I managed all of 4 hours of sleep last night. Just couldn't fall asleep.

Today was good!!! Got up early enough to do some yoga before showering, and I really enjoy it first thing in the morning, despite the lack of sleep. Helped stretch everything and totally helped my back out.

I got a chiropractors number from one of the guys at work so I may try to check that out next week. It's $85 for the first appt, then $40 aftewards. I'm hoping I can make do with 1 visit per week as otherwise it could get expensive!!!

I was sore this morning which was awesome. Feels like I've done something, especially those ones that he likes to poke on my side. The hamstrings feel almost perfect though. 156.0lbs this morning despite the mad pizza eating. Tonight I hit 157.3 and I don't think i'll be 156.0 by morning which blows as I've still got to hit 152.7lbs by tuesday.

Got most of my clothes together today, bagged and ready to go. Just gotta pack them. I'm looking at the stuff I'm taking and I will have tons of extra room I think!!! Pity I didn't have weights for it but I'm not sure if I'll regret that or not. Trying to arrange a get together with another gal but it's hard at the last minute.

Was trying out shirts to take with me as it's going to be 35C there (as opposed to the barely 20C we've been dealing with here!!!) and I can't wear anything too clingy still. As soon as I get all cocky and proud I notice the back flab hanging over my jeans, the belly that apparently won't go away and the giant ass.... This has all got to go and 12lbs doesn't seem like enough to go away. I'm still so proud of the 10lbs of fat loss, and that's mostly as 'S' seemed so excited about it. I wish it would have been more, hence the massive push this month. I'll show him what to get excited about, even though 12lbs also doesn't seem like enough.

How am I going to do this while I'm gone? Situps, yoga, pushups, step ups wherever I can, lots of walking.... and of course as much restricting as I can despite the fact that I will enjoy some food. I'm staying near two chinatowns, Rudy's and churros (sp?). I have to enjoy at some point, though if I plan things right I'll be able to skip most meals for water and tea.

Lots to do, must go sleep.

Wow.... what a day!!!!! Best Monday in a long time!!!!

I got up and did about 30 min of yoga. I jumped on the scale but I don't remember that number. Only remember 155.7lbs taken shortly after the yoga and being absolutly thrilled with it. I think I may have actually jumped for joy!!!

Hit the gym with only 10 minutes for the elliptical but joined 'S' right on time. I talked to him about how it burns while I'm actively using the muscle, or my arms go all wobbly, but I'm fine after. He said we'd change the routines up a bit so I feel more after as well as in my mind it's almost like I'm not doing anything. So we made it through the whole hour and I had a few of the wobbles. The hamstring curls were challenging as we changed it up but I'm still using my calves too much except he showed me a few exercises that will help. Shoulder bugging me, the right one, feels like it's the bone right in the joint so I'm not sure whats up with that.

At the end I reminded him about the measurements so we went to do that. I jumped on the damn scale and watched as he kept flipping the weights further and further down, saying 'oh, you've lost some weight. You've lost a lot of weight!!' I had to restrain from doing a jump of joy on the scale. He confirmed it. 10lbs since we started which isn't what I wanted, but it's still a decent number. (average of 2.5lbs/week) Now came the part that had me concerned, the body fat test. I held the damn things but I don't remember the numbers. One had a 26.something. He calculated it out and turned around saying that it was 10lbs of fat. Not 9lbs of fat 1lb of muscle. He then calculated it another way and got the same result. He said whatever I'm doing is working and it's working great so keep it up. He sounded very surprised and so was I. I was totally expecting to hear that he knew why I wasn't progressing as fast as I should be and needed to fix it. Nope, instead I've got the perfect result and the perfect reason to keep going. We took measurements, and there was no change in my thigh, neck or waist, but I lost I think 2" from my hips, 1/2" from my biceps, 1.5" from my chest (which he encouraged me not to be too upset about as he said too many women invest their self esteem in their boobs. Not me for sure!!! I hate them bouncing around! IT'S ALL FAT!!!!!) and gained a 1/2" on my calf.

Fuck ya!!!!

So here's the plan for Sept. I tried and failed to lose 3.8lbs/week in Aug, but if I want to drop 12lbs in the next 4 weeks until my next weigh in, that's 3lbs/week. I managed 2.5lbs/week in August, and if I control my binges better, go to the gym religiously, go out on the bike, go for runs, do yoga and the core training, I should have no problem dropping the fat. It just felt SSOOOOO good to see his expression as he cruched those numbers. Dropping these 12 will put me at 143, smack in the middle of his goal for 140 to 145 and close to my goal of 130 (for now...) and will land me in the 'healthy' BMI range.

So by Monday Sept 6th I need to be 152.7lbs. I will be in San Francisco so I'll have to use Sept 7ths number and be very very careful what I eat while I'm there.

Damn, this is awesome!!!!

Despite my ridiculous eating the past few days, this morning I still managed to hit 156.6lbs. I won't hit the 150.0 by tomorrow morning but I guess it's respectable.....

