usual.
The chocolate is all finished, and the chips are almost done. Tomorrow I need to wisely space my food out. I'll have the oatmeal in the morning, yogurt around 11am (I'll do the full portion as it may keep me fuller longer) then the salad around 1pm or so, with the salmon. Fill up on water, have late afternoon tea. Take carrots, apple, rice cake and no burrito as there'll be no gym. If I stick to that, then I can have chilli tomorrow, or maybe the pasta. Hopefully that will instigate a weight loss for Friday morning.
Work is cool. Got to go to my new store and the GM is awesome. I got to basically make my own schedule and he's totally cool with me doing whatever I need to do. He wants the help so I'm very eager to jump right in. It's going to be fun!!!
Figured things out a bit with Shaun and my gym membership. I'm still going to work with him and will transfer memeberhisp only in April. I'm hoping that the friendship will become stronger, and I really am curious to see what this new diet will do to my weight, BMI, BF % etc. I think he may be too so it'll be good to go through this.
My mind is in several different places. I keep thinking that 130 will look so good. That at 130 I will be stronger, leaner, and look so much healthier. I can blame the GMO free diet for the loss.
But I want to keep the muscle mass up. I've felt great the last few days, I don't want to lose that.
I'm too tired for this shit tonight. Bed, work then thinking (and a lot of catch up!!!)
I was 140.9lbs this morning, and 144.2 post tea about an hour ago which sucks.
I swear this diet is making me eat way more. I said fine for a week so I can get used to not haveing the GMO's or HFCS in my system, but I think that grace period may end now. I'm not doing any charts until Monday morning, but I'd like to start Feb hovering right below 140.0. I'll take 139.9 right now!
Gym today, did the Zumba and body blast program so I'll be achy tomorrow. Thinking on taking the day off, or I'll go later and just do some light cardio. Maybe take a walk instead after work with the camera? I still ate a ton, and I'm not recording all of it either. I'm also eating a ton more sugar than usual.
The chocolate is all finished, and the chips are almost done. Tomorrow I need to wisely space my food out. I'll have the oatmeal in the morning, yogurt around 11am (I'll do the full portion as it may keep me fuller longer) then the salad around 1pm or so, with the salmon. Fill up on water, have late afternoon tea. Take carrots, apple, rice cake and no burrito as there'll be no gym. If I stick to that, then I can have chilli tomorrow, or maybe the pasta. Hopefully that will instigate a weight loss for Friday morning.
Work is cool. Got to go to my new store and the GM is awesome. I got to basically make my own schedule and he's totally cool with me doing whatever I need to do. He wants the help so I'm very eager to jump right in. It's going to be fun!!!
Figured things out a bit with Shaun and my gym membership. I'm still going to work with him and will transfer memeberhisp only in April. I'm hoping that the friendship will become stronger, and I really am curious to see what this new diet will do to my weight, BMI, BF % etc. I think he may be too so it'll be good to go through this.
My mind is in several different places. I keep thinking that 130 will look so good. That at 130 I will be stronger, leaner, and look so much healthier. I can blame the GMO free diet for the loss.
But I want to keep the muscle mass up. I've felt great the last few days, I don't want to lose that.
I'm too tired for this shit tonight. Bed, work then thinking (and a lot of catch up!!!)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The Offer
Wasn't expecting it today, knew it would be coming, but not sure what form it would take. I won't be tied to a store, they're 'creating' a job for me, but I'll still be coded the same. I will get to travel around to the different stores and help them with their processes etc. Basically something that I would love to do as a permenent job. It's a fantastic opportunity. Then when the new store opens, I would be once again tied to a store, and hopefully it will be the new store.
It's what I wanted....right?
I keep thinking on what I will miss. I'll miss my house, my cats, my fireplace. I'll miss being on my own (I'll have to have a roomate... too expensive otherwise), watching TV whenever I want or having complete quiet.
I'll miss Shaun and seeing him at least twice a week. I'll miss his humour and his uncanny ability to make me laugh regardless of how shitty a day I'm having. I'll miss the gym, how it's not super warm like the gym here, and the classes I wont' be able to take anymore.
I'll miss my store, and the people there. I'll miss the way the light POURS in during fall and spring, blinding everyone. I'll miss looking out of the front window and seeing all the way to the mountains, watching the sun go down on a crisp winter evening.
I'll miss Shannon and her son, hanging out at her place having a good laugh. I'll miss driving on the weekend, hanging with the guys there and the extra cash it brought in.
I'll miss my home.
But....
The gym here has a pool. I love the Zumba class and the body blast isn't too bad. I like Maya, the instructor. I like how it's 24/7 so I can always get a workout if I can get my ass up early enough!
There's more opportunity here. The challenge will be amazing, it will totally get me the cred I need to move on and get into CHQ. I will get to 'expand my horizons' in ways I never could back home.
I will still see Shaun. I've sent him a few messages checking if things would still be cool and while things will change, I'll still have him as my trainer.
I'll still having camping with Shannon, like we did the last time I moved up here. Once I move out of Stephs place our relationship will go back to a friendship instead of a wierd 'roomate' feeling where I keep to myself and she 'mothers' me or at least attempts to. I'll stop feeling like I'm constantly on the go and can settle down.
I said yes of course to the offer. At this point I can't say no, but I'm not sure I would anyways.
Today, started off great. I ate properly, felt famished by noon and ate lunch. Then by 3pm was STARVING. I ended up buying a bean burrito (GMO Free of course) , chips and chocolate and had a good ol' pig out. I hit the gym a bit full, and then went to a natural store (had a hard time as their labels don't indicate nutritional content other than ingredients and no GMO certification) where I bought more food to munch on. I was 140.9 this morning, post tea I was 142.5lbs. I just want to stay under 141 for tomorrow.
I think this week I will 'take off' due to the change in diet. By that I mean no charts and no goals to lose. I just want to stay 139-141lbs. If I can hang there until Monday I should have quite succesfully stabilised my metabolism.
And then we'll see where that goes.
I feel amazing right now (well, not right now. Right now I still feel full....) but I feel strong and full of energy. I'm still jazzed by the numbers from yesterday, the 3lbs of muscle gain and 1lbs fat lost. However, in the back of my mind I keep thinking that 135 will just look so much better, and will be a low weight. It will be the lowest since I was a teenager. Next one would be around 127-129 and I think I was that when I was 12 or so. I think Shauns fat measurement had me at 21.3% even though my scale is way higher than that. I want to get into that 'lean' category which I think is in the 20% area. I just don't want to sacrifice muscle.
I want to see how this eating and exercising will help. If I continue to drop this week, I can only imagine what I will do next week without the junk food in there too. Plenty of fresh foods coming up!!! When I go home I'll have to make a chilli or something and freeze it. Plenty of protein in there!!!
Damn, I feel better now. Calmer, ready for bed.....
It's what I wanted....right?
I keep thinking on what I will miss. I'll miss my house, my cats, my fireplace. I'll miss being on my own (I'll have to have a roomate... too expensive otherwise), watching TV whenever I want or having complete quiet.
I'll miss Shaun and seeing him at least twice a week. I'll miss his humour and his uncanny ability to make me laugh regardless of how shitty a day I'm having. I'll miss the gym, how it's not super warm like the gym here, and the classes I wont' be able to take anymore.
I'll miss my store, and the people there. I'll miss the way the light POURS in during fall and spring, blinding everyone. I'll miss looking out of the front window and seeing all the way to the mountains, watching the sun go down on a crisp winter evening.
I'll miss Shannon and her son, hanging out at her place having a good laugh. I'll miss driving on the weekend, hanging with the guys there and the extra cash it brought in.
I'll miss my home.
But....
The gym here has a pool. I love the Zumba class and the body blast isn't too bad. I like Maya, the instructor. I like how it's 24/7 so I can always get a workout if I can get my ass up early enough!
There's more opportunity here. The challenge will be amazing, it will totally get me the cred I need to move on and get into CHQ. I will get to 'expand my horizons' in ways I never could back home.
I will still see Shaun. I've sent him a few messages checking if things would still be cool and while things will change, I'll still have him as my trainer.
I'll still having camping with Shannon, like we did the last time I moved up here. Once I move out of Stephs place our relationship will go back to a friendship instead of a wierd 'roomate' feeling where I keep to myself and she 'mothers' me or at least attempts to. I'll stop feeling like I'm constantly on the go and can settle down.
I said yes of course to the offer. At this point I can't say no, but I'm not sure I would anyways.
Today, started off great. I ate properly, felt famished by noon and ate lunch. Then by 3pm was STARVING. I ended up buying a bean burrito (GMO Free of course) , chips and chocolate and had a good ol' pig out. I hit the gym a bit full, and then went to a natural store (had a hard time as their labels don't indicate nutritional content other than ingredients and no GMO certification) where I bought more food to munch on. I was 140.9 this morning, post tea I was 142.5lbs. I just want to stay under 141 for tomorrow.
I think this week I will 'take off' due to the change in diet. By that I mean no charts and no goals to lose. I just want to stay 139-141lbs. If I can hang there until Monday I should have quite succesfully stabilised my metabolism.
And then we'll see where that goes.
I feel amazing right now (well, not right now. Right now I still feel full....) but I feel strong and full of energy. I'm still jazzed by the numbers from yesterday, the 3lbs of muscle gain and 1lbs fat lost. However, in the back of my mind I keep thinking that 135 will just look so much better, and will be a low weight. It will be the lowest since I was a teenager. Next one would be around 127-129 and I think I was that when I was 12 or so. I think Shauns fat measurement had me at 21.3% even though my scale is way higher than that. I want to get into that 'lean' category which I think is in the 20% area. I just don't want to sacrifice muscle.
I want to see how this eating and exercising will help. If I continue to drop this week, I can only imagine what I will do next week without the junk food in there too. Plenty of fresh foods coming up!!! When I go home I'll have to make a chilli or something and freeze it. Plenty of protein in there!!!
Damn, I feel better now. Calmer, ready for bed.....
Monday, January 24, 2011
Day One
I woke up late, but got almost everything accomplised by the time I hit the gym. We did do measurements and I was 144 on that scale, 141.7lbs at home. Yup, so I've gained a lb according to Shaun, however it worked out to a lb of fat lost, and 3lbs of muscle gained. He's happy, I was kinda.
I was on the elliptical and saw two guys from 'my' store and the one guys girlfriend. Shaun was asking if he was working on the side or anything like that. They left right after we got started though, thank goodness.
Chin up day but we spent so much time babbling again we skipped the assisted ones. Probably not a bad idea as I managed to do the jumping ones far better than last time and definatly felt it more.
Headed to get a massage which felt super good. She figures that my back issue from this weekend was caused by a massive cluster of knots in my glute. So far it's helped!!! My neck is still a bit stiff though. Definatly someone I will go back and see when I'm back in town. So worth the money!
Packed up my shit and the cats and headed back to Calgary, dropping the cats of at 'Auntie' Sharons. It was kinda sad. I know they'll be cared for there as its not fair that they're just getting those quick visits with my parents, but I'm going to really miss them when I'm home. If I go back home for March I will have to take them back. I don't want to go an entire month at home alone without them.
Food for today: Had the cereal for breakfast, which was delicious! Had some tea too which tasted kinda weak. Half a Luna Bar pre gym, and a salad and the other half after. Snacked on chips and salsa, licorice and 3 Lindt chocolates on the way up (Yah!!! Totally GMO free!!! Who woulda thunk!??!?!?!) and also had a seaweed rice cake. Damn it tasted good!!! Just like sushi but crunchy. For dinner I had the vegetable barely soup as I hit the local safeway to find they don't have the organic frozen dinner section that we have back at home. Oh well....
I've got to find that natural foods place Shaun suggested. Drove down to where it should be but the area is under construction so I'll have to google it.
I think I've lost weight today. I was 141.5lbs before I had my tea, so tomorrow I should be 141. If I keep this up, I will lose weight!!! I won't be home for at least 11 days now thanks to inventory this weekend, so I'm hoping (and I know it's bad) that by keeping my calories below 1000 and hitting the gym as often as possible, I can steadily lose, but lose the fat. I'm hoping that the next time I'm down it's noticible.
I'm still very excited by this and can't wait to check out what some of the stores have up here. I need to find more snack food as I don't think I considered that too well. By snack food, I mean chips, and something sweet, perhaps ice cream? It will stop my binging stupidly later on and you can only buy it in small quantities. I'm hoping to find more dried fruit that's GMO free also.
Wander: I was wondering the same. I mean, I've been eating like shit all last week and managed to maintain a normal (if not higher that what I want) weight. Now I"m eating 'healthy' and still restricing but no where near as severe as I was, and I"m dropping weight. I'm hoping that I can keep this going for a bit as I was getting to a point where I was binging constantly due to the so low calorie diet.
I was on the elliptical and saw two guys from 'my' store and the one guys girlfriend. Shaun was asking if he was working on the side or anything like that. They left right after we got started though, thank goodness.
Chin up day but we spent so much time babbling again we skipped the assisted ones. Probably not a bad idea as I managed to do the jumping ones far better than last time and definatly felt it more.
