Tomorrow is a new month. February has sucked. Today was no exception. An audit, another binge and no gym again. I worked 13 hours, and started it all an hour in by hitting Walmart that shares the parking lot to eat mini donuts, a box of Glosette raisins, and a pack of gummy bears.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Snowed like an SOB today. It was a glorious -3C this weekend. -24C today, and by morning -35C. Thanks Mother Nature. Just was I was starting to get excited about spring.
But tomorrow is a new month, a new store and a chance to begin agian. I can go to work tomorrow, skip the sugar binges, eat my lunch, go to the gym, work out, hit the store and pick up celery and prunes, maybe a small treat, and come home to starve or have veggies.
I was 147.2 this morning, I'm hoping for 146.5 by morning but I'm not sure I can hit that. It's Monday, giving me 5 days to drop at least 5lbs. If I stick to being smart I can get down there.
I will posts March's goals tomorrow, but I've got ideas. Enough of this bull shit. Winter is almost over (I hope) it's time to get serious again!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Bye Bye Weekend
And what a glorious weekend you were. Yes, I gained a MASSIVE amount of weight, and I failed at my attempt to do GMO free for six weeks, but I got to go out with friends (despite there's now video evidence of me singing 'Wannabe'. Yup, fauxhawk and all....) make a new friend, sleep late twice in a row, watch movies, eat pizza, cake, bread and have a diet Dr. Pepper.
Today I didn't quite do my fast. I ate two pieces of toast from the bread I made on Saturday. I'm not sure about that bread as it wasn't quite sweet enough to be a desert bread, and not quite plain enough to be a dinner bread. Don't think I'll be making that one again. I then managed nothing until I was halfway through my drive north and I ate a bunch of gummy candy. Once up here I had a tiny cinnamon bun my friend made and I didn't have the heart to say no. She was just so eager to feed me one now I"m off my GMO free kick. I did end up eating a handful of plain cheerios, and 2 hershey kisses also, but while I was 149.6lbs this morning (EGAD!!!!) I'm 147.7 right now as I drink my reduced sugar hot chocolate.
Tomorrow is the last day at the store I've been at all month and I'm really quite sad to leave. I loved the GM, and the other members of the mgmt team were just as awesome. However, I'm excited to work with my new GM, a chick too!!!! We'll kick some ass and take some names!
I'm on an earlier shift so I will have plenty of time to hit the gym. Hoping I can do a leg day. Zumba is at 6 I believe, so do legs after and be home by 830 or so, or legs before and head out at 7pm.... See how things go down in reality!
I have to hit a grocery store though. I need celery, hot chocolate and something else I forgot.... If I have enough money. I'm kinda super broke this week.
Ugh, I hate early mornings, and tomorrow I have to be up by 5:45am. That's in 6 hrs.
Bah.
Wander: Thank you. You are so right. Cheat days are allowed and I can and will get back on track. You are doing fantastic and while we've both done the stupid binge cycle the past few months you've cracked it. I will now do the same :)
Today I didn't quite do my fast. I ate two pieces of toast from the bread I made on Saturday. I'm not sure about that bread as it wasn't quite sweet enough to be a desert bread, and not quite plain enough to be a dinner bread. Don't think I'll be making that one again. I then managed nothing until I was halfway through my drive north and I ate a bunch of gummy candy. Once up here I had a tiny cinnamon bun my friend made and I didn't have the heart to say no. She was just so eager to feed me one now I"m off my GMO free kick. I did end up eating a handful of plain cheerios, and 2 hershey kisses also, but while I was 149.6lbs this morning (EGAD!!!!) I'm 147.7 right now as I drink my reduced sugar hot chocolate.
Tomorrow is the last day at the store I've been at all month and I'm really quite sad to leave. I loved the GM, and the other members of the mgmt team were just as awesome. However, I'm excited to work with my new GM, a chick too!!!! We'll kick some ass and take some names!
I'm on an earlier shift so I will have plenty of time to hit the gym. Hoping I can do a leg day. Zumba is at 6 I believe, so do legs after and be home by 830 or so, or legs before and head out at 7pm.... See how things go down in reality!
I have to hit a grocery store though. I need celery, hot chocolate and something else I forgot.... If I have enough money. I'm kinda super broke this week.
Ugh, I hate early mornings, and tomorrow I have to be up by 5:45am. That's in 6 hrs.
Bah.