Friday was a bitch of a day. Miserable visit and I spent most of the day in a foul mood. It just wasn't good enough. I've not done what was necessary, and not followed up with those that I trusted to get this shit done. What will happen going forward? Probably nothing much will change as that's the way things go at work nowadays.

Saw my old boss on Thursday and she kept going on and on about how much weight I've lost. It's only been almost 20lbs since I last saw her and shouldn't be that noticable yet especially as there's so much flab still kicking around. How fat was I? I can't see much of a difference, (and neither did my family when I saw them last) but some people just keep going on and on about it. My other boss didn't notice, but he was too busy picking apart the store (and he's a guy, so probably doesn't even notice.)

Friday night we had a great night driving. Made a ton of money but also stuffed an entire small thin crust pizza down my throat. All I wanted to do when I got back here was puke but I couldn't go through with it.

Saturday it was back to the gym and at least on one exercise we went up a level. Well, several. I went from 12.5lbs to 20, completely skipping the two inbetween. However, on the others I'm failing, especially that stupid rotator cuff. He has suggested that I look into core training as well as yoga as my core is weak and causing my hips to shuffle when I try things. He also said it could have something to do with a previous spinal injury. Wonder if me bouncing my head off a wall in Feb could have done something.....

Tomorrow it's the one month anniversary of this gym thing and we're doing measurements etc again. Looking back, I was 165.2lbs that morning and hoping tomorrow I can be 156.2lbs. Then that's at least 9lbs. Not sure what his scale will say as I'm obviously clothed, but I've got lighter clothes for tomorrow as it's time I had pants I wasn't pulling up every ten seconds. 9lbs in 4 weeks isn't exactly the amount I was hoping for, more like 15lbs. I'm curious to see what the other numbers are. I can't remember my BMI but I think it was around 28, and now I'm just over 26. I have some questions for him too, mostly around why I seem to get all wobbly and shaky, but I don't really hurt. Even when I do at times, I'm fine the next day instead of really hurting. Am I really working that hard then? Am I actually building muscle or is it my stupid eating issues that are causing more problems.

I bought a book on yoga and core training, then bought a big ball and yoga mat. I had some fun this evening, especially with the yoga. I hope to wake up in the morning and do a few moves to get things going then hit the gym.

And I'm starting to dig the mowhawk......

I was 157.7lbs this morning. I've eaten enough to destroy any chance tomorrow of being lower, or even in the 157 range anymore. I've had 716 calories, and would have been better without the damn piece of pizza and now I feel horribly full. However, this could mean I get to hit the bathroom tomorrow.

Breakfast tomorrow. I've been thinking about this all week, and not in the 'mmmmm.... greasy breakfast' way anymore. It's the 'what can I order and managed not to eat' kind of way. Think I'm going to go with the wheat pancakes at 310 calories, and the egg whites scrambled for 50 calories. I'll take a couple of yoghurts in case I need them during the day but the plan is to survive off water and black tea. If we end up going for lunch I'll suggest East Side as I can get the soup for 90 calories. That in itself is far too much, but then come home, rinse all the crap out of my hair and hit the gym. 2 hours at the gym and hopefully I can burn all that shit off. Then I'm getting my hair done with enough time to do the report for the rewatch and post it, then hit the hay for the night. There's no eating plans and if I get desperate, there's always the left over 70 calories of soup.... Think Friday needs to be another liquid day.

Perhaps there's still hope to hit 155!!!

And Monday is still 6 days away!

161.1lbs this morning and after a day where I went until 2pm and only ate my salad as the systems weren't working and I was bored, and then went to a movie and stuffed my face with popcorn, I still managed to hit 157.6 when I got home!!! Now, that's not an official number until I hit that tomorrow, but if I, as usual, drop a half pound overnight, I should be 157.2 or so by morning, then take tomorrow as a very very light calorie day (no fair now so there won't be too much temptation in the evening) and I should be well into the 156's by Thursday. Then that damn breakfast and avoid lunch as much as possible with maybe some veggies for dinner (haven't had any this week so I probably should have some...) and then the gym after work. Hair being done after that, going to try a fauxhawk I think.... By Friday still in 156, then I've got Sat and Sun to drop another pound, maybe more.

Took today off from the gym, and tomorrow I'll just do some weights at home. Damn it felt good to see that number this evening. I'm excited that it's coming off right now and it's not that hard!! I'm disgusted that I used to eat over 2000 calories a day.

Why do I fuck everything up? I was fine! At least today. I fucked up yesterday and then again today. This isn't going to work if I keep doing this!!!

I went to a movie, fine. A movie shouldn't be a problem. I haven't seen this friend in ages so I figured I should go as I keep telling him we should hang out. So he called and I felt bad saying no. Figured if anything I could grab a water or diet coke and i'd be fine. One popcorn and a bag of maltesers later......