Headed to get a massage which felt super good. She figures that my back issue from this weekend was caused by a massive cluster of knots in my glute. So far it's helped!!! My neck is still a bit stiff though. Definatly someone I will go back and see when I'm back in town. So worth the money!
Packed up my shit and the cats and headed back to Calgary, dropping the cats of at 'Auntie' Sharons. It was kinda sad. I know they'll be cared for there as its not fair that they're just getting those quick visits with my parents, but I'm going to really miss them when I'm home. If I go back home for March I will have to take them back. I don't want to go an entire month at home alone without them.
Food for today: Had the cereal for breakfast, which was delicious! Had some tea too which tasted kinda weak. Half a Luna Bar pre gym, and a salad and the other half after. Snacked on chips and salsa, licorice and 3 Lindt chocolates on the way up (Yah!!! Totally GMO free!!! Who woulda thunk!??!?!?!) and also had a seaweed rice cake. Damn it tasted good!!! Just like sushi but crunchy. For dinner I had the vegetable barely soup as I hit the local safeway to find they don't have the organic frozen dinner section that we have back at home. Oh well....
I've got to find that natural foods place Shaun suggested. Drove down to where it should be but the area is under construction so I'll have to google it.
I think I've lost weight today. I was 141.5lbs before I had my tea, so tomorrow I should be 141. If I keep this up, I will lose weight!!! I won't be home for at least 11 days now thanks to inventory this weekend, so I'm hoping (and I know it's bad) that by keeping my calories below 1000 and hitting the gym as often as possible, I can steadily lose, but lose the fat. I'm hoping that the next time I'm down it's noticible.
I'm still very excited by this and can't wait to check out what some of the stores have up here. I need to find more snack food as I don't think I considered that too well. By snack food, I mean chips, and something sweet, perhaps ice cream? It will stop my binging stupidly later on and you can only buy it in small quantities. I'm hoping to find more dried fruit that's GMO free also.
Wander: I was wondering the same. I mean, I've been eating like shit all last week and managed to maintain a normal (if not higher that what I want) weight. Now I"m eating 'healthy' and still restricing but no where near as severe as I was, and I"m dropping weight. I'm hoping that I can keep this going for a bit as I was getting to a point where I was binging constantly due to the so low calorie diet.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
T Minus One Day
I'm actually going to do this. I am completely changing my diet, going a completely different direction and while I'm scared, I'm very excited also.
I'm going to try the GMO free. I've done the research and bought the food, and piled all the non-gmo food into bags. Already taken a bunch to my Dad's, looks like Shaun will take some, and the rest I'll take to Stephs as I know her and the kids will eat it.
I've bought food. Actual food. I have not been looking at calories, I've been looking for non GMO ingredients, organic certifications etc. I'm freaking out just a bit. Some of this stuff is low in calories, but some is a bit higher than what I'm used to.
But it's all FRESH, REAL, no pesticides, no aspartine, no shit. I can sacrifice a few calories for that right?
What does this mean for me?
So many things. Shaun said I had lept ahead in the past month, and I feel it. I feel stronger, and while I actually weight MORE now than I did at Christmas, (by like a pound) I feel better. I'm terrified of that number on the scale. I want to go lower and that fucked up part of my mind thinks that this will help as I've just gone and VERY severly restricted my diet. I CAN NOT eat out, munch, take what others are offering etc. I can't drink any diet soda, no crystal light, no juices unless they are organic and GMO free. I can only see this as helping that.
I am going to increase my caloric intake. These last few days I have BINGED like there's no tomorrow and have dropped to 140.9, but today back up to 144. If I can manage to keep my calories 800-1000 per day of all this fresh healthy stuff, plus with the gym, I will still lose I think/hope. I've stalled anyways as the binging is damaging my metabolism.
My current goal, to stick to the GMO free diet. The secondary goal is to lose weight. I still feel fat. I still look in the mirror and see fat, but I'm starting to see the muscle and like it.
Bring on tomorrow!!!
I'm going to try the GMO free. I've done the research and bought the food, and piled all the non-gmo food into bags. Already taken a bunch to my Dad's, looks like Shaun will take some, and the rest I'll take to Stephs as I know her and the kids will eat it.
I've bought food. Actual food. I have not been looking at calories, I've been looking for non GMO ingredients, organic certifications etc. I'm freaking out just a bit. Some of this stuff is low in calories, but some is a bit higher than what I'm used to.
But it's all FRESH, REAL, no pesticides, no aspartine, no shit. I can sacrifice a few calories for that right?
What does this mean for me?
So many things. Shaun said I had lept ahead in the past month, and I feel it. I feel stronger, and while I actually weight MORE now than I did at Christmas, (by like a pound) I feel better. I'm terrified of that number on the scale. I want to go lower and that fucked up part of my mind thinks that this will help as I've just gone and VERY severly restricted my diet. I CAN NOT eat out, munch, take what others are offering etc. I can't drink any diet soda, no crystal light, no juices unless they are organic and GMO free. I can only see this as helping that.
I am going to increase my caloric intake. These last few days I have BINGED like there's no tomorrow and have dropped to 140.9, but today back up to 144. If I can manage to keep my calories 800-1000 per day of all this fresh healthy stuff, plus with the gym, I will still lose I think/hope. I've stalled anyways as the binging is damaging my metabolism.
My current goal, to stick to the GMO free diet. The secondary goal is to lose weight. I still feel fat. I still look in the mirror and see fat, but I'm starting to see the muscle and like it.
Bring on tomorrow!!!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Lucky Break?
140.9lbs this morning. That was unexpected!!!
Hit the gym. Talked to Shaun about the whole GMO free 'diet' idea and he said to go for it. Sounds good to me!
I then figured that as last nights binge didn't hurt at all, lets have another today and enjoy it as it will be the last. So I did enjoy, perhaps too much. My poor stomach hurts and I'm 144.5 right now, a full 2lbs heavier than I was last night. I can only hope that my 'detox' of sorts helps tomorrow. The plan is for tea, water and vitamin water for during the day, then soup for dinner. Haven't decided if I want the tuscan or the Italien Wedding soup. Then on Monday morning, day one of the GMO free day and try to eat as little as possible before the gym.
I think I want to do the weigh in. Something Shaun said today about how I've gotten so much better this past month opposed to all other months put together (because I've eaten more. I know this as I'm still the same damn weight!) and I want to see what he says. I'm also curious as to how this will work with the GMO free diet and if I will lose weight this way.
Steph was not cool about it. I told her and she basically had a pissy fit and stopped texting me. Whatever. I'll deal with it tomorrow or Monday (probably monday). Shannon was a bit wierd about it too. I get it, they can't 'feed' me anymore and this is a HUGE bonus to me. I really think this will help the weight loss while masking as a healthy lifestyle plan.
I've got a good opportunity here. I won't be home for almsot 2 weeks and will have complete control. I have the perfect excuse NOT to eat at inventory, where I always gain weight.
Fine, so I end up 140 at the weigh in. That means I have until either the end of Feb, or preferably the middle of March to drop. It will drop way more and again, for 2 weeks no one will catch/watch me. I wonder if Shaun will notice?
I've got a LOT of research ahead. So far I've pegged a good coffee and tea, but I need to find out if MY tea is GMO free. Next step, breakfast. lol!
Still working on project 365. It's been interesting and I have to get out of the habit of waiting until dark to take the photo. Need some daylight photos tomorrow!
Hit the gym. Talked to Shaun about the whole GMO free 'diet' idea and he said to go for it. Sounds good to me!
I then figured that as last nights binge didn't hurt at all, lets have another today and enjoy it as it will be the last. So I did enjoy, perhaps too much. My poor stomach hurts and I'm 144.5 right now, a full 2lbs heavier than I was last night. I can only hope that my 'detox' of sorts helps tomorrow. The plan is for tea, water and vitamin water for during the day, then soup for dinner. Haven't decided if I want the tuscan or the Italien Wedding soup. Then on Monday morning, day one of the GMO free day and try to eat as little as possible before the gym.
I think I want to do the weigh in. Something Shaun said today about how I've gotten so much better this past month opposed to all other months put together (because I've eaten more. I know this as I'm still the same damn weight!) and I want to see what he says. I'm also curious as to how this will work with the GMO free diet and if I will lose weight this way.
Steph was not cool about it. I told her and she basically had a pissy fit and stopped texting me. Whatever. I'll deal with it tomorrow or Monday (probably monday). Shannon was a bit wierd about it too. I get it, they can't 'feed' me anymore and this is a HUGE bonus to me. I really think this will help the weight loss while masking as a healthy lifestyle plan.
I've got a good opportunity here. I won't be home for almsot 2 weeks and will have complete control. I have the perfect excuse NOT to eat at inventory, where I always gain weight.
Fine, so I end up 140 at the weigh in. That means I have until either the end of Feb, or preferably the middle of March to drop. It will drop way more and again, for 2 weeks no one will catch/watch me. I wonder if Shaun will notice?
I've got a LOT of research ahead. So far I've pegged a good coffee and tea, but I need to find out if MY tea is GMO free. Next step, breakfast. lol!
Still working on project 365. It's been interesting and I have to get out of the habit of waiting until dark to take the photo. Need some daylight photos tomorrow!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Food Inc
It's a documentary. Go rent it, buy it, download it if you can't get it any other way. Watch it and learn.
Yeah, it's gross, but that's what we're all eating. Did you know that the corn crap they put in Ketchup, peanut butter and jams is also in batteries?!?!?!?!?! Or the way they've genetically modified the chicken to 'create' more white meat and bigger breasts as its the most popular part of the bird? Or how the chickens are so huge that their legs can't hold them up and they die? Or that cows fed solely on corn feed develop e-coli in their manure and in these feedlots spend most of their time wading in their manure? What are the odds that your beef isn't being cleaned well enough and there's shit on your food?
For those in the US, remember the Jack In The Box incident back in the early '90's? They use that as an example of improper food handling in a Canadian government regulated food safety course that I had to go through several times over.
Or what about the salmon they're trying to genetically modify so it will eat corn as it's cheap to produce.
Or the company that is creating modified seeds that will only produce one crop and then farmers have to rebuy their seed every year.
Our food is becomming so insanely processed and we don't even realise it or know it.
I'm a bit freaked out about chicken now, and it may be a while before I attempt fish also. They show the slaughtering of the animals so if you need to be turned right off food for a while, there's a perfect clip to watch.
Tomorrow I'm going through all the stuff in my cupboards and seeing what's got glucose/fructose in it and modified corn syrup/starch.
Today however was another story completely. I started off my fantastic morning with a tea and on the drive to work finished off the chocolate from last nights binge. I remained strong at work, eating the entire apple before my shift ended but brewed tea and had the rice cake before I left the city.
Halfway home hit a gas station to refuel, grab a diet soda, and buy a bunch of gummy candy and a bag of Nibs. After gorging on those I decided fuck it, my 142.9lbs this morning was not bad enough and I needed to absolutly destroy my hopes of having a good weigh in and hit the local DQ for onion rings AND went to Taco Bell for burritos.
I ate half the onion rings, 2 halfs of burritos (I wanted the cheese fillings), half the fries and a bunch of the cinnamon twists. After dropping some speakers off at my 'old' store I hit the grocer store and picked up a gourmet chocolate chip cookie, and two pieces of cake. To top it all off I hit Arbys for jalapeno bites and potato wedges. I got home, ate 2 of each of the Arby's shit, and the cookie.
Tried to purge, got barely anything up, and stepped on the scale 141.9lbs.
What The Fuck.
So feeling completely disgusingly full but somewhat relieved I went a while with the damn cake on the kitchen counter until I caved and ate a few bites of each (one carrot and one iced chocolate). Feeling even grosser I sat down to watch Food Inc.
Post hot chocolate I'm 142.5lbs. If I lose even .5lbs overnight, that's still a win!!!
I was willing to forget the weigh in on Monday, but with 3 mornings, 2 days to go, I may still consider it, but I must be at least 139 by Monday morning. At 142 tomorrow that's 3lbs in 2 days. I will have to eat next to nothing for the next 2 days but I'm down with that.
I think I'm going to ask Shaun about cleanses also. I think I'll feel so much better if I do one to get all the shit out of my system, like a detox, get rid of the sugars etc. It will help with the cravings. Either he'll give me suggestions on what to do, or I'll google it. I'm not planning to do this for weight loss, but if it happens I'm not going to complain.
Fucked up dream again last night, this time it was Shaun who managed to log onto my online food diary and was questionning my 500cal day and I was trying to lie about it.
Wonder what tonight will bring?
I've got about 3 days of blogs to catch up on tomorrow morning. I don't have milk for tea so I'll either have coffee or black tea in the morning, and head off to get a massage. I do need to go to work at some point too (hoping for before massage) and then of course training at 2pm, so gym by 1pm..
Eye is still a gorgeous deep blue but with tinges of yellow around the piercing. I must look so incredibly attractive!
Yeah, it's gross, but that's what we're all eating. Did you know that the corn crap they put in Ketchup, peanut butter and jams is also in batteries?!?!?!?!?! Or the way they've genetically modified the chicken to 'create' more white meat and bigger breasts as its the most popular part of the bird? Or how the chickens are so huge that their legs can't hold them up and they die? Or that cows fed solely on corn feed develop e-coli in their manure and in these feedlots spend most of their time wading in their manure? What are the odds that your beef isn't being cleaned well enough and there's shit on your food?