Wander: Thank you. You are so right. Cheat days are allowed and I can and will get back on track. You are doing fantastic and while we've both done the stupid binge cycle the past few months you've cracked it. I will now do the same :)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Day Off
I'm taking a day off. I know what my weight is but I'm not posting it. I know what I was supposed to eat, but I'm not doing that. I know I was planning on going to the gym, but fuck it, I'm taking today off.
Some of that has to do with the fact I woke up feeling a tiny bit short of breath. I'm hoping that this cold doesn't go to my chest as I'm well and truly fucked for the gym this week if it does. I'm not coughing, just feeling short of breath. Honey and lemon with hot water, vitamins, tea and maybe some Dayquil. As much as I hate to, maybe it will be just enough to get rid of the cold heading to my chest.
That's it for that. I made sugar cookies, and ate a ton. I'm making bread right now, and as soon as it's cooled I'm having a few slices. Yummy!!!! I drive tonight and I'm eating pizza. Double yummy!!! I haven't had CHEESE in so long!!!! I'm going to have diet soda, and depending on how much I make tonight, maybe go have a piece of chocolate cake or something sweet and baked delicious badness.
It's my day off. I want to enjoy it guilt free. I'll let the guilt drive me tomorrow.
Some of that has to do with the fact I woke up feeling a tiny bit short of breath. I'm hoping that this cold doesn't go to my chest as I'm well and truly fucked for the gym this week if it does. I'm not coughing, just feeling short of breath. Honey and lemon with hot water, vitamins, tea and maybe some Dayquil. As much as I hate to, maybe it will be just enough to get rid of the cold heading to my chest.
That's it for that. I made sugar cookies, and ate a ton. I'm making bread right now, and as soon as it's cooled I'm having a few slices. Yummy!!!! I drive tonight and I'm eating pizza. Double yummy!!! I haven't had CHEESE in so long!!!! I'm going to have diet soda, and depending on how much I make tonight, maybe go have a piece of chocolate cake or something sweet and baked delicious badness.
It's my day off. I want to enjoy it guilt free. I'll let the guilt drive me tomorrow.
Cracked
I cracked today. Tonight more like it. I went out with friends after hitting the gym and ended up with a diet Coke, then 2 shots of sour puss and helped them finish off the nachos. Figuring I was already fucking up my GMO free diet, when driving my friend home we hit Burger King and I had a burger, poutine and pop, then hit a donut place after where I proceded to shove 3 donuts in my mouth.
So fucking good.
I'm 148.1lbs. I was 144.8lbs.
I managed 30something days before cracking. But I had a fantastic time at karaoke tonight.
I'm going to bake bread in the morning and stay away from chocolate and junk. I've satisfied a massive craving I've had for ages so I should be able to focus for the last 7 days until my weigh in. By now I just want to be 142 or less.
Hitting the gym tomorrow around noon or 1pm. Do a long day, have a leg day. Eat oatmeal and fresh bread for breakfast, salad for lunch. Drive in the evening, starve for dinner.
I'm not thin yet. I need to get working again.
So fucking good.
I'm 148.1lbs. I was 144.8lbs.
I managed 30something days before cracking. But I had a fantastic time at karaoke tonight.
I'm going to bake bread in the morning and stay away from chocolate and junk. I've satisfied a massive craving I've had for ages so I should be able to focus for the last 7 days until my weigh in. By now I just want to be 142 or less.
Hitting the gym tomorrow around noon or 1pm. Do a long day, have a leg day. Eat oatmeal and fresh bread for breakfast, salad for lunch. Drive in the evening, starve for dinner.
I'm not thin yet. I need to get working again.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Another Shorty
Tired again. Ate too much again. No gym today as my knees and shoulders hurt too much and not in the good 'you worked the muscles hard yesterday' kind of way. More like the 'you didn't have knees lined up properly during the weighted squats yesterday' way.
I ate so much chocolate. Then I had a craving for bread. I ate 4 rolls, a brownie, a chocolate bar... and I think I still will weigh the same if not less tomorrow than I did this morning, which is good considering how much I weigh. 145.9 right now, but I was 145.2 this morning.
Tomorrow is home day :) It's also try to hit the gym day, skip out of work early day, and go with my friends who will be drinking to kareoke day. I said I'd go. I can't eat or drink thanks to the GMO free diet, so I'll probably be bored and tired. I'll also probably end up driving everyones drunk ass home.