However, I still lost weight. This morning I was 188.6lbs. Finally. That's 3.6lbs away from 155 and a whole 7 days to do it in. Went to the gym and spent 90 min there. Didn't do much cardio, mostly weights but that will all help in the long run. At work I was fine. There was some excitement and I just had my tea, water and yoghurt. One of the guys bought me a protein booster juice which I drank only half (I need that protein and the potassium wouldn't hurt!). Then I made a fucking stupid comment about chocolate and before I knew it, one of the guys bought some chocolate and 2 hours later I'd eaten the entire bag.

I weighed myself again when I got home, 159.0 so hopefully my splurging won't hurt too much. Now when to get back to the gym. I was going to go on Weds, after piano, but now my other friend wants to hang out as I can't tomorrow. That's going to be all night and I bet there's food involved also. I'll have to go Thursday after work which will be a stupid long day. Friday, 2 jobs again, then Sat at the gym with 'S'.

No more fucking up. I've got soup and salad tomorrow for lunch at work, and some yoghurt. Nothing else. I'll skip dinner at the movie and then on Weds just have noodles or something for lunch and yoghurt with nothing else if I can. Thurs will be the breaky and possibly lunch with the boss and nothing else with a good 2hr workout, and Friday going light again but enough to keep me going for Sat.

I can do this, right?

I couldn't post yesterday. I thought about it, while that pizza sat on my footstool waiting to be eaten. I thought about it again while I was stuffing it in my mouth, and then again when I had to stop with 2 slices to go.

But damn it tasted good!!!

Yesterday wasn't so bad! Work went fine, then off to job numero deux and that was great!!! It was really busy and I made more than I have the last weekend total! Then I decided why not have a pizza? I mean, I wasn't going to eat anything today so why not have a delicious thin crust pizza covered in cheese and fresh tomatoes.

Some way, some how, I lost weight though. I hit 159.9lbs this morning and I'm hoping I'm finally past this issue with bobbing over 160.

Today I dozed on the couch for quite a while before dragging my ass to the gym. Did about 20 min on the treadmill (3min warm up, 6min run, 3 min walk, 7min run, then another cooldown) before doing about an hour of weights. Jumped on the elliptical for 30 min after that. Saw 'S' as he madly over exaggerated a wave from the lower floor. Overall about 2 bottles of water and hopefully around 550 calories burned off. For intake, I've had tea, water, one of those 10cal vitamin drinks, a little bit of diet pepsi, and 3 bites of mac 'n' cheese. I could have done fine without the mac but it looked soo good. With the chicken noodle soup, i've probably had less than 300 cals.

Did the measurement thing again today. Last time was July 10th and I can't remember how accurate I was. I havent' lost much unfortunatly. About a quarter inch on my upper arms, a few inches below my bust and a bit on my hips and thighs. I'm annoyed at these shows that have chicks losing inches in 2 weeks. Why couldn't I lose that in 5 weeks?

I want to do the measurement thing a week from Monday as it will be a month since I started at the gym, and I want to see how much I've 'officially' gone down. I was 165lbs (their scale had me at 169 but that was fully clothed, minus shoes and I'd probably ate a ton the night before expecting to die the next day) and I was wanting to be 150. 10lbs in 9 days is a little beyond my ability I think, but 155 should be good. That's 10lbs lost in a month (yeah, not what I was hoping for).

155.... I was 180 last time I saw Green Day. 2 weeks from today I will be seeing them again, this time 25lbs lighter.

Tomorrow is hopefully going to be a busy day. I want to go to the gym but it depends on how I feel. I need to go and do weights on Monday and weds and maybe thurs then take friday off before Saturday's training session. I don't want to go too crazy tomorrow and die on Monday. I'll have to see how I feel in the morning.... I need to go get some more hair stuff, a new shirt for San Francisco (for when I get the tattoo), I'd like to go to the library get some stuff to research, get some pants or shirt for the gym and check out the outdoor sports place for cool clothing. Plus I've really got to deal with those maps, and start getting my list ready for packing. I've also promised myself one of those shakes/juice things tomorrow if I keep up the liquid only. I may even stretch it to Monday as one of the guys promised me a booster juice on Monday. Soup and juice for another day can't hurt!!!

160.3lbs this morning.

Work was fine. I spent most of the day looking forward to being out of there. The meeting sucked as usual. My review ran long as my call ran long, then the meeting began late... the office got hot and smelly. I ran out of there just after 5pm.

Started the warmup on the treadmill. I was suprised how well I did yesterday and today I began running at 3 min in, and stopped around 10min. Cooled down and headed downstairs. Arms, legs and abs today. I told him about the fucked up knee thing that happened last time I did the leg curl ones but it didn't repeat itself today (thank goodness!!!!). Doing the stupid bicep curls, I leaned down to get a drink while he went to get the next weight and I felt my stomach go a little nuts. I almost puked. Why? Not a clue. I ate a rice cake about 2 hours before, maybe more, and the veggies and soup were hours before that. Too much water? It wasn't pleasant but he didn't notice and things carried on. We talked about long distance biking, the Jasper/Banff highway etc. That was cool. Not sure if I've gone up more weights since starting.