For those in the US, remember the Jack In The Box incident back in the early '90's? They use that as an example of improper food handling in a Canadian government regulated food safety course that I had to go through several times over.
Or what about the salmon they're trying to genetically modify so it will eat corn as it's cheap to produce.
Or the company that is creating modified seeds that will only produce one crop and then farmers have to rebuy their seed every year.
Our food is becomming so insanely processed and we don't even realise it or know it.
I'm a bit freaked out about chicken now, and it may be a while before I attempt fish also. They show the slaughtering of the animals so if you need to be turned right off food for a while, there's a perfect clip to watch.
Tomorrow I'm going through all the stuff in my cupboards and seeing what's got glucose/fructose in it and modified corn syrup/starch.
Today however was another story completely. I started off my fantastic morning with a tea and on the drive to work finished off the chocolate from last nights binge. I remained strong at work, eating the entire apple before my shift ended but brewed tea and had the rice cake before I left the city.
Halfway home hit a gas station to refuel, grab a diet soda, and buy a bunch of gummy candy and a bag of Nibs. After gorging on those I decided fuck it, my 142.9lbs this morning was not bad enough and I needed to absolutly destroy my hopes of having a good weigh in and hit the local DQ for onion rings AND went to Taco Bell for burritos.
I ate half the onion rings, 2 halfs of burritos (I wanted the cheese fillings), half the fries and a bunch of the cinnamon twists. After dropping some speakers off at my 'old' store I hit the grocer store and picked up a gourmet chocolate chip cookie, and two pieces of cake. To top it all off I hit Arbys for jalapeno bites and potato wedges. I got home, ate 2 of each of the Arby's shit, and the cookie.
Tried to purge, got barely anything up, and stepped on the scale 141.9lbs.
What The Fuck.
So feeling completely disgusingly full but somewhat relieved I went a while with the damn cake on the kitchen counter until I caved and ate a few bites of each (one carrot and one iced chocolate). Feeling even grosser I sat down to watch Food Inc.
Post hot chocolate I'm 142.5lbs. If I lose even .5lbs overnight, that's still a win!!!
I was willing to forget the weigh in on Monday, but with 3 mornings, 2 days to go, I may still consider it, but I must be at least 139 by Monday morning. At 142 tomorrow that's 3lbs in 2 days. I will have to eat next to nothing for the next 2 days but I'm down with that.
I think I'm going to ask Shaun about cleanses also. I think I'll feel so much better if I do one to get all the shit out of my system, like a detox, get rid of the sugars etc. It will help with the cravings. Either he'll give me suggestions on what to do, or I'll google it. I'm not planning to do this for weight loss, but if it happens I'm not going to complain.
Fucked up dream again last night, this time it was Shaun who managed to log onto my online food diary and was questionning my 500cal day and I was trying to lie about it.
Wonder what tonight will bring?
I've got about 3 days of blogs to catch up on tomorrow morning. I don't have milk for tea so I'll either have coffee or black tea in the morning, and head off to get a massage. I do need to go to work at some point too (hoping for before massage) and then of course training at 2pm, so gym by 1pm..
Eye is still a gorgeous deep blue but with tinges of yellow around the piercing. I must look so incredibly attractive!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Screwing it up, one day at a time
I just wish I could talk to someone. Tell them that my head is so fucked up. That 140lbs is not good enough. That I'm PISSED off that I gained. That all I want to do is STARVE to get down.
I can't, but I want to.
142.5lbs this morning, heading in the right direction. At work I managed $1.25 worth of 25cent candies, and half a fish sandwhich from McDicks before work. The when I bought gas I also got 4 chocolate bars and ate at least half of each.
I'm 143.6 right now (phew... I was 144.5 when I got home, post chocolate pig out!). Plan for tomorrow is to go to work early. Have my usual half an oatmeal for breakfast, salad, yogurt for lunch, apple and rice cake during the ride home with a starbucks tea, diet dr pepper or diet pepsi, and try for nothing for dinner. If I have to, soup for dinner.
I'm so excited to go home. I want to be alone, in my house. I want to go to my gym and run. I want to see daylight (what happens when you're at work before the sun comes up, and leave after it's set....). I want to see Shaun.....
Fucked up dream again last night. Dreamt I was at some pier/seaside place like in England, and Colin was with me. He kissed me.... I never would have thought of him in that way, and I we're not even friends, just someone I work with at job numero dos...
4 days. Can I do it? If I don't hit 140 should I do my weigh in? Fuck.....
I can't, but I want to.
142.5lbs this morning, heading in the right direction. At work I managed $1.25 worth of 25cent candies, and half a fish sandwhich from McDicks before work. The when I bought gas I also got 4 chocolate bars and ate at least half of each.
I'm 143.6 right now (phew... I was 144.5 when I got home, post chocolate pig out!). Plan for tomorrow is to go to work early. Have my usual half an oatmeal for breakfast, salad, yogurt for lunch, apple and rice cake during the ride home with a starbucks tea, diet dr pepper or diet pepsi, and try for nothing for dinner. If I have to, soup for dinner.
I'm so excited to go home. I want to be alone, in my house. I want to go to my gym and run. I want to see daylight (what happens when you're at work before the sun comes up, and leave after it's set....). I want to see Shaun.....
Fucked up dream again last night. Dreamt I was at some pier/seaside place like in England, and Colin was with me. He kissed me.... I never would have thought of him in that way, and I we're not even friends, just someone I work with at job numero dos...
4 days. Can I do it? If I don't hit 140 should I do my weigh in? Fuck.....
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Slowly...
Going down.... 144.2lbs this morning. I need to be 143 tomorrow. Ate ice cream cake at work, followed with some m&m peanuts and Mike'n'Ikes (only a few, like 5 each, but still) and then proceeded to kill myself at the gym. Don't know what it is there but running feels so much harder. I managed 20 mins before Zumba and felt like I was going to die. Followed the Zumba with the Body Blast and it was hard!!! I definatly will feel that tomorrow (again, I should have felt stronger but don't....)
Then had to head to Safeway to get salad and milk and the bloody dairy is right next to the bakery, so off I headed, big giant piece of chocolate cake in my hand. I managed about 3/4 of it in the parking lot and then drove home feeling disgusting and fat again (I had started to feel better during the day, but this killed it). I didn't purge though.
Ate veggies, tea, rice cake, dried fruit and 3 pieces of licoirce and now it's time to try and sleep.
My goals are going out of the window and I'm getting scared I'm going to spend forever fighting to get past this next goal. I'm frustarted that every time I get somewhere, I bounce around. 145 was the same, now I'm trying to get to 135 as I've already passed 140 several times. I guess, this weight has been on there a looooong time, but still, it's fat, it needs to go away!
Tomorrow I close, so light food day where possible. Do some core/yoga in the morning and have my half an oatmeal and tea. Work, with more tea, salad, yogurt etc. Home, tea and bed. Should be a very light day if I don't do something stupid like BINGE.
I had a fucked up dream last night. I dreamt I was in some sort of hosipital but I could come and go as I pleased. I was trying to sneak back into my room before the alarm went off and I knew I was in there for an ED. I also knew that I was thin, very thin. Beautifully skinny.
I need to get there. I hate this whale feeling, the bloated feeling, the spare tire around the belly feeling.
Weigh in is in 5 days. I have 5lbs to lose. No more fucking around.
Then had to head to Safeway to get salad and milk and the bloody dairy is right next to the bakery, so off I headed, big giant piece of chocolate cake in my hand. I managed about 3/4 of it in the parking lot and then drove home feeling disgusting and fat again (I had started to feel better during the day, but this killed it). I didn't purge though.
Ate veggies, tea, rice cake, dried fruit and 3 pieces of licoirce and now it's time to try and sleep.
My goals are going out of the window and I'm getting scared I'm going to spend forever fighting to get past this next goal. I'm frustarted that every time I get somewhere, I bounce around. 145 was the same, now I'm trying to get to 135 as I've already passed 140 several times. I guess, this weight has been on there a looooong time, but still, it's fat, it needs to go away!
Tomorrow I close, so light food day where possible. Do some core/yoga in the morning and have my half an oatmeal and tea. Work, with more tea, salad, yogurt etc. Home, tea and bed. Should be a very light day if I don't do something stupid like BINGE.
I had a fucked up dream last night. I dreamt I was in some sort of hosipital but I could come and go as I pleased. I was trying to sneak back into my room before the alarm went off and I knew I was in there for an ED. I also knew that I was thin, very thin. Beautifully skinny.
I need to get there. I hate this whale feeling, the bloated feeling, the spare tire around the belly feeling.
Weigh in is in 5 days. I have 5lbs to lose. No more fucking around.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Had an interesting link sent to me at about 2am last night as I couldn't sleep... It was all about HFCS (or Glucose/Fructose as it's known in the UK and Canada), one of the most unhealthy sugars.
Fructose is natural, it's found naturally in small amounts in fruit and veggies. The HFCS it refined glucose, forced into a fructose form so it's a mixture of both, and a liquid. It's then used in food and drinks instead of real sugar as it's cheaper.
Problem is that this combination has so many terrible consequences. For example, it doesn't alert your body to produce insulin which helps break down the sugar. It also doesn't trigger your appetite to tell you you are full. So, want another chocolate, go ahead, your brain won't register it but your ass certainly will.
I went around Stupidstore today spending far too much time seeing what it was in. I was suprised, and not. I mean, obviously Pop Tarts has it in, but I was expecting the chocolate to also. Nope, Cadbury was clean, as was the Lindt amongst other things, but some of the caramel based chocolate had it. It was in some gummy candies, but not all, and regular pop but not diet pop.
I found it in other foods that I wasn't expecting. Cereals that are advertised as 'healthy', especialy those with granola chunks in them. Many breakfast bars, and granola bars, including the Quaker ones. I didn't check the Special K ones.
I found it in some spreads, deserts, pre packaged dinners... Take a look whats in your cupboards, let me know what you find. Here's a link for Wikipedia, not the one I was sent: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-fructose_corn_syrup
If the other information doesn't bother you, check out the bit on mercury.
That just made a whole crap pile of food very unnatractive to me!!!
Speaking of which, WHALE WALKING THROUGH!!!!
Yeah, 145.8lbs this morning. Officially the highest weight I've been in about 2 months. I was less than this over Christmas. Only thing keeping me going is that I dropped that weight pretty damn quick so this should come off almost as easily.
Should.... I ate just over 500 cals today, went over with a quarter of a protein smoothie I keep taking gulps out of after the gym. Need the protein! Also I ended up 'treating' myself to 2 dried prunes and 4 pieces of dried pineapple. Terrible on the sugars, but at least it's really natural and the prunes will help things 'move' through... I hope. Hoping that will help the weight issue as the binging on the weekend has caused 'issues'. Sorry TMI?
Gym was ok. Ran for 25min and 10min walking and damn it was hard to get back into it. I felt like I was dying at 25min. Lungs gasping, legs bugging me.... Need more practice!!! Did 2 leg exercises, biceps and triceps with the machine, situps, and the assisted chin ups. Went on a spin bike until a class jumped in about 15 min later. Only there for just shy of 2 hrs but I'm happy I went.
Tomorrow is Zumba and I'm going to do the class after too, meaning I won't be done until 9pm. I'll stay later at work, leave around 5:45pm, do some warmup (running....) and if there's time some weights, then the 2 hrs of class. Basically replaces my Thursday double class from last month so it should help.
Eyebrow is bruised and swollen. No one noticed anything at work.
Wander; Not sure if it's guts or stupidity lol. I just keep wanting more. And for the trainer? I don't know. He's definatly great scenery in the gym, but I really really appreciate having someone I can talk to, and who trusts me enough to talk to me too. For now, friendship and I'm happy (I will not read into anything he posts on facebook.... at least I'll keep telling myself that!)
Fructose is natural, it's found naturally in small amounts in fruit and veggies. The HFCS it refined glucose, forced into a fructose form so it's a mixture of both, and a liquid. It's then used in food and drinks instead of real sugar as it's cheaper.
Problem is that this combination has so many terrible consequences. For example, it doesn't alert your body to produce insulin which helps break down the sugar. It also doesn't trigger your appetite to tell you you are full. So, want another chocolate, go ahead, your brain won't register it but your ass certainly will.
I went around Stupidstore today spending far too much time seeing what it was in. I was suprised, and not. I mean, obviously Pop Tarts has it in, but I was expecting the chocolate to also. Nope, Cadbury was clean, as was the Lindt amongst other things, but some of the caramel based chocolate had it. It was in some gummy candies, but not all, and regular pop but not diet pop.
I found it in other foods that I wasn't expecting. Cereals that are advertised as 'healthy', especialy those with granola chunks in them. Many breakfast bars, and granola bars, including the Quaker ones. I didn't check the Special K ones.
I found it in some spreads, deserts, pre packaged dinners... Take a look whats in your cupboards, let me know what you find. Here's a link for Wikipedia, not the one I was sent: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-fructose_corn_syrup
If the other information doesn't bother you, check out the bit on mercury.