I felt like shit this morning but as the day progresses I feel better. I had honey and lemon for a pre bed drink and I'll probably have another before work tomorrow, maybe more at work. My nose is running lots but I don't consider it a cold yet. Just a minor case of the sniffles. If I'm still able to tomorrow I'll hit the gym, skip the 6k run and do light cardio and arms, with legs on Saturday. Weights are easier with a potential cold than running so much.
Food day tomorrow will be heavier in the morning and light in the evening. I don't have any oatmeal besides the horrible plain stuff so I may have the last of the bread for breakfast, just warm it up a bit. Honey and lemon while I get ready, and tea once I'm at work. The usual salad, apple, celery and yogurt for work, with apple or rice cake and tea or coffee for the drive home (probably tea). Hit the gym and a Luna bar with some of the protein smoothie post workout then out with the girls. Saturday will probably be a very light food day, almost like a fast/cleanse day, with Sunday picking up on the veggies again.
I have 7 days to get to 140. I know I can do it, maybe get even lower. NO MORE FUCKING CHOCOLATE. I need to STARVE again. I enjoyed the feeling of being empty last week. I need that again.
I've decided that once I hit 135 I'm going to try to find and buy one of those awesome workout shirts without the back for Zumba. They look awesome and are kinda flowing and not skin tight. I think a black one would look good on me.
I've also decided to shave my head. Not like bic it, just a buzz.... I'm also very excited that Shaun has offered to do it for me :) Tim is jealous lol! Asshole.
I ate so much chocolate. Then I had a craving for bread. I ate 4 rolls, a brownie, a chocolate bar... and I think I still will weigh the same if not less tomorrow than I did this morning, which is good considering how much I weigh. 145.9 right now, but I was 145.2 this morning.
Tomorrow is home day :) It's also try to hit the gym day, skip out of work early day, and go with my friends who will be drinking to kareoke day. I said I'd go. I can't eat or drink thanks to the GMO free diet, so I'll probably be bored and tired. I'll also probably end up driving everyones drunk ass home.
I felt like shit this morning but as the day progresses I feel better. I had honey and lemon for a pre bed drink and I'll probably have another before work tomorrow, maybe more at work. My nose is running lots but I don't consider it a cold yet. Just a minor case of the sniffles. If I'm still able to tomorrow I'll hit the gym, skip the 6k run and do light cardio and arms, with legs on Saturday. Weights are easier with a potential cold than running so much.
Food day tomorrow will be heavier in the morning and light in the evening. I don't have any oatmeal besides the horrible plain stuff so I may have the last of the bread for breakfast, just warm it up a bit. Honey and lemon while I get ready, and tea once I'm at work. The usual salad, apple, celery and yogurt for work, with apple or rice cake and tea or coffee for the drive home (probably tea). Hit the gym and a Luna bar with some of the protein smoothie post workout then out with the girls. Saturday will probably be a very light food day, almost like a fast/cleanse day, with Sunday picking up on the veggies again.
I have 7 days to get to 140. I know I can do it, maybe get even lower. NO MORE FUCKING CHOCOLATE. I need to STARVE again. I enjoyed the feeling of being empty last week. I need that again.
I've decided that once I hit 135 I'm going to try to find and buy one of those awesome workout shirts without the back for Zumba. They look awesome and are kinda flowing and not skin tight. I think a black one would look good on me.
I've also decided to shave my head. Not like bic it, just a buzz.... I'm also very excited that Shaun has offered to do it for me :) Tim is jealous lol! Asshole.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Quick Post
Today was a bit crazy. I'm down to 146.1lbs but I can't find my book that I write it all in. I have hunted and hunted. I know I brought it up here as I wrote in it Tuesday morning. I just can't find it.
Work was ok. I'm being moved again next week which sucks as I love the store I'm in, but it's what I signed up for. I knew there would be some places I'd love and this was one of them, but it's time to experience more things.
I got home and crashed, just so damn tired. Crawled my ass out of bed after a 20min nap and went to the gym. Loved Zumba, not sure how much of the body blast I acually did as it felt kinda easy, and then had to go back to work for a meeting. In that 30min from the gym to work I found out that my friend that I'm living with may have lost her baby (she was about 2 months along) and that my sister is engaged.
I'm flying high, and crashing all at the same time.
Wander, you're so right. I am going to plan a day once a week were I can have a treat. Next week it will be Monday or Tuesday and I will either have a cookie or some chocolate from the Natural food store.
Pre bed note... I was 145.9 before my tea. Thank goodness it's going back down. The next 4 days will be very crucial!!!!