I couldn't get an appt on Monday as usual and he's gone for most of next week so my next spot isn't until Saturday, then on Monday again. That will be my last one until after San Francisco, and it's also the one month one. Don't know if we'll do the weighing etc but I almost want to; I'm curious.

My goal was 150lbs by the 30th. That's 11 days. 1lb/day is too much I think. If I stick to my plan and have a lunch tomorrow, then only liquids for the rest of Friday, Saturday and Sunday until dinner, can I knock off 5lbs by Monday morning? I'm thinking I try for 157 for Monday morning and if I get lower, then perfect.

Stupid numbers. Always in my head. They don't leave me alone anymore.

So going a little crazy last night didn't affect too much this morning. 159.8lbs, a bit higher, but not over 160. Today I was doing so well until 'J' went to Arby's so I asked her to grab me some Jalapeno poppers. Damn those things are awesome. I only ate 3, and 2 of them I squished some cheese out of them. I wanted the jalapeno for the metabolism booster. Will it work? Who knows.

I'm at 800 cals today. Went to the gym and did 10min on the elliptical then 30 min on the treadmill, combo walking and running combo. According to the machines I was about 300 cals burned off and the running really got my heart rate up and got me all sweaty. I feel the elliptical in my calves and thighs more, running is more just overall cardio. I burn less calories on the treadmill/half hour than on the elliptical but I don't know how accurate that is.

After is when I ate lots. After last sessions sad performance where my muscles had 3 instances of giving up, I started with some beef soup at 50cals, then a salmon fillet at 140cals and some steamed veggies with sauce at approx 60 cals. I have to switch back to the other salmon as it's a smaller portion size, doesn't have the sauce, and is about 90cals. I just can't waste what I've got left.

Tomorrow I've got the rest of the beef soup and veggies for lunch, with a yoghurt, rice cake and apples. That's less than 300 with the tea. Workout at 530 with cardio, at least 200 cals, do the hour session, at least another 100 cals, then another half hour cardio, about 150cals. I can have the potato and veggie soup then go light on teh food on friday so I can go without food for Friday evening, all saturday and until dinner on Sunday.

Do I even have a goal for this week?

I want to be 155. If I'm 158.5 or lower it's doable!!!!

159.5 again this morning.

Went well today except for the insane craving for pizza, then when I finally headed over to 'S's she didn'thave time for dinner so stupid me suggested a burger. So off we went and the 300 calories I'd eaten all day were quickly overshadowed by a cheeseburger, onion rings and a 600 calorie blizzard.

Fuck

159.5lbs this morning!!!! Hell ya!!!!

Now may I never write 16? again. Ever.

Today was fun at the gym. We talked, more bullshitted our way through the hour, enough that we ran over. My poor legs gave out on the leg press, and my triceps had enough with the second exercise. I was just so tired. I don't know why though, but he did joke about me not having enough sleep. I slept fine though, and I certainly ate enough! Perhaps Saturday was too much? Or I need to do way more during the week. Especially for my rotator cuffs.

He also suggested yoga as a way to get more in tune with my body so I may look at that at the gym too. I only saw an intermediate class so I'll find out if I can do that one.

At work I went a little nuts and gave into some cravings. I ate so much maltesers and skittles. My poor body couldn't handle the sugar. I had a headache, I felt sick, I started shaking, couldn't concentrate. It was horrible. I'm hoping I'm less than 1000cals for the day, and when I jumped on my scale tonight I was 160.5, so hopefully that will come off overnight.

Just thinking about it now, I'm less than 20lbs off the goal for the gym. Obviously I want to get lower, but this is what I told 'S' that I wanted to be by January. 20lbs in 4 months really won't be a problem. I mean, I've done 30lbs in 3 months and there's 2 vacations where I went nuts eating.

I'm watching a documentary about a man who is taking a group of residents in a Native community back to their 'original' diet of meat and veggies with no starch or sugars. It's kinda interesting as I've learned a lot about sugars, both natural and artificial.

Thinking of which, dinner at 'S's tomorrow.... Wonder what they'll have? Will I panic? Will I eat it all and just shovel it in? I need to go very light on food all day in case. Take a salad, tea, yoghurt and some veggies to munch on. If I can do less than 200 cals during the day, I can manage 500 or 600 at her house unless I can get away with less. Plus I'll do some weights tomorrow at home to force it.

I'm not going to hit 158 tomorrow, but a 159.0 would be nice!!!!

Will this be the last time I blog anything in the 160's again? I hope so!!! I was 160.2lbs this morning (Finally!!!!) and hopefully I'll get 159.? tomorrow.

I'm not making my goal to be 157 tomorrow morning, but I've still got 3 weeks. That's 3 weeks to hit 150 for San Francisco. 3lbs/week? Gonna take some work and some restraint (like no going nuts like I did today!!!)