That just made a whole crap pile of food very unnatractive to me!!!
Speaking of which, WHALE WALKING THROUGH!!!!
Yeah, 145.8lbs this morning. Officially the highest weight I've been in about 2 months. I was less than this over Christmas. Only thing keeping me going is that I dropped that weight pretty damn quick so this should come off almost as easily.
Should.... I ate just over 500 cals today, went over with a quarter of a protein smoothie I keep taking gulps out of after the gym. Need the protein! Also I ended up 'treating' myself to 2 dried prunes and 4 pieces of dried pineapple. Terrible on the sugars, but at least it's really natural and the prunes will help things 'move' through... I hope. Hoping that will help the weight issue as the binging on the weekend has caused 'issues'. Sorry TMI?
Gym was ok. Ran for 25min and 10min walking and damn it was hard to get back into it. I felt like I was dying at 25min. Lungs gasping, legs bugging me.... Need more practice!!! Did 2 leg exercises, biceps and triceps with the machine, situps, and the assisted chin ups. Went on a spin bike until a class jumped in about 15 min later. Only there for just shy of 2 hrs but I'm happy I went.
Tomorrow is Zumba and I'm going to do the class after too, meaning I won't be done until 9pm. I'll stay later at work, leave around 5:45pm, do some warmup (running....) and if there's time some weights, then the 2 hrs of class. Basically replaces my Thursday double class from last month so it should help.
Eyebrow is bruised and swollen. No one noticed anything at work.
Wander; Not sure if it's guts or stupidity lol. I just keep wanting more. And for the trainer? I don't know. He's definatly great scenery in the gym, but I really really appreciate having someone I can talk to, and who trusts me enough to talk to me too. For now, friendship and I'm happy (I will not read into anything he posts on facebook.... at least I'll keep telling myself that!)
Monday, January 17, 2011
Piercings and Plans
Start with the fun stuff. I got my eyebrow pierced. Bad stuff, I was this morning.
Gym was at noon so I hit the elliptical for 25 min. Legs felt good so I think I can run tomorrow. Today was the first third day of the revised workout and we went back to the squat machine. Different stance and I have to be very very careful I'm not bending my knees in. I was a bit chilly so I left my zippered hoodie on and tried not to jump 10ft in the air when Shaun grabbed me by the waist. I know he was making sure I wasn't doing something bad and twisting or something, but it felt strange but in a good way. Yeah, I know.... dangerous paths are being tread here....
Wore the new shoes for leg day and they are definatly cooler than the old ones. They feel awesome too!!!! Once we were done I headed out, too much to do.
Hit Walmart and Stupidstore to pick up a fruit platter for tonight and they were both cleaned out!!! Walmart didn't even have any salads!!! Guess there's a shortage? Not at Safeway though, where I pay way more, get way less, but got a fruit platter an veggie platter with airmiles on top.
Home, showered, packed and off to get my eyebrow pierced. I hate getting needles. I always freak out, pass out, get sick etc. I went with a lollipop and water, picked out my jewelry and Mikey did it for me :)
I've known him since I was 16 and it was awesome seeing him again. He gave me the lowdown, shoved the needle through my eyebrow and let me chill while I had my sugar and water and try to stay conscious. I managed, barely, but it's an accomplishment!!!
Off north to go back to work, and the 2 hr drive in the dark was awesome with decent roads and me flying along at 130km/hr, howling along to tunes. I love that Linkin Park song, can't get it out of my head. It was even playing at the gym today, don't know if Shaun heard it, but it's such a beautiful song and so sad all in one go.
Once here I hit up the womens meeting at the church and proceeded to waste all my work for the day by pigging out on candy, cookies, marshmallows, fruit, veggies and sugared walnuts. I feel even bigger than yesterday. I'm 146lbs. How did I possibly feel good at 146lbs? Seriously? I'm a fucking whale. How the fuck did I gain almost 10lbs in one week?
Leading into part 2 of this post. Plans. Again. One. More. Fucking. Time. (I should probably resign myself to the fact that I will be doing this always....)
I lied to my friend. I told her that with my trainers advice I'm doing a very basic diet this week. Veggies, salads, soups no sugars, no breads/carbs etc. She believed it so hopefully she won't try to feed me/ tempt me with anything.
I'll have my half an oatmeal in the morning to kickstart things and get something in me, then tea to work. I'll take a yogurt, salad, rice cake and water with either the rice cake or yogurt as a pre gym snack. Maybe I'll take a second yogurt in case, and have the rice cake after? Then once back and showered some steamed veggies that I've brought, and maybe a soup. If I stick to that it won't be more than 500cals, and I've bought lollipops. One per day will be suficient and while I am adding that sugar to my diet, it will hopefully help curb the binges.
Oh, no more purging. I think that's part of the problem. I just assume I can rid myself of it but I'm not very good at it so it doesn't really work.
I was 147 after boxing day, and yes I did a liquid fast right after, but I can do that on Friday if I need to, but I managed to drop to 142 pretty quickly. I'm hoping that by morning I can be 145, and then after tomorrow, 143 or lower.
Hitting the gym tomorrow night too. Running is the business of the day, but I HATE how hot it is up there. I feel so gross running but it has to be done. Running for at least 30min, followed by arms and abs, then cycling for 30 min. Aim for 2hrs total.
6 days... not 6 in 6 this time... I want/must be 138 by Monday. That's 8 in 6.
Fack
Gym was at noon so I hit the elliptical for 25 min. Legs felt good so I think I can run tomorrow. Today was the first third day of the revised workout and we went back to the squat machine. Different stance and I have to be very very careful I'm not bending my knees in. I was a bit chilly so I left my zippered hoodie on and tried not to jump 10ft in the air when Shaun grabbed me by the waist. I know he was making sure I wasn't doing something bad and twisting or something, but it felt strange but in a good way. Yeah, I know.... dangerous paths are being tread here....
Wore the new shoes for leg day and they are definatly cooler than the old ones. They feel awesome too!!!! Once we were done I headed out, too much to do.
Hit Walmart and Stupidstore to pick up a fruit platter for tonight and they were both cleaned out!!! Walmart didn't even have any salads!!! Guess there's a shortage? Not at Safeway though, where I pay way more, get way less, but got a fruit platter an veggie platter with airmiles on top.
Home, showered, packed and off to get my eyebrow pierced. I hate getting needles. I always freak out, pass out, get sick etc. I went with a lollipop and water, picked out my jewelry and Mikey did it for me :)
I've known him since I was 16 and it was awesome seeing him again. He gave me the lowdown, shoved the needle through my eyebrow and let me chill while I had my sugar and water and try to stay conscious. I managed, barely, but it's an accomplishment!!!
Off north to go back to work, and the 2 hr drive in the dark was awesome with decent roads and me flying along at 130km/hr, howling along to tunes. I love that Linkin Park song, can't get it out of my head. It was even playing at the gym today, don't know if Shaun heard it, but it's such a beautiful song and so sad all in one go.
Once here I hit up the womens meeting at the church and proceeded to waste all my work for the day by pigging out on candy, cookies, marshmallows, fruit, veggies and sugared walnuts. I feel even bigger than yesterday. I'm 146lbs. How did I possibly feel good at 146lbs? Seriously? I'm a fucking whale. How the fuck did I gain almost 10lbs in one week?
Leading into part 2 of this post. Plans. Again. One. More. Fucking. Time. (I should probably resign myself to the fact that I will be doing this always....)
I lied to my friend. I told her that with my trainers advice I'm doing a very basic diet this week. Veggies, salads, soups no sugars, no breads/carbs etc. She believed it so hopefully she won't try to feed me/ tempt me with anything.
I'll have my half an oatmeal in the morning to kickstart things and get something in me, then tea to work. I'll take a yogurt, salad, rice cake and water with either the rice cake or yogurt as a pre gym snack. Maybe I'll take a second yogurt in case, and have the rice cake after? Then once back and showered some steamed veggies that I've brought, and maybe a soup. If I stick to that it won't be more than 500cals, and I've bought lollipops. One per day will be suficient and while I am adding that sugar to my diet, it will hopefully help curb the binges.
Oh, no more purging. I think that's part of the problem. I just assume I can rid myself of it but I'm not very good at it so it doesn't really work.
I was 147 after boxing day, and yes I did a liquid fast right after, but I can do that on Friday if I need to, but I managed to drop to 142 pretty quickly. I'm hoping that by morning I can be 145, and then after tomorrow, 143 or lower.
Hitting the gym tomorrow night too. Running is the business of the day, but I HATE how hot it is up there. I feel so gross running but it has to be done. Running for at least 30min, followed by arms and abs, then cycling for 30 min. Aim for 2hrs total.
6 days... not 6 in 6 this time... I want/must be 138 by Monday. That's 8 in 6.
Fack
Shit....
Today was a fail. I ate way too much with my sister, which I then purged some of. Yup, once I got home I spent far too long bent over a toilet and brought up miniscule bits of my binge fest of a brunch.
Christmas party was wierd. I felt very out of place and while welcomed by the staff, not by the management. I was not part of their team anymore.
I was 141.7lbs this morning, 143.9lbs post purge, and now I just got home to see 146.4lbs.
I am a fucking whale. I've screwed this month up. How am I ever going to drop the weight for next Monday? Please scales, 144 or less tomorrow?
Sleep... must sleep. Crazy day tomorrow.
Christmas party was wierd. I felt very out of place and while welcomed by the staff, not by the management. I was not part of their team anymore.
I was 141.7lbs this morning, 143.9lbs post purge, and now I just got home to see 146.4lbs.
I am a fucking whale. I've screwed this month up. How am I ever going to drop the weight for next Monday? Please scales, 144 or less tomorrow?
Sleep... must sleep. Crazy day tomorrow.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
A Good Normal Day
Woke up around 9:30am and lounged around until Chiro. Had a half a bowl of oatmeal and tea then off to have a free massage with the water jet machine. Not a huge fan, but I'll take a free 10 min. Came home later than I wanted, swung by work very briefly then off to the gym.
It felt so damn good to get on that bike. I tested out the legs and they felt fine, so off I went. 25 min later and my poor shaky legs got off. Met up with Shaun and off we went, new routine day 2. We did a ton of exercises focused solely on chin ups. It was hard!!! However, we chatted and had a good laugh at the same time, and I think we ran over again too.
I didn't push it after and went straight home, showering then off to work.
I ate smartly up to that point. I even had half a tuna salad for 60cals, and a rice cake. I went driving and didn't eat anything there.
Then I went to walmart. I already 'told' myself I could have a salad, and then I stopped in McDicks. I ate a chicken burger (about 3/4) and a few fries. Once home I dove into the cheerios and didn't look back.
I'm probably 143 right now.
That being said, I probably ate a normal amount, even though most if it happened at night. Today was a normal day, not a binge day. I've had a few normal days and yes I've gained a bit, but it's farily stable.
Tomorrow will be a challenge, but the last one with big meals. I am going for brunch at Firestone with my sister where I know I'll eat a ton (it's sooooo good!!!! Plus at $20/plate I want my money's worth) and then go do errands. Hang out at home, clean, organize etc, then off to the work Christmas Party (where I'm hoping they forgot to order chicken and just went with beef... another excuse for me not to eat). I will not stuff myself. I will eat one plate worth, and then have a desert. I may have a drink, but that's it. Then home, and ready for the morning.
Monday will be the return to restricting and seeing as I've had these normal days it should be so much easier to drop now that my metabolism has had a chance to normalise again. I just want to stay at 142 by Monday.
I joined project 365 today. It looks like it could be a challenge, yet so much fun all at the same time!!
So tired. Arms feel like noodles. I want to get a good nights sleep, 8hrs minimum. It will really help the weight loss. Any less than 6hrs and I'm not helping myself.
Night!!!
It felt so damn good to get on that bike. I tested out the legs and they felt fine, so off I went. 25 min later and my poor shaky legs got off. Met up with Shaun and off we went, new routine day 2. We did a ton of exercises focused solely on chin ups. It was hard!!! However, we chatted and had a good laugh at the same time, and I think we ran over again too.
I didn't push it after and went straight home, showering then off to work.
I ate smartly up to that point. I even had half a tuna salad for 60cals, and a rice cake. I went driving and didn't eat anything there.
Then I went to walmart. I already 'told' myself I could have a salad, and then I stopped in McDicks. I ate a chicken burger (about 3/4) and a few fries. Once home I dove into the cheerios and didn't look back.
I'm probably 143 right now.
That being said, I probably ate a normal amount, even though most if it happened at night. Today was a normal day, not a binge day. I've had a few normal days and yes I've gained a bit, but it's farily stable.
Tomorrow will be a challenge, but the last one with big meals. I am going for brunch at Firestone with my sister where I know I'll eat a ton (it's sooooo good!!!! Plus at $20/plate I want my money's worth) and then go do errands. Hang out at home, clean, organize etc, then off to the work Christmas Party (where I'm hoping they forgot to order chicken and just went with beef... another excuse for me not to eat). I will not stuff myself. I will eat one plate worth, and then have a desert. I may have a drink, but that's it. Then home, and ready for the morning.
Monday will be the return to restricting and seeing as I've had these normal days it should be so much easier to drop now that my metabolism has had a chance to normalise again. I just want to stay at 142 by Monday.
I joined project 365 today. It looks like it could be a challenge, yet so much fun all at the same time!!
So tired. Arms feel like noodles. I want to get a good nights sleep, 8hrs minimum. It will really help the weight loss. Any less than 6hrs and I'm not helping myself.
Night!!!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Yet Again
I ate only an apple, then the juice by 5pm. I then had onion rings and chocolate on the drive. Then I got home and had popcorn, rice cakes, licorice, cereal and anything else I can get my hands on.
I'm 143.3 right now.
I'm going back to eating breakfast. I'll still do my fasts on the day I drive home. I'll be back to the gym tomorrow. I've eaten a ton of food from Stefs and my house and just wont' buy more.
My weigh in will be next Monday, I have 10 days. 10 days to drop to 137. 10 days, 6lbs.
This needs to stop.
I'm 143.3 right now.
I'm going back to eating breakfast. I'll still do my fasts on the day I drive home. I'll be back to the gym tomorrow. I've eaten a ton of food from Stefs and my house and just wont' buy more.
My weigh in will be next Monday, I have 10 days. 10 days to drop to 137. 10 days, 6lbs.
This needs to stop.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Always Tomorrow
Began the day by eating the shit I purchased yesterday and left in my car... Finished the work day by swinging through a drive thru and stuffing myself with a fish sandwhich, then finishing all the shit I purchased yesterday and didn't finish this morning.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
I was 141.8lbs this morning. I am 143.7lbs right now, same as I was last night before bed.
I can only hope to be below 142 tomorrow.
By Monday I must be below 140.
Delaying the weigh in for a week if I can (24th). I need to be 137 at the minimum.
Refocus. I've been doing this for the wrong reasons. Took a bath tonight and I can see all the fat that needs to go away. As much as I want 'him' to notice, I need to actually drop this weight to look decent.
I need to sleep more. Apparenly sleeping too little can cause weight gain. I think it's lessening my will power. No more of this 3hrs per night bullshit. I need 6-8hrs minimum.
Tomorrow I get to go home. Tomorrow I eat very little. Tomorrow I drink water, tea, tea, tea, water, juice and have an apple for food. Tomorrow I try to get back to 140 by Saturday morning.
My legs feel better. Hopefully I can walk tomorrow.
Everything is for tomorrow... always tomorrow..... No more yesterdays.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
I was 141.8lbs this morning. I am 143.7lbs right now, same as I was last night before bed.
I can only hope to be below 142 tomorrow.
By Monday I must be below 140.
Delaying the weigh in for a week if I can (24th). I need to be 137 at the minimum.
Refocus. I've been doing this for the wrong reasons. Took a bath tonight and I can see all the fat that needs to go away. As much as I want 'him' to notice, I need to actually drop this weight to look decent.
I need to sleep more. Apparenly sleeping too little can cause weight gain. I think it's lessening my will power. No more of this 3hrs per night bullshit. I need 6-8hrs minimum.
Tomorrow I get to go home. Tomorrow I eat very little. Tomorrow I drink water, tea, tea, tea, water, juice and have an apple for food. Tomorrow I try to get back to 140 by Saturday morning.
My legs feel better. Hopefully I can walk tomorrow.
Everything is for tomorrow... always tomorrow..... No more yesterdays.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Success And Failiure
The 6 in 6 is over. Done. Pointless for now. I binged so badly today that there is no way I will get down there by Friday.
Measurements will have to wait. It will be the 24th when we do them, giving me 11 days. I can't even say 11 days to drop 6lbs.
My legs hurt today. Hurt bad. I can barely walk. Feels like I'm ripping my calf muscles out of my legs with every step. Can't put weight on the balls of my feet. Worst thing was I found myself trying to talk myself out of going to the gym. I'm injured. I shouldn't have to talk myself out of going!
I started my day with breakfast at McDonalds. It tasted so good yet so disgusting all in one go. I ate my salad for lunch, then went with one of the gals at work to 5 Guys and I promptly ate an entire cheeseburger and regular cajun fries. I also ate most of a bag of Maltesers, a bunch of M&M peanuts, and a handful of Mike and Ikes. After downing my diet Pepsi I hit up Stupidstore and bought a chocolate croissant, candy, and a salmon bento box. I ate the candy and shortbread on the way home, feeling full enough to puke the entire way.
Once back at my friends I heated up the bento box and proceeded to stuff my face, until about halfway when I couldn't possibly fit any more food in. I then managed to accomplish something I've been trying to for months.
I purged.
Wasn't much, but damn it felt good. I still don't regret it. I wish I would have kept at it, see how much more I could get out, but my friend came home and I had to go move my car.
I was 139.2lbs this morning. I was 143.7lbs an hour ago. I've gained 4.5lbs in one day of gorging. I'm now back to before Christmas weight.
I can't fast. It won't work. I have to eat like a bird. Salads, juice, water, and stay the fuck away from sugar/candy. I think that's whats doing me in. I'm allowing myself 'treats' again instead of constantly thinking what I am eating. I need to stop putting my food in the myfitnesspal app on my phone at the beginning of the day, and instead do it as I go through the day.
Tomorrow, toss all the candy and shit in my car. Take it into work, throw it in the garbage. Whatever I need to do. Maybe I need to go back to having my half an oatmeal? I have to try as this is killing me. Half an oatmeal tomorrow morning, and tea for the drive. Yogurt and salad for lunch, apple and rice cake for pre gym snack (legs provided.... If I can't walk, no gym as I'll damage something. I'll go to the mall instead after work). No juices. Just water. The Hard Core class is at 6pm so be at the gym by 5pm. Cardio, core, then weights. Home by 8pm. Shower and pack.
Booked some more sessions with Shaun. Told him thanks and that I 'preciate his help. He sent me back a message that he appreciated me.
That made my day.
Measurements will have to wait. It will be the 24th when we do them, giving me 11 days. I can't even say 11 days to drop 6lbs.
My legs hurt today. Hurt bad. I can barely walk. Feels like I'm ripping my calf muscles out of my legs with every step. Can't put weight on the balls of my feet. Worst thing was I found myself trying to talk myself out of going to the gym. I'm injured. I shouldn't have to talk myself out of going!
I started my day with breakfast at McDonalds. It tasted so good yet so disgusting all in one go. I ate my salad for lunch, then went with one of the gals at work to 5 Guys and I promptly ate an entire cheeseburger and regular cajun fries. I also ate most of a bag of Maltesers, a bunch of M&M peanuts, and a handful of Mike and Ikes. After downing my diet Pepsi I hit up Stupidstore and bought a chocolate croissant, candy, and a salmon bento box. I ate the candy and shortbread on the way home, feeling full enough to puke the entire way.
Once back at my friends I heated up the bento box and proceeded to stuff my face, until about halfway when I couldn't possibly fit any more food in. I then managed to accomplish something I've been trying to for months.
I purged.
Wasn't much, but damn it felt good. I still don't regret it. I wish I would have kept at it, see how much more I could get out, but my friend came home and I had to go move my car.
I was 139.2lbs this morning. I was 143.7lbs an hour ago. I've gained 4.5lbs in one day of gorging. I'm now back to before Christmas weight.
I can't fast. It won't work. I have to eat like a bird. Salads, juice, water, and stay the fuck away from sugar/candy. I think that's whats doing me in. I'm allowing myself 'treats' again instead of constantly thinking what I am eating. I need to stop putting my food in the myfitnesspal app on my phone at the beginning of the day, and instead do it as I go through the day.
Tomorrow, toss all the candy and shit in my car. Take it into work, throw it in the garbage. Whatever I need to do. Maybe I need to go back to having my half an oatmeal? I have to try as this is killing me. Half an oatmeal tomorrow morning, and tea for the drive. Yogurt and salad for lunch, apple and rice cake for pre gym snack (legs provided.... If I can't walk, no gym as I'll damage something. I'll go to the mall instead after work). No juices. Just water. The Hard Core class is at 6pm so be at the gym by 5pm. Cardio, core, then weights. Home by 8pm. Shower and pack.
Booked some more sessions with Shaun. Told him thanks and that I 'preciate his help. He sent me back a message that he appreciated me.
That made my day.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Day 3
My neck hurts. Can only mean one of three things: I hit my head (don't remember that so lets strike that one off the list), I tweaked something in my neck (possible... poor posture, computer work etc) or I'm about to get horribly sick. Not cold like sick, flu like sick. It has happened very few times, last time about a year and half ago. It really wasn't fun, crazy fever, and insane pain all over my body. I hope I just tweaked something.
My legs, mostly my calves (calfs?) hurt today from Zumba. They really are quite stiff! Work was ok. Vince was back and we chatted a bit. I told him some stuff, but kept most of it to myself. No point stirring the pot if I'm leaving that store in 3 weeks. I got a ton of stuff done though, stayed focused and worked an extra hour.
I was doing well today. I did have a Skinny Caramel Mocchiato (only half a Grande) but was fine up till the gym. My poor legs just didn't feel up to it so I only did a half hour (not even!) on the bike, then some arms and abs. I hit up Stupidstore on the way home and got face cleaner seeing as I left mine at home. Then I wandered the aisles. I bought a cheese roll, and some candy. Once in my car I cracked all the bags and ate almost all the cheese roll, a bunch of licorice allsorts, chocolate covered ju jubes (really not as good as they sound... I was disappointed but it didn't stop me pigging out on them) and which chocolate almond bark. I ate until I got to my friends house then stuffed it all in the caddy between the seats. I now have a ton of goodies awaiting me in the morning when I get up.
Ugh.
So 1200 calories later....
I'm 139.8lbs... Only up .4 from this morning. yeah, I didn't break 139 today which I wanted to, meaning that I have 4 days to drop 4.4lbs. I should be 138.? by morning though, and if I fast for Friday that should help too.
I did email Shaun about Monday as I have the day off. I mentionned that it should have been measurements that week and we could either do it on the Monday or the Saturday following. I'm obviously wanting the Saturday as that is not the day after the Christmas party for work. I know I said I don't want to do them anymore, but that sick part of me wants to get below his goal on the scale (which means I have to be less than 137.8 as I'm pretty consistenly 2.2lbs heavier with my clothes on and at the gym) to see what his reaction, if any, will be. If he reacts, I'll stop having measurements. If he doesn't, I'll keep going.
I feel sick.... I ate waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. I've had half a hot chocolate since as I didn't feel like having tea. Sad part is that I'm craving a McDicks mcmuffin. I have to open up tomorrow so I have to be there early and there's a damn mcdicks in the parking lot. Part of me wants to have a mcmuffin and hashbrown and only take a bite of each....
Anyways, plan for tomorrow is up EARLY, have to be up by 5:45am and be gone by 6:20am. Taking more food with me so I can hopefully stave off another binge. Tea for breakfast, then salad and yogurt for lunch. I may take a rice cup for a late snack around 4pm and my rice cake. I've also got an apple I can cut up, or one of the juices... haven't decided yet.
Zumba is at 7pm, and I might do the power weights class after. I won't be done at the gym till 9pm so too late for dinner. If I leave work at 5:30pm (2hrs after I'm supposed to be off) and get to the gym by 6pm, time for a go on the elliptical before the two classes, then done for the day. Thursday is a day off, and maybe go to the gym on Friday.
I really want a burger now...
This is getting ridiculous.
I almsot wish I could be sick so I wouldn't eat....
My legs, mostly my calves (calfs?) hurt today from Zumba. They really are quite stiff! Work was ok. Vince was back and we chatted a bit. I told him some stuff, but kept most of it to myself. No point stirring the pot if I'm leaving that store in 3 weeks. I got a ton of stuff done though, stayed focused and worked an extra hour.
I was doing well today. I did have a Skinny Caramel Mocchiato (only half a Grande) but was fine up till the gym. My poor legs just didn't feel up to it so I only did a half hour (not even!) on the bike, then some arms and abs. I hit up Stupidstore on the way home and got face cleaner seeing as I left mine at home. Then I wandered the aisles. I bought a cheese roll, and some candy. Once in my car I cracked all the bags and ate almost all the cheese roll, a bunch of licorice allsorts, chocolate covered ju jubes (really not as good as they sound... I was disappointed but it didn't stop me pigging out on them) and which chocolate almond bark. I ate until I got to my friends house then stuffed it all in the caddy between the seats. I now have a ton of goodies awaiting me in the morning when I get up.
Ugh.
So 1200 calories later....
I'm 139.8lbs... Only up .4 from this morning. yeah, I didn't break 139 today which I wanted to, meaning that I have 4 days to drop 4.4lbs. I should be 138.? by morning though, and if I fast for Friday that should help too.
I did email Shaun about Monday as I have the day off. I mentionned that it should have been measurements that week and we could either do it on the Monday or the Saturday following. I'm obviously wanting the Saturday as that is not the day after the Christmas party for work. I know I said I don't want to do them anymore, but that sick part of me wants to get below his goal on the scale (which means I have to be less than 137.8 as I'm pretty consistenly 2.2lbs heavier with my clothes on and at the gym) to see what his reaction, if any, will be. If he reacts, I'll stop having measurements. If he doesn't, I'll keep going.