I've got dinner with 'S' on Tuesday now, so I hope that I can eat what they make.

Gym tomorrow and then work (boourns) but hoepfully I can eat way less. Take a salad and the soup, and come in at way less than 500 cals, considering I probably hit 1000cals today. Tues, go as long as possible without, and eat a salad as late as possible, then dinner. Gym again on Weds or Thurs....

I obsess. When I shop I walk all the aisles and check out the nutritional information on everything. I think of how good each item will taste, then think of how much I could eat instead, or how long I'd have to not eat if I splurged.

I've got to go see the travel agent tomorrow. The one hotel isn't in the right city, the other one is so dumpy and so full of bad reviews that I'm a little scared.

Shopping at the mall. Grabbed a few new shirts, but tons of stuff didn't quite fit properly. Had some protein shake that tasted a little too chocolate syrupy but only was about 150 cals (I only had half). Bought some sheets on 50% off and they seem so soft. Can't wait to go to bed!!!!

Something is horribly wrong with my laptop. It won't start up, get to windows... I'm a bit freaked out as I haven't updated my backup since before I went to England. I've got a Micro SD card with the concert on it still, but none of the others.

So I'm on the stupid netbook that I can't type on properly.

162.3lbs this morning, not cool. Went to fast and instead I ate 4 candies, one breadstick, a ten calorie soup, then about 100 cals of more soup, 2 rice cakes and a bunch of chips and salsa. I'm hopefully under 300 cals but not low enough.

Gotta hit the gym tomorrow, hoping to put in about 2 hours. Then get the damn computer looked at!!! I hope the hard drive didn't crash coz that would really really really suck.

Goal is not reachable. No way I can lose 5lbs in the next 2.5 days. I just want to see under 160 at this point...

Tired, cranky and this damn keyboard isn't helping issues.

Holy fuck is my laptop slow tonight. I can hear it thinking away, and it has been for the past hour, but I can't find what's desperatly trying to run. It's slowing EVERYTHING down.

I wasn't very sore at all today. A little in the upper arms if I stretched, and I felt a twinge in my legs but that was over quickly. 161.4lbs this morning, not the 160.8 that I needed. If I'm on track I need to be close to 159.7 and considering what I ate today that's not going to happen. I'm just hoping to be under 162 (I was 162.9 when I got home this evening....)

Today was interesting.... 'G' showed up with the treats and promptly began to have a hissy fit as he spilt some coffee and some donuts were spoiled. I splurged and had 2 timbits with my tea, and a yoghurt with my vitamin. And I went from there....

Audit lady showed up shortly after open, almost killing me. I went for the candy as a coping method and ate my fair share. Then, when giving the good results to the team, I stopped in the lunch room and ate a sandwich with processed cheese, mayo, mustard, meat etc. Then ate chips, cookies (at 80cal/cookie... I had about 5 or 6), more chips and to top things off, just a few more chips.

We got some amazing storms later on, it absolutly pissed down. I got caught in the second one and it soaked through my hoodie in seconds. By the time I got to the store I was drenched and cold. My shoes and hoodie still haven't dried!!! The rain was intense, but not too much lightning or thunder.

I thought about hitting the gym later but I had a headache from the amount of sugar and hadn't had enough water (about 1/4 of the amount I'm supposed to) and I may try tomorrow depending on what time I finish driving. Saturday is a must, and if I go Sunday I'll just do cardio. Instead I just did 4 of the basic weight exercises for the arms. If I can get some of those in every day I will hopefully progress much faster with 'S' and strenghten some of the muscles that are stupidly week.

I've hit plateaus before, generally for 3 days. I'll do my best to fast tomorrow and it should kick start things especially as I've eaten too much lately.

Here's hoping.....

161.9lbs this morning. I need to be 157.6lbs by Monday morning. That's 4.3lbs in 4 days for an average of 1.1lbs/day. That's a pretty big number!!! So tomorrow I need to be 160.8lbs.

I ate too much today. We had a work meeting at 'K's house and they all ordered lunch. I went with the spinach salad which was 430 cals (but 21g protein compared to the ceasar which was 400 cals but only 10g protein... About equal fat as the ceasar had cheese, croutons and sauce, while the spinach was egg, bacon bits and feta cheese.) and it came with a piece of garlic toast (sooo yummy). I also had a yoghurt in the morning, a rice cake, and then once I finished at the gym, 3 bites of the desert I've made, and another rice cake... there may have been some chips and salsa involved also. I just wanted to eat.

I'm worried about tomorrow as there's going to be soooo much yummy good stuff available. I'm taking my water, tea and a yoghurt for breakfast, and a rice cake to snack on. I will allow myself a timbit for a treat (chocolate or the yummy strawberry ones) but I can't go crazy. It's a 12hr shift so maybe I do need to take a salad or something.... I need to be less than 400 tomorrow. Then friday the same. Saturday I should go only liquids and hit the gym, with Sunday being an only liquid day too. That should help with the last 4 lbs.... Should I attempt a 48hr liquid diet? How long can I carry it as I do have to go to the gym on Monday morning again. Maybe I should start friday and let myself eat on Sunday night?