I feel sick.... I ate waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. I've had half a hot chocolate since as I didn't feel like having tea. Sad part is that I'm craving a McDicks mcmuffin. I have to open up tomorrow so I have to be there early and there's a damn mcdicks in the parking lot. Part of me wants to have a mcmuffin and hashbrown and only take a bite of each....
Anyways, plan for tomorrow is up EARLY, have to be up by 5:45am and be gone by 6:20am. Taking more food with me so I can hopefully stave off another binge. Tea for breakfast, then salad and yogurt for lunch. I may take a rice cup for a late snack around 4pm and my rice cake. I've also got an apple I can cut up, or one of the juices... haven't decided yet.
Zumba is at 7pm, and I might do the power weights class after. I won't be done at the gym till 9pm so too late for dinner. If I leave work at 5:30pm (2hrs after I'm supposed to be off) and get to the gym by 6pm, time for a go on the elliptical before the two classes, then done for the day. Thursday is a day off, and maybe go to the gym on Friday.
I really want a burger now...
This is getting ridiculous.
I almsot wish I could be sick so I wouldn't eat....
Monday, January 10, 2011
Day 2
I was back under 140 this morning. 139.4 was a glorious number to see.
Roads weren't too bad getting to work, the problem was no one remembered how to drive on them. Took me a full half hour longer to get to work. It will be just as bad tomorrow.
Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day. First day I get to work with my new boss as he's been off on 'vacation' for the last week. (He went to visit his ailing father. I feel bad saying vacation as it probably wasn't fun). I have to ask him about this weekend, if I can get the Monday off also so I can go to the Christmas party, and get that extra training session in.
Today I went until about 1pm before having my salad, then yogurt at 3pm. Rice cake was eaten on the way to the gym and I had a few 5 Guys cajun fries. By few, I think I had 5 or 6...
Went for about 25 min on the elliptical (I don't like the ones up here as much, but I promised Shaun I wouldn't run for a few days) then the hour of Zumba. I felt very uncoordinated but still got a leg work out. Hit the pool afterwards.
I can swim, I learned when I was a kid. I used to be quite good at it also. I just haven't done it in a really really long time. I was a bit nervous. Once I got in the water though it was awesome. I had the pool to myself and swam for 20-25min.....
Headed back to Stef's place where I showered, and began to binge. I had my 35cal soup and a cup of tea. Then I ate some of the rice pudding she made me with splenda, then after she went to bed I ate 2 cupcakes, 3 chocolates, chips, salsa, rice cakes, licorice, and more. I ended up bailing and heading downstairs to get away from the food. I was 140.3 after that ( I had been 137.8 after the gym...)
Been chilling out in bed and playing around on facebook since then, water and vitamin water by my bedside. No more tea tonight!!!
I ate somewhere around 700cals which is higher than my 500cal goal, but I burned around 600-650 which is ok I guess.
Tomorrow, same as today, minus post gym binge. No class tomorrow so I'm hoping to be at the gym for 2 hrs. I may stay late at work to avoid the traffic, and to avoid getting home too early. This way I can lie my way out of yet another dinner. (and I have to dispose of that rice pudding. There's enough in the fridge with my name on it for 3 or 4 more deserts....)
Hoping for 138.5 or lower by morning. That will give me 4 days to lose 3.5lbs.
Wander: Stay warm!!! Our snow storm has abated, but we're supposed to see another 10-15cm on Sunday alone, almost 30cm they're predicting for the weekend... It got up to -16C today and I FROZE at work. High of -26C tomorrow and I'm wearing a third shirt!!!
Roads weren't too bad getting to work, the problem was no one remembered how to drive on them. Took me a full half hour longer to get to work. It will be just as bad tomorrow.
Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day. First day I get to work with my new boss as he's been off on 'vacation' for the last week. (He went to visit his ailing father. I feel bad saying vacation as it probably wasn't fun). I have to ask him about this weekend, if I can get the Monday off also so I can go to the Christmas party, and get that extra training session in.
Today I went until about 1pm before having my salad, then yogurt at 3pm. Rice cake was eaten on the way to the gym and I had a few 5 Guys cajun fries. By few, I think I had 5 or 6...
Went for about 25 min on the elliptical (I don't like the ones up here as much, but I promised Shaun I wouldn't run for a few days) then the hour of Zumba. I felt very uncoordinated but still got a leg work out. Hit the pool afterwards.
I can swim, I learned when I was a kid. I used to be quite good at it also. I just haven't done it in a really really long time. I was a bit nervous. Once I got in the water though it was awesome. I had the pool to myself and swam for 20-25min.....
Headed back to Stef's place where I showered, and began to binge. I had my 35cal soup and a cup of tea. Then I ate some of the rice pudding she made me with splenda, then after she went to bed I ate 2 cupcakes, 3 chocolates, chips, salsa, rice cakes, licorice, and more. I ended up bailing and heading downstairs to get away from the food. I was 140.3 after that ( I had been 137.8 after the gym...)
Been chilling out in bed and playing around on facebook since then, water and vitamin water by my bedside. No more tea tonight!!!
I ate somewhere around 700cals which is higher than my 500cal goal, but I burned around 600-650 which is ok I guess.
Tomorrow, same as today, minus post gym binge. No class tomorrow so I'm hoping to be at the gym for 2 hrs. I may stay late at work to avoid the traffic, and to avoid getting home too early. This way I can lie my way out of yet another dinner. (and I have to dispose of that rice pudding. There's enough in the fridge with my name on it for 3 or 4 more deserts....)
Hoping for 138.5 or lower by morning. That will give me 4 days to lose 3.5lbs.
Wander: Stay warm!!! Our snow storm has abated, but we're supposed to see another 10-15cm on Sunday alone, almost 30cm they're predicting for the weekend... It got up to -16C today and I FROZE at work. High of -26C tomorrow and I'm wearing a third shirt!!!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
6 in 6
That's what I'm calling this 'plan', or diet. Whatever it is...
6lbs in 6 days. Tough goal but I want to be 135 by Saturday morning.
Today was all liquids. Tea for breakfast, water while Devon did my hair, coffee for the drive up (I did have a XL double double.... Figured the drive would be hell enough so treat myself with some creme and sugar), half a diet pepsi, water and more tea once I got here. Apparently it's 313 cals but I had 2% milk in one of the teas so add a few more cals. Still stayed under 500 though!!! (stupid double double....)
I HURT this morning. My arms were so sore. Right around my armpits so its the change in routine yesterday. I could barely get a shirt on, let alone do up my damn bra. Probably didn't help that for dinner I had no protein and a shit ton of chocolate and popcorn. Not good recovery food. However, like I told Shaun, it's just the change up of things. Every time we change something around I hurt right after, then I get used to it pretty damn quick.
The weather was shit. Really horrible. Blowing snow and we had quite the dumping yesterday. I had to shovel this morning twice and when I left at 3pm it needed another shovel. We dyed my hair, not sure if I quite like it, and chopped it shorter. We bleached the black out a bit, then added a red/brown. Because of the natural red in my hair it came out a dark copper. I miss the black but am intregued by the red. If I do go to New York in Feb, I'm definatly going back to black hair though.
I managed to avoid food at my friends by saying I ate bad sushi last night (LIE) and that I don't like coconut once she offered me a muffin she had made (parital lie... I'm not a fan of coconut but I'll eat it...)
For most of the day I've been fine food wise. I have had some insane cravings though. Mostly for chocolate and junk so I'm just craving the sugar. I need to lay off for a day or so. No Starbucks fancy drinks, just the black Chai, no fruit and no bad food. I've just been repeating to myself '6 in 6, 6 in 6' just to keep focused. No going into grocery stores unles absolutly necessary and NO walking down the aisles that I know will tempt me.
Tomorrow, tea for breakfast and I'll have a yogurt to break the fast. I'll also take salad for lunch and a rice cake for before the gym. Zumba starts at 6pm so I'll have to be really organized to get there in time. I promised Shaun no treadmills for a few days so I'll hit an elliptical, do some light weights if my arms can handle it, Zumba and I think I might like to swim for a bit after. Bloody cat bit through the goggles I bought two days ago so I have to go buy more, but a half hour doing laps should be fun. I haven't done that in a really long time and it's low impact.
Should put me back here by 8pm, late enough to have a cup a soup and tea and maybe some snack my friend tries to make me eat. Without the snack it's less than 200 cals (maybe I'll have half a protein drink too... I'll need the addition along with loads of water).
I was 139 before my tea so I'm hoping to be right back to 139 by morning. 138 would be awesome, but perhaps too much of a stretch.
Wonder if anyone will notice when I finally hit 135.....
6lbs in 6 days. Tough goal but I want to be 135 by Saturday morning.
Today was all liquids. Tea for breakfast, water while Devon did my hair, coffee for the drive up (I did have a XL double double.... Figured the drive would be hell enough so treat myself with some creme and sugar), half a diet pepsi, water and more tea once I got here. Apparently it's 313 cals but I had 2% milk in one of the teas so add a few more cals. Still stayed under 500 though!!! (stupid double double....)
I HURT this morning. My arms were so sore. Right around my armpits so its the change in routine yesterday. I could barely get a shirt on, let alone do up my damn bra. Probably didn't help that for dinner I had no protein and a shit ton of chocolate and popcorn. Not good recovery food. However, like I told Shaun, it's just the change up of things. Every time we change something around I hurt right after, then I get used to it pretty damn quick.
The weather was shit. Really horrible. Blowing snow and we had quite the dumping yesterday. I had to shovel this morning twice and when I left at 3pm it needed another shovel. We dyed my hair, not sure if I quite like it, and chopped it shorter. We bleached the black out a bit, then added a red/brown. Because of the natural red in my hair it came out a dark copper. I miss the black but am intregued by the red. If I do go to New York in Feb, I'm definatly going back to black hair though.
I managed to avoid food at my friends by saying I ate bad sushi last night (LIE) and that I don't like coconut once she offered me a muffin she had made (parital lie... I'm not a fan of coconut but I'll eat it...)
For most of the day I've been fine food wise. I have had some insane cravings though. Mostly for chocolate and junk so I'm just craving the sugar. I need to lay off for a day or so. No Starbucks fancy drinks, just the black Chai, no fruit and no bad food. I've just been repeating to myself '6 in 6, 6 in 6' just to keep focused. No going into grocery stores unles absolutly necessary and NO walking down the aisles that I know will tempt me.
Tomorrow, tea for breakfast and I'll have a yogurt to break the fast. I'll also take salad for lunch and a rice cake for before the gym. Zumba starts at 6pm so I'll have to be really organized to get there in time. I promised Shaun no treadmills for a few days so I'll hit an elliptical, do some light weights if my arms can handle it, Zumba and I think I might like to swim for a bit after. Bloody cat bit through the goggles I bought two days ago so I have to go buy more, but a half hour doing laps should be fun. I haven't done that in a really long time and it's low impact.
Should put me back here by 8pm, late enough to have a cup a soup and tea and maybe some snack my friend tries to make me eat. Without the snack it's less than 200 cals (maybe I'll have half a protein drink too... I'll need the addition along with loads of water).
I was 139 before my tea so I'm hoping to be right back to 139 by morning. 138 would be awesome, but perhaps too much of a stretch.
Wonder if anyone will notice when I finally hit 135.....
New Routine
141.0 this morning. Fuck. I can only hope it will be less than that in the morning. I need it to be less than that in the morning. Considering I'm 142.7lbs right now, not bloody likely.
I ate half an oatmeal in the morning with tea, before heading to chiro. Then water and headed to work. Hung out for a bit then Shaun showed up with his computer and I chatted with people while we got some free stuff downloaded for him. Managed to get to the gym late and only ran for 20min.
New routine day. First of 3 days, arms today, then back then legs. Changing it up a bit, kept some, lost some, added some routines. I posted on FB that I wanted to be able to do a chinup at some point in my life and Shaun saw it, so that's the plan. Get me to chinup point. He wanted to see what I could do so I tried and failed miserably. He then grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up a bit so he could see if I can hold myself once I'm up. I can't but the thought that stayed with me as that he had to hold onto me. My waist is smaller, but my hips, ass and legs are still massive.
After 35 min on the elliptical and a shower, I made the Guinness cupcakes and had to sample a bit. Then went to a movie where I scarfed on popcorn, coffee crisp bites, diet pepsi and came home to stuff my face on cupcakes.
No wonder I can't drop the weight.
Liquids only now. Tea for breakfast, juice during the day, tea for dinner. Have to head back tomorrow and the weather is awful. Blowing snow and the roads/visibility is atrocious. Devon is coming over to do my hair and we should be done by 3pm at which point I need to get on the road. I have to be organized tomorrow!!! Up early, clean, laundry, chill with some tea. Hit Walmart for a few supplies and then home to pack.
Plan for the week... not to take much more food with me. Skip breakfasts again, have salad and yogurt for lunch, rice cake before the gym. Hit the gym Mon, Tues and Weds doing Zumba where possible, and swimming otherwise. Shaun wants me away from treadmills so I'll honour that for a few days. I'm hoping I can do sub 500 cal days every day including Friday. I'm hoping I can be 135 by Friday.