We'll see what the numbers do in the morning.

On the thought of the gym.... I'm really enjoying working with 'S'. He makes me laugh (too much at times as I can't hold the weights or my concentration.). My body seems to confuse him, especially the flexibility in my arms (why? Not a clue. I've always had tons of flexibility there, but I could use a bit more in my legs to do stupid things like touch my damn toes) and apparently I have super weak rotator cuffs which makes my shoulders pop and crackle constantly.

I'm trying to get in 20min of cardio on the elliptical before, 1 hr with 'S', then another 15 or so min on the elliptical after. Today the elliptical alone was 450cal, the weights, maybe another 100.

Gotta go sleep, so tired, and got a looooong day tomorrow :(

Yesterday went great... then I worked....

I got up and downed a bunch of water before heading to the gym. Only got about 10 min of the bike in first to warm up, and then an entire hour on arms. I'm grossed out watching my flab on my arms flop around. Even more so when my wonderful trainer had to grab said flab in order to check I was using my triceps. More cardio afterards.

I then proceeded to only have water, tea and a 100cal soup. I felt fine!!! Don't even remember a growl at any point during the day. This morning it was almost a shame to eat, but if I didn't today I won't have energy for tomorrow.

That scale was glorious today. 161.4. My new lw. I then proceeded to celebrate by eating about 1000 calories. I was fine until I got home when I ate about 4 rice cakes, a bunch of salsa and chips, veggies, and then several spoonfulls of the desert I made for work on Thursday. It's sooo goooooood. It's creme cheese, whipped cream, vanilla pudding, and angel food cake all mixed together in creamy deliciousness. As a diversion I made some low sugar jello and ate almost half of that too.

I feel fatter than ever.

I'm terrified what the scales will say in the morning.

I don't want to eat tomorrow.

What have I done?

I was 161.7 on Friday morning. That was only .4 over my goal for this week, and I had got there 3 days early!!! Then I went away for a day and a half.

I didn't eat breakfast, downed a tea and water on the drive there. We started shopping at 10am and by 1:30 we were at the mall and my friend is hinting at lunch. I wasn't hungry, but I bought something anyways. Rice, veggies and blackened chicken which was pleasantly spicy. I ate the 2 bits of broccoli, a few mouthfulls of chicken and half of the rice and felt like my stomach was going to explode. My friend made several comments about how little I ate, but I managed to brush it off.

I had a blast shopping. I spent so much money (not sure how much as I fucked up my pin trying to find out at the bank machine the next day, so it's locked my mastercard until I head into the bank tomorrow.) but got what I wanted. I bought a pack, new waterbottle and coffee mug, and a fleece sweater at the first stop. Then at the mall I walked out with: 2 pairs of jeans (at least a size smaller than what I was wearing!!!) 2 pairs of converse shoes, a bunch of little hand cremes, sanitizers etc, some shirts (in a medium!!!), belts and more.

That done, we headed back to her place, long enough for me to change and then we went out for dinner. Ugh, more food. I ate the bread starter (mostly coz it's a huge weekness!!!) and had the salmon for dinner. I ate one of the salmon fillets, 3/4 of the rice, and all the broccoli. Then I ate even more by having half a smartie blizzard for desert.

I went to bed desperatly thinking of what I could say to beg off food for the next day and food poisoning was the only thing I could think of. However, morning arose and I didn't do it. Instead I sat and ate the 200 cal blueberry scone with the margarine and to top things off, my friend bought lunch after church and I downed a fish sandwich and half the fries. It just looked so good.

I'm now a wonderful 164.3lbs.

I haven't eaten since lunch. Water and tea only. I'm waiting for that call to the bathroom and hopefully it happens tomorrow before gym time.

I can only hope that most of it will be gone tomorrow. I'm not going to hit my goal tomorrow, but considering I almost got there earlier, I can probably still stay on track for the next goal. I'm supposed to be 157.6lbs by next Monday, that's 6.7lbs away. That's more than my old goal of 5lbs per week..... but I'll have to see what the scale looks like in the morning.

Tattoo: Not sure I want to get it where I thought, and the design might not be right. I'll think on it and email her to find out if it's cool if I change.

Looking forward to hitting the gym tomorrow and the plan is to eat nothing till Tuesday morning (except maybe a yoghurt before the gym in case I need that extra calories...)

This morning I was 163.0lbs. Not the hoped for 162.? but it didn't go up. However, to reach my goal on Monday I have to lose 1.6lbs over the weekend to clock in on Monday morning, and I'm not home all weekend. I'll be with my friend, her two kids and her parents who love to cook, and her sister who is a trained chef. I'm hoping at this point to maintain!!!

I went to the gym after work today (skipping out of work a bit early to get rid of the makeup, change and get there for a bit of cardio beforehand) but something had happened with the scheduling at the gym. I wasn't booked for today!!! I was disappointed, but sore enough to be ok with it. I've rebooked for Monday and will probably go for Thursday after work also. Gives me enough time to recover if I continue to be as sore.

I mean, I got off that eliptical on Weds night not thinking it was too bad, could barely walk at the end of yesterday, and am still having issues sitting today. I've stretched lots and think it's helping.

Today I did 25 min or so on the eliptical, with 10 min on the bike. I think I'm around 250 to 300 cals for burning off and am under 300 cals in. I had 2 yoghurts (the 35cal/yoghurt ones), lots of tea, almost 2L of water, and the tuna salad thing at 120 cals that I forced down assuming I'd be needing the protein for the gym.

It's not exactly a liquid only fast, but if I go from noon today until noon tomorrow with only liquids or yoghurt, that will have to be good enough. Depending on how much I eat over the weekend, I may have to do it again on Monday, assuming I have enough energy banked for the gym.

I can feel it starting to take me over..... After driving I got a whif of a cheese pizza and desperatly wanted a piece. I thought about ordering a small thin crust. Just a piece or few wouldn't hurt right? I walked out to my car trying to talk myself in and out of this damn pizza. Tea for dinner eventually won me over, but just having that debate was kinda fucked up. It's not the first time, but it did make me stop and think.

Here's to hoping it's all worth it and I manage to take a chunk out of the 1.6lbs left....

I HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even sit without pain!!! I was completely fine this morning when I woke up, but as the work day went along my legs started to hurt, then my arms. Damn this. I've got to go to the gym tomorrow and work hard. No fun if I hurt this bad!!!!

But I did eat salmon and a ton of steamed veggies for dinner (still under 600 cals for the day though!!!)

Work sucked. That big visit I was hoping to go so well, didn't. I basically got told that he's new in his role, we need to help. Basically shut up and deal. My concerns weren't important, and could be easily brushed off. However, I didn't cry which is a bonus as I've turned into the one who cries at everything.

Well fuck 'em all. I'll do my damn job, and I'll be one of the best. They'll have to move me up and I'll get out of this place.

Tired. Sore. 163.4lbs this morning (only 2.2lbs to go before Monday!!! CAN I DO IT????)

Not down much more from yesterday.

Another 'meh' day at work. With 'G' knowing about the visit it's all sweeties and sunshine right now. I talked to the D boss today and he said that it's new promotion syndrome and we need to tell 'G' how he's acting so he can correct it. I hate it when they say things like 'I know you, I know that you're brutally honest. I know....' blah blah blah. Yeah, I get it. You don't see a problem. Fine, I'll do what I can to 'talk' to 'G' and get this problem back under wraps. If I'm miserable, then so be it. The sooner I can get out of here the better and if I have to do nothing but keep my mouth shut then that's the way it will be.

After work was another thing entirely!!! Piano was early today, but good. He says he's seeing improvement (which is good as apparently the moment I sit at the piano I fuck up every other note, while at home I can get through the first few barres, repeat, without a mistake....). I've got to catch up on minor scales, get the last 2 of the first 6 major scales, and finishing the first page of For Elise. Sounds good to me!!!! He say's he'll have Bohemian Rhapsody by next week, and I may look up the piano version of 21 Guns (so pretty!!!!) or Viva La Gloria ( I can't find the upside down ! for that)

The gym was cool. Actually got to work out today. Started with some basics as he says he needs to see how my body works. Things like touching my toes, stretching out my hamstrings, and some other basic stretching. Squats were tough, mostly as my speed skating background has drilled a different stance into my head and I can't get my body to do anything else. Plus it was hard on the legs without any weights!!! Damn, I'm horribly out of shape. During the squats with a bar, I stopped at one point coz I was getting dizzy. I'm going to have to eat something more before the gym, more tuna or something. (I'd probably barely hit 150 cals before heading there). It was wierd a bit though too. I don't know how old he is, but I'm guessing he's only a few years older than I. He's got no problem getting into my bubble, and for a very strange reason, I'm not having an issue with it. Normally I jump, twitch, or be really wary but I didn't even flinch when he jabbed me in the side to point out the muscle I was supposed to be working. It's a good thing!!! It's just weird.... Once we were done I headed upstairs to the womens area and did some cardio. Started with 10 min on the Elliptical, unsure of how I would feel, but then continued with another 10 min, plus 2 min of cooldown on each. Did 15 min on one of those stupid bikes plus a 3 min cooldown. It was 133 cal burned for the second go on the Elliptical, and 90 on the bike (boourns bike!!!!) so I'm going to estimate that cardio alone was 350 cals. Add in the light weights, maybe 400 cals?

So today.... I've eaten about 500 cals (and that may be slightly overestimated), so puts me over 100 cals total.

As long as the BF % on the scale stops going up as my weight continues to drop.....

It's taken 3 months but I'm down 25lbs. As of this morning I am 164.7lbs!! I'm now down to the weight I was when I dated 'S' almost 3 years ago!