6lbs in 6 days.
I ate half an oatmeal in the morning with tea, before heading to chiro. Then water and headed to work. Hung out for a bit then Shaun showed up with his computer and I chatted with people while we got some free stuff downloaded for him. Managed to get to the gym late and only ran for 20min.
New routine day. First of 3 days, arms today, then back then legs. Changing it up a bit, kept some, lost some, added some routines. I posted on FB that I wanted to be able to do a chinup at some point in my life and Shaun saw it, so that's the plan. Get me to chinup point. He wanted to see what I could do so I tried and failed miserably. He then grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up a bit so he could see if I can hold myself once I'm up. I can't but the thought that stayed with me as that he had to hold onto me. My waist is smaller, but my hips, ass and legs are still massive.
After 35 min on the elliptical and a shower, I made the Guinness cupcakes and had to sample a bit. Then went to a movie where I scarfed on popcorn, coffee crisp bites, diet pepsi and came home to stuff my face on cupcakes.
No wonder I can't drop the weight.
Liquids only now. Tea for breakfast, juice during the day, tea for dinner. Have to head back tomorrow and the weather is awful. Blowing snow and the roads/visibility is atrocious. Devon is coming over to do my hair and we should be done by 3pm at which point I need to get on the road. I have to be organized tomorrow!!! Up early, clean, laundry, chill with some tea. Hit Walmart for a few supplies and then home to pack.
Plan for the week... not to take much more food with me. Skip breakfasts again, have salad and yogurt for lunch, rice cake before the gym. Hit the gym Mon, Tues and Weds doing Zumba where possible, and swimming otherwise. Shaun wants me away from treadmills so I'll honour that for a few days. I'm hoping I can do sub 500 cal days every day including Friday. I'm hoping I can be 135 by Friday.
6lbs in 6 days.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Here We Go Again...
And I find myself in the same damn place again.... Fat. Eating. Screwing up my plans. No self control. No will power. Lazy. Useless.
I managed to get to around 8pm. I had a tea, water, vitamin water, the berry smoothie (240cals) and a black chai tea from Starbucks. On the way home I picked up a diet Pepsi as I was getting very drowsy on the drive, and a flavoured water (10cals). I got home, changed, and made soup at 9pm (beef vegetable. 80cals and almost all broth).
Then all hell broke lose. I ate a bag of 100cal popcorn, with about 200cals worth of Nutella, several rice cakes, a fruit leather, cereal, chips and salsa and a ton of licorice.
Its midnight and I weigh 142lbs. I was 140 this morning.
I can't belive I was 137.9 4 days ago.
I have 14 or so days until the weigh in (depends on how my days off work). I HAVE to be 135 by then. I can't keep this same damn goal over and over and over again.
Tomorrow: Tea for breakfast then half of one of the protein smoothies before the gym, half after. Vitamin water and water are in order for the rest of the day. Heading out with Jason in the evening, probably a movie. I will have diet pepsi, and some popcorn (if he buys candy, I'll steal some!) But THATS IT!!!! And NO pigging out!!! Have a handful or so before the movie, put the popcorn on the floor, and pick it up again when it gets into the movie.
Sunday: All liquids. I told Stef I'd be back around 8pm, late enough to miss dinner. Tea, water, maybe a juice if I must.
Monday: Salad for lunch and yogurt. Water, tea and juice. Gym in the evening.
Basically stay the same for the week. Mostly liquids with a healthy helping of salad and yogurt to keep things going. If I can handle that all week I should drop the 5lbs or whatever it's going to be. I may even get lower if I stick to it, and the workouts.
Could I hit 125 by my birthday in March? 15lbs in 2 months... bit of a stretch considering the last 2 months, but I need to focus!!!
I managed to get to around 8pm. I had a tea, water, vitamin water, the berry smoothie (240cals) and a black chai tea from Starbucks. On the way home I picked up a diet Pepsi as I was getting very drowsy on the drive, and a flavoured water (10cals). I got home, changed, and made soup at 9pm (beef vegetable. 80cals and almost all broth).
Then all hell broke lose. I ate a bag of 100cal popcorn, with about 200cals worth of Nutella, several rice cakes, a fruit leather, cereal, chips and salsa and a ton of licorice.
Its midnight and I weigh 142lbs. I was 140 this morning.
I can't belive I was 137.9 4 days ago.
I have 14 or so days until the weigh in (depends on how my days off work). I HAVE to be 135 by then. I can't keep this same damn goal over and over and over again.
Tomorrow: Tea for breakfast then half of one of the protein smoothies before the gym, half after. Vitamin water and water are in order for the rest of the day. Heading out with Jason in the evening, probably a movie. I will have diet pepsi, and some popcorn (if he buys candy, I'll steal some!) But THATS IT!!!! And NO pigging out!!! Have a handful or so before the movie, put the popcorn on the floor, and pick it up again when it gets into the movie.
Sunday: All liquids. I told Stef I'd be back around 8pm, late enough to miss dinner. Tea, water, maybe a juice if I must.
Monday: Salad for lunch and yogurt. Water, tea and juice. Gym in the evening.
Basically stay the same for the week. Mostly liquids with a healthy helping of salad and yogurt to keep things going. If I can handle that all week I should drop the 5lbs or whatever it's going to be. I may even get lower if I stick to it, and the workouts.
Could I hit 125 by my birthday in March? 15lbs in 2 months... bit of a stretch considering the last 2 months, but I need to focus!!!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Almost There!
I get to drive home tomorrow... I'm pretty damn excited.
Managed to get a bit more sleep, then spent all day eating. I ate oatmeal, chocolate, sushi, my lunch and then binged on Burger King. Fuck it tasted good.
Tomorrow, liquids only I'm going to try for. Take tea, vitamin water, juice and water to work. Grab a tea from starbucks to have while driving home, and then head to the gym. I want to run (or bike... depends on the knee) and do some light weights (depends if Shaun is there or not. If he is, it will be light weights. If he isn't, I'm doing legs) then head home to CRASH!!!!
I should be back to 138 by Saturday. Want to be 136 by Monday morning.
Had the two of the district team in my store today. They both asked about my gym time, etc. I told them I was doing 2-3 hrs, 4-5times a week, but they think I"m all 'healthy' though he did say to be careful I don't take it to an extreme.... I kinda think it's too late.
I think I've lost a bit of control and I need to gain it back. I'm allowing myself too many treats and thinking about what I'm missing, instead of embracing what I'm controlling. Hoping this weekend I can get back into the mindset. I can't not eat all weekend as training will kill me, but as I don't drive, I should be able to have a very very low food weekend. I'm hoping to only eat before training, and a small snack after. Soup will be consumed, but only at night and only the broth.
Can't wait for tomorrows work to end.
Mother Nature, please don't hate me too much!!! Please don't snow too crazily!!! That drive will be scary otherwise.
Managed to get a bit more sleep, then spent all day eating. I ate oatmeal, chocolate, sushi, my lunch and then binged on Burger King. Fuck it tasted good.
Tomorrow, liquids only I'm going to try for. Take tea, vitamin water, juice and water to work. Grab a tea from starbucks to have while driving home, and then head to the gym. I want to run (or bike... depends on the knee) and do some light weights (depends if Shaun is there or not. If he is, it will be light weights. If he isn't, I'm doing legs) then head home to CRASH!!!!
I should be back to 138 by Saturday. Want to be 136 by Monday morning.
Had the two of the district team in my store today. They both asked about my gym time, etc. I told them I was doing 2-3 hrs, 4-5times a week, but they think I"m all 'healthy' though he did say to be careful I don't take it to an extreme.... I kinda think it's too late.
I think I've lost a bit of control and I need to gain it back. I'm allowing myself too many treats and thinking about what I'm missing, instead of embracing what I'm controlling. Hoping this weekend I can get back into the mindset. I can't not eat all weekend as training will kill me, but as I don't drive, I should be able to have a very very low food weekend. I'm hoping to only eat before training, and a small snack after. Soup will be consumed, but only at night and only the broth.
Can't wait for tomorrows work to end.
Mother Nature, please don't hate me too much!!! Please don't snow too crazily!!! That drive will be scary otherwise.
Zumba!!!
I woke up at 137.9lbs this morning. Almost a new LW!!!
Won't last long though, unless I can drop 3lbs overnight. I'm 140.8 right now.
Merde!!!!
Work was shit as usual.
Gym was better. Ran for 30 min and then went to Zumba. In the first 5 minutes I felt my knee go, then ignored it for the rest of the class. It was hard, but fun. Loud spanish dance music and a very energetic and emotive teacher, full class, boys included. We danced around, jumped, kicked and twirled. Definatly a class to go back to.
While leaving I could feel my legs and ass getting sore... good. Wasnt' sure if I'd done anything but this means I'm working two areas that really need the attention! Hit Stupidstore afterwards to get an icepack and ended up picking up some prunes (not too bad) and some chocolate wafers. I ate all the chocolate by the time I got back to Stefs house, and only half of the prunes. After my shower I proceeded to eat soup, cookie, candy, licorice, rice cakes, cheerios... I probably hit around 900 cals today.
Hence the 140.8lbs.
My knee hurts, I'm cranky and tired, trainer saw my post that my knee hurt on facebook and wants me to stay off it for a week. Tomorrow won't be an issue, but I was going to run on Friday once I got back home.
Tomorrow. 137 is out of the question, maybe 138 still is ok. Have tea for breakfast and maybe oatmeal (depending on if Stef is up in the morning. Later shift so I won't be able to get away with no breaky). Hit the mall to get my sisters gift, then early to work. Water, tea and salad for work. I'll take a yogurt and soup as well but want to avoid the soup. Work till 10pm, home, tea and bed. Up friday, work then home and gym. Thinking after training on Saturday I'll jump into another liquid fast until Monday morning. I've got about 2 weeks to drop to 135. I have to do it.
Maybe if I'm good I'll have a skinny somethingorother from Starbucks...mmmmmm.
Won't last long though, unless I can drop 3lbs overnight. I'm 140.8 right now.
Merde!!!!
Work was shit as usual.
Gym was better. Ran for 30 min and then went to Zumba. In the first 5 minutes I felt my knee go, then ignored it for the rest of the class. It was hard, but fun. Loud spanish dance music and a very energetic and emotive teacher, full class, boys included. We danced around, jumped, kicked and twirled. Definatly a class to go back to.
While leaving I could feel my legs and ass getting sore... good. Wasnt' sure if I'd done anything but this means I'm working two areas that really need the attention! Hit Stupidstore afterwards to get an icepack and ended up picking up some prunes (not too bad) and some chocolate wafers. I ate all the chocolate by the time I got back to Stefs house, and only half of the prunes. After my shower I proceeded to eat soup, cookie, candy, licorice, rice cakes, cheerios... I probably hit around 900 cals today.
Hence the 140.8lbs.
My knee hurts, I'm cranky and tired, trainer saw my post that my knee hurt on facebook and wants me to stay off it for a week. Tomorrow won't be an issue, but I was going to run on Friday once I got back home.
Tomorrow. 137 is out of the question, maybe 138 still is ok. Have tea for breakfast and maybe oatmeal (depending on if Stef is up in the morning. Later shift so I won't be able to get away with no breaky). Hit the mall to get my sisters gift, then early to work. Water, tea and salad for work. I'll take a yogurt and soup as well but want to avoid the soup. Work till 10pm, home, tea and bed. Up friday, work then home and gym. Thinking after training on Saturday I'll jump into another liquid fast until Monday morning. I've got about 2 weeks to drop to 135. I have to do it.
Maybe if I'm good I'll have a skinny somethingorother from Starbucks...mmmmmm.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Another Day
Slept in by 20 minutes, hair wouldn't co-operate, traffic was bad, still managed to get to work with moments to spare. Work was work again. I got some stuff done but I just was more interested in chatting and checking shit on my phone.... I have to stop that. Tomorrow needs to be a work day. I have a giant list of shit to do and it's not going to get itself done.
One of the big bosses was hanging around in the store today. Guess I'll have to get used to that with them all living here. Anyways, we went for coffee at Starbucks and I was going to get a black spiced tea but saw the skinny caramel machiatto so I had one of those. Only drank half, so about 80cals. Around 3pm I ate my lunch and he made a comment about why I left it so late. I did notice when I went to the bathroom that my pants are beginning to look excessively large on me. They are the same pants I wore when I was 190 (but as everyone constantly tells me I carried it well) and I just can't be bothered to go buy more if they're talking about changing the uniforms in the new fiscal year. However, if it will stop comments like that I may need to go buy pants that are perhaps a bit snugger.
Gym after work. It's so warm in the cardio area. I only ran for 20min and I could feel my calves and hamstrings tightening. Went to the womens area and did biceps on the machine and the spreader and stretcher as Shaun so delicatly puts it. I could feel my hip complaining very loudly one the pushing one so I did have to stop a few reps shy. Hit the leg press but I can't remember the weight. I could have put more on though. Then spent some time doing abs. Went 'home' after as I was hoping to see the kids but they were already in bed. After a shower I ate soup, then licorice, some candy, chips and salsa (only 6 or so), a small cookie and a rice cake... I feel like I binged but there is no way I ate more than 600cals all day. Perhaps on the bright side there will be enough in me to fuel my day tomorrow!!!
I was 139.6 before bed. I was 138.2 this morning. I am hoping to remain 138.5 or less by morning. Going to take the Zumba class tomorrow which is at 7pm. I need to hit the gym by 6pm at the latest. Do some light cardio then some weights before being at the class by 6:50 or so. Soon as the class is done, home and shower. I am sure I will end up eating the rest of that soup but if I stay downstairs I shouldn't eat too much. That's my issue, I'm in the living room surrounded by the snack plates and watching TV. Downstairs I have my laptop, book, kettle and tea... yeah there's snacks like rice cakes, but less likely to go mental on rice cakes than cookies!
Tired. Legs are tired, arms are tired. Back hurts, I just want to be at home. I miss my gym, I miss my cats, I miss my TV, my candles, my yoga class, my core class.
And in my mind I can hear a voice saying use this, use this to starve.......
One of the big bosses was hanging around in the store today. Guess I'll have to get used to that with them all living here. Anyways, we went for coffee at Starbucks and I was going to get a black spiced tea but saw the skinny caramel machiatto so I had one of those. Only drank half, so about 80cals. Around 3pm I ate my lunch and he made a comment about why I left it so late. I did notice when I went to the bathroom that my pants are beginning to look excessively large on me. They are the same pants I wore when I was 190 (but as everyone constantly tells me I carried it well) and I just can't be bothered to go buy more if they're talking about changing the uniforms in the new fiscal year. However, if it will stop comments like that I may need to go buy pants that are perhaps a bit snugger.
Gym after work. It's so warm in the cardio area. I only ran for 20min and I could feel my calves and hamstrings tightening. Went to the womens area and did biceps on the machine and the spreader and stretcher as Shaun so delicatly puts it. I could feel my hip complaining very loudly one the pushing one so I did have to stop a few reps shy. Hit the leg press but I can't remember the weight. I could have put more on though. Then spent some time doing abs. Went 'home' after as I was hoping to see the kids but they were already in bed. After a shower I ate soup, then licorice, some candy, chips and salsa (only 6 or so), a small cookie and a rice cake... I feel like I binged but there is no way I ate more than 600cals all day. Perhaps on the bright side there will be enough in me to fuel my day tomorrow!!!
I was 139.6 before bed. I was 138.2 this morning. I am hoping to remain 138.5 or less by morning. Going to take the Zumba class tomorrow which is at 7pm. I need to hit the gym by 6pm at the latest. Do some light cardio then some weights before being at the class by 6:50 or so. Soon as the class is done, home and shower. I am sure I will end up eating the rest of that soup but if I stay downstairs I shouldn't eat too much. That's my issue, I'm in the living room surrounded by the snack plates and watching TV. Downstairs I have my laptop, book, kettle and tea... yeah there's snacks like rice cakes, but less likely to go mental on rice cakes than cookies!
Tired. Legs are tired, arms are tired. Back hurts, I just want to be at home. I miss my gym, I miss my cats, I miss my TV, my candles, my yoga class, my core class.
And in my mind I can hear a voice saying use this, use this to starve.......
Monday, January 3, 2011
11:57pm
I need to go to sleep. I'm tired, I hurt, I feel full.
Long day at work beginning with the alarm clock scaring the shit out of me. Guess I set it too loud. Went to work and began at my new store. Holy shit is there a ton not done!!! Policies and procedures not in place, and so much to catch up on. I'm not even sure where to start anymore!!! I have to go in and do a count tomorrow and get ready for inventory.
This is going to be a lot of work. So much work I'm not even sure where to begin.
After work I hit the gym. I checked out the pool and it's not too terribly huge. Maybe 2 lanes wide and at most 25m long? Probalby less. As soon as I finished my run there was a fleeing wish in my mind that I could go for a swim. It certainly would feel fantastic!!! Just not sure how I would feel in a bathing suit.
I headed downstairs to the weights and was a little annoyed to discover that in order for men to get to their change room they have to walk by the benches and free weights to get there. Lovely, a constant parade of initimdating men strolling past while I lift my tiny little weights.
I headed up to the yoga and it was very different. The room was very warm, 86F, and I'm not used to that. Within half an hour I was exhausted and feeling sick and dizzy. Similar to what I feel when I've had too hot a shower, or if I've been in a sauna. I managed to laze my way through the rest of the class trying not to pass out our puke. That full stomach of water was not helping but i was so damn thirsty! Up until that point I'd eaten maybe 100calories so that may have contributed too.
Once in the car and cooled down a bit I ate a rice cake and drove home. Told my friend that I'd eaten a wrap at the gym (they do have a snack bar but I have no idea if they sell wraps....) and wasn't hungry. I did eat a few chips and salsa when I got downstairs, and weighed myself. 139.0!!! After that I ate a bunch of licorice, 5 quality street chocolates, maybe a handful of caramel covered popcorn, and the last half of my mocha protein smoothie which set me back 180cals. So maybe around 500-600 cals in, most of it shit food, and around 350 cals on the treadmill, who knows on the weights and probably 75-100 during the yoga... I was 139.6 just before I jumped into bed.
If I can keep this up I should be good. I just need to eat a bit more during the day so I don't quite crash like that at the end. One yogurt wouldn't hurt!!!
I'm thinking I'll hit the gym tomorrow, and do more arms and two lots of cardio, then also on Weds and do legs then... I'd like to try the Zumba on Weds, it's at 7pm so maybe no legs. I'll take Thursday off, and go to my gym on Friday. Hmmm... Maybe I should leave legs until then.
I wonder if I could hit 136 by the weekend? If I keep this up I should be able to drop this pretty quick and then eat a bit more on the weekend before liquids only on Sunday.....
Long day at work beginning with the alarm clock scaring the shit out of me. Guess I set it too loud. Went to work and began at my new store. Holy shit is there a ton not done!!! Policies and procedures not in place, and so much to catch up on. I'm not even sure where to start anymore!!! I have to go in and do a count tomorrow and get ready for inventory.
This is going to be a lot of work. So much work I'm not even sure where to begin.
After work I hit the gym. I checked out the pool and it's not too terribly huge. Maybe 2 lanes wide and at most 25m long? Probalby less. As soon as I finished my run there was a fleeing wish in my mind that I could go for a swim. It certainly would feel fantastic!!! Just not sure how I would feel in a bathing suit.
I headed downstairs to the weights and was a little annoyed to discover that in order for men to get to their change room they have to walk by the benches and free weights to get there. Lovely, a constant parade of initimdating men strolling past while I lift my tiny little weights.
I headed up to the yoga and it was very different. The room was very warm, 86F, and I'm not used to that. Within half an hour I was exhausted and feeling sick and dizzy. Similar to what I feel when I've had too hot a shower, or if I've been in a sauna. I managed to laze my way through the rest of the class trying not to pass out our puke. That full stomach of water was not helping but i was so damn thirsty! Up until that point I'd eaten maybe 100calories so that may have contributed too.
Once in the car and cooled down a bit I ate a rice cake and drove home. Told my friend that I'd eaten a wrap at the gym (they do have a snack bar but I have no idea if they sell wraps....) and wasn't hungry. I did eat a few chips and salsa when I got downstairs, and weighed myself. 139.0!!! After that I ate a bunch of licorice, 5 quality street chocolates, maybe a handful of caramel covered popcorn, and the last half of my mocha protein smoothie which set me back 180cals. So maybe around 500-600 cals in, most of it shit food, and around 350 cals on the treadmill, who knows on the weights and probably 75-100 during the yoga... I was 139.6 just before I jumped into bed.
If I can keep this up I should be good. I just need to eat a bit more during the day so I don't quite crash like that at the end. One yogurt wouldn't hurt!!!
I'm thinking I'll hit the gym tomorrow, and do more arms and two lots of cardio, then also on Weds and do legs then... I'd like to try the Zumba on Weds, it's at 7pm so maybe no legs. I'll take Thursday off, and go to my gym on Friday. Hmmm... Maybe I should leave legs until then.
I wonder if I could hit 136 by the weekend? If I keep this up I should be able to drop this pretty quick and then eat a bit more on the weekend before liquids only on Sunday.....
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Moving Day...
Kinda....
I woke up late, at 8:30 or so and figured seeing as I'd already slept in, I guess I wasn't hitting the gym. Probably a good thing as I got behind all day! I packed, finished laundry, did a few errands then was off when it stopped snowing. I was sad. I'm not leaving completely right now, but I'm not going back to live there 7days a week and work there again more than likely. The more I think about the people I'm leaving behind, the sadder I get. Those that I work with that make me laugh, and the ones I hang out with. Also missing those that I know at the gym. I won't be able to take that core or yoga class anymore and I'm going to miss what I'm used to.
I unloaded and unpacked slowly, trying to organize everying. It's wierd as I don't have some things I take for granted... like a shelf in the bathroom to put all my stuff! Also a bedside table to put stuff in. I did bring my scale and charts (of course) and they've promised me privacy so hopefully it will follow through.
I managed only liquids today. I had tea, a Strawberry Banana smoothie and half of the mocha smoothie (the other half for tomorrow post work out thanks to the protein!) and more tea. Not enough water though. Think I only managed 2 cups. I did notice that my friend put creme and milk in my tea which freaked me out a bit. Tea doesn't need creme!!! I just drank it anyways as I didn't eat all day.
I am a bit proud of myself though. When I got to her house there's leftover candy out all over the place. There's licorice allsorts, and quality street candy, 2 of my favourites. I didn't touch either one. Tomorrow, after the gym I think I may have one candy if they are still out.
I did check out the gym here. There's one fairly close. It's HUGE though. It could eat my gym up and go back for more!!! There's even a friggin POOL in there!!! I feel like such a small town gal now! Their class schedule is huge, but I can only see one core class, 1030am on a day I will work 8-430.. Looks like core is on me now.
The way things will work it looks like I may be able to get away with eating way less than normal. I'll try and see what happens. If I'm going to do this I need to do it quick so Shaun doesn't catch it too quickly, as if this works I could definatly get below 135 fairly soon. I'll explain a bit more tomorrow as I really have to go to bed soon!!!! ( at least try to sleep).
Tomorrow... up at 630am. Leave for work at 7:30am at the latest. If I'm there early, stop at Starbucks. Take a tea with me, skip breakfast. For lunch, salad and yogurt, taking cottage cheese and rice cake for a pre gym snack. Hit the gym. There's a class I want to do at 7pm, so I'm hoping I can get to the gym in 30 min or less (stupid big cities), putting me at a good 2 hrs to change, run, lift weights and do the yoga. 8pm head back here to my friends house and hopefully crashing shortly after.
I woke up late, at 8:30 or so and figured seeing as I'd already slept in, I guess I wasn't hitting the gym. Probably a good thing as I got behind all day! I packed, finished laundry, did a few errands then was off when it stopped snowing. I was sad. I'm not leaving completely right now, but I'm not going back to live there 7days a week and work there again more than likely. The more I think about the people I'm leaving behind, the sadder I get. Those that I work with that make me laugh, and the ones I hang out with. Also missing those that I know at the gym. I won't be able to take that core or yoga class anymore and I'm going to miss what I'm used to.
I unloaded and unpacked slowly, trying to organize everying. It's wierd as I don't have some things I take for granted... like a shelf in the bathroom to put all my stuff! Also a bedside table to put stuff in. I did bring my scale and charts (of course) and they've promised me privacy so hopefully it will follow through.
I managed only liquids today. I had tea, a Strawberry Banana smoothie and half of the mocha smoothie (the other half for tomorrow post work out thanks to the protein!) and more tea. Not enough water though. Think I only managed 2 cups. I did notice that my friend put creme and milk in my tea which freaked me out a bit. Tea doesn't need creme!!! I just drank it anyways as I didn't eat all day.
I am a bit proud of myself though. When I got to her house there's leftover candy out all over the place. There's licorice allsorts, and quality street candy, 2 of my favourites. I didn't touch either one. Tomorrow, after the gym I think I may have one candy if they are still out.
I did check out the gym here. There's one fairly close. It's HUGE though. It could eat my gym up and go back for more!!! There's even a friggin POOL in there!!! I feel like such a small town gal now! Their class schedule is huge, but I can only see one core class, 1030am on a day I will work 8-430.. Looks like core is on me now.
The way things will work it looks like I may be able to get away with eating way less than normal. I'll try and see what happens. If I'm going to do this I need to do it quick so Shaun doesn't catch it too quickly, as if this works I could definatly get below 135 fairly soon. I'll explain a bit more tomorrow as I really have to go to bed soon!!!! ( at least try to sleep).
Tomorrow... up at 630am. Leave for work at 7:30am at the latest. If I'm there early, stop at Starbucks. Take a tea with me, skip breakfast. For lunch, salad and yogurt, taking cottage cheese and rice cake for a pre gym snack. Hit the gym. There's a class I want to do at 7pm, so I'm hoping I can get to the gym in 30 min or less (stupid big cities), putting me at a good 2 hrs to change, run, lift weights and do the yoga. 8pm head back here to my friends house and hopefully crashing shortly after.
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