I've lost 10lbs since the beginning of July, but in those 4 weeks, one was completly fucked up by overeating to the extreme while camping. This month, with the exception of two days this weekend, there is no excuse for overeating. I should AT LEAST drop 10lbs, especially as I'm going to be going to the gym and am watching what I eat far more than I was last month.

This time next month I'll be in San Francisco!!! I'll be able to eat as much or as little as I want (though I do require one meal at Rudy's.... Haven't decided which meal yet but they have veggie options).

Contacted a chick about getting a tattoo while I'm there. Sent her the pic and waiting for her response. It's going to be costly (at least $175 US) and it's gonnas hurt. Right on my ribs, but I want it there. I also need to lose the weight and work hard at the gym so I can lose the flab around there otherwise I can't show it off!!!

I'm trying to think when I can do another liquid fast this week. Got work visitors on Thurs so I'm not sure that's a good option, and I drive Friday night and that might be far too much temptaion. With the weekend out of town I won't be able to do it..... Maybe Thurs and Fri?

Today I ate a lot! I think around 800 cals, with dinner being a 190cal tuna/bean/corn thing. It's got tons of protein which I'll need for tomorrow, and then a Lean Cuisine Raviolli at 260cals. I also went to Safeway (stupid me forgetting for the second month in a row NOT TO GO ON the first tues of the month!!! It was NUTS in there!!!) and bought frozen broccoli, corn/pea/bean mix, broccoli/carrot/cauliflower mix, and peas. I also bought celery and carrots to help replace fruit. I should be able to have a decent bowl of veggies each night and get the nutrition, and fiber I need without the sugar from fruit.

I'm excited for tomorrow!!!!!

First day at the gym and I burned exactly 0 calories... Yup, that's a huge number!!!!

It wasn't so bad. I met the guy I'm paying to train me for 12 1hr sessions. He seems really cool. We talked about where I used to be (back when I was 16 and able to cycle my way up anything) and where I want to be. I had to jump on the scales (!!!!!) and while I was 165.2 this morning (fuck ya!!!) their scale clocked me in at 169 minus runners. He then had me hold the fat calculator thing and figured out my 'lean mass'. I'm 31% fat, making it about 50lbs of fat I'm carrying with me. He figures that I should get down to 145-140lbs and anything lower wouldn't be very healthy. We then went over what I eat in a day. I told him I ate between 1500 and 2000 calories and have oatmeal, fruit, salads, salmon or chicken, veggies etc for my meals. I even threw in a nutrigrain to pad the numbers a bit more. Well, he said I'm doing ok, but to lose the fruit. It's sugar and needs to be cut back. Unfortunate as it's low in calories :( However he said to add more veggies. I can probably do that by substituting a fruit for some carrots. Saves me having to buy strawberries this week.

I asked about the weighing and measuring and he said not to do it more than once a month, and to do it the same time every month (especially as I'm a woman....). That kinda freaked me out more than the questions about food.

My first real gym hour will be on Weds and apparently we're only going twice a week for 2 weeks as I'll be too tired to go for more. Sounds good!!! Means I'll be burning lots!!!! Then we go to 3 times a week, and stay there until my body gets used to it. Hopefully I'll get to the 3 times a week, end the personal training, and then come by more frequently to just do some cardio the other 2 or 3 times a week.

This morning I was number crunching. If I want to be 150 by the time I go to San Francisco, thats 15.2lbs to lose in right on a month, and works out to 3.8lbs/week. That's do-able right? This I calculate it on Monday mornings, and for August 9th I would need to be 161.4lbs. With the restriciting and the one gym day I will have (except I will be heading to the city for the weekend so that better not let me go over!!!) I should be able to hit that number.

Well, this is an early post so I've got to get ready for work.....

Lower than yesterday, but not good enough. Not low enough. Not enough weight lost. I'm also concerned as my stupid scale keeps telling me that my body fat percentage keeps going up and down.

I decided I'm going to enter that photo contest. It's just taking a pic of yourself and a local landmark wearing something band related, and send it in to win some tickets. Any ticket has to be better than my tickets.

However, when I saw those pics it threw me a bit. Can you see any of the weight I've lost? Nope, not a damn ounce.

So once that ordeal was over I went straight to a gym and signed up, losing a chuck of money in the process. Doing the application they were asking all sorts of questions: How dedicated was I? How much weight did I want to lose? What are my eating habits? How often do I eat? I managed to waffle my way through the last two, stating it takes me all day to eat my lunch (which is true... I just don't even start until well after noon.) Anyways, I've got my first training session tomorrow.

That led to me jumping off the fast. I had to eat something as I don't know how things are going to go tomorrow. If I waited till tomorrow morning I'll get sick and I couldn't risk going there on a completely empty stomach and not having a clue what I was going to be going.

I've had about 450cals today, maybe a bit more (500????) so I doubt I'll be much lower tomorrow morning. On a better note, tuesday morning should be good if I have a good workout tomorrow!!!!