Work was ok. I'm being moved again next week which sucks as I love the store I'm in, but it's what I signed up for. I knew there would be some places I'd love and this was one of them, but it's time to experience more things.
I got home and crashed, just so damn tired. Crawled my ass out of bed after a 20min nap and went to the gym. Loved Zumba, not sure how much of the body blast I acually did as it felt kinda easy, and then had to go back to work for a meeting. In that 30min from the gym to work I found out that my friend that I'm living with may have lost her baby (she was about 2 months along) and that my sister is engaged.
I'm flying high, and crashing all at the same time.
Wander, you're so right. I am going to plan a day once a week were I can have a treat. Next week it will be Monday or Tuesday and I will either have a cookie or some chocolate from the Natural food store.
Pre bed note... I was 145.9 before my tea. Thank goodness it's going back down. The next 4 days will be very crucial!!!!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Yuck
Last night I could feel the beginning of a sore throat. Today I can feel the sinus pressure, the heavy puffy eyes, the feeling of not being quite right. To top it off my neck really hurts and I don't know if that's due to the weights yesterday or being sick. Plan tonight is to post this, do my post on PT and then hit the hay and get some sleep. I don't have time to be sick.
I was down this morning, thank goodnes, but not by much.147.2 means I dropped a half a pound. I was doing fantastic today until I decided no gym seeing as I felt like shit, and insted was going to go get some GMO free chicken noodle soup.
I got to the Community Food store and the soup they had was a no chicken noodle soup. I needed the chicken part for the potential cold so I decided to get one of those broths in the cardboard containers, add some whole grain pasta, veggies and pepper and make my own cheat 'soup'... then I passed the chocolate section.
I walked out with frozen brocoli, broth, licorice, milk chocolate almond bark, dark chocolate almond bark, raspberry dark chocolate, banana nut loaf (half size) 2 Luna bars and I think that was all. I ate the entire half banana nut loaf, half of each of the almond bark and half the other chocolate bar by the time I got home (fucking rush hour traffic). I then pissed around on the guitar and when my friend and her 2 kids got home I headed upstairs and steamed up some brocoli and made my soup (which was just broth, pasta, pepper and cayenne pepper... maybe too much of the latter). After I had a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea before cutting it off around 8:30pm.
I'm hoping that didn't fuck everything up. Again.
Tomorrow is my crazy day. I get up, go to work, come back home for an hour then hit the gym. Do cardio to warm up, 1 hr of Zumba, 1 hr of body blast (the awesome strenght class that I LOVE) and then after a quick shower at the gym, back to work to teach a class. I won't be home till 11pm so no time to eat.
Plan is coffee and oatmeal for breaky, salad, yogurt, celery and apple for lunch. Rice cake and half a Luna bar for pre gym snack. Other half of a Luna bar after. I may try to hit a booster juice on the way back to the store as I'll need something. I have nothing quick to take with me. Just some more celery or salad, but I think just having a booster juice will serve me well as while it's heavy on sugar (natural) and higher in calories, at least it's liquid and not damn chocolate. With a protein booster, only having half and plenty of water I should be ok. I used to do that all the time on Monday nights back home.
Ugh, I just need to lose this sore throat.
Wander; I think it's just the sugar cravings as I try to cut it out too rapidly. I've overcome it before but having severe issues with willpower this time around. I'm trying agian tomorrow, cutting out chocolate and sweets, but I think I kinda need to go back to having 'treat' days as I'm cracking far too often planning on not having them. Ugh, I think this GMO thing is the problem too. As for Facebook, it's that stupid cityville that's got me going lately. And the absolute need to see whats going on in peoples lives. I'm finding I'm using the messaging more than texting as I can write way more and it's easier to read in one go....
I was down this morning, thank goodnes, but not by much.147.2 means I dropped a half a pound. I was doing fantastic today until I decided no gym seeing as I felt like shit, and insted was going to go get some GMO free chicken noodle soup.
I got to the Community Food store and the soup they had was a no chicken noodle soup. I needed the chicken part for the potential cold so I decided to get one of those broths in the cardboard containers, add some whole grain pasta, veggies and pepper and make my own cheat 'soup'... then I passed the chocolate section.
I walked out with frozen brocoli, broth, licorice, milk chocolate almond bark, dark chocolate almond bark, raspberry dark chocolate, banana nut loaf (half size) 2 Luna bars and I think that was all. I ate the entire half banana nut loaf, half of each of the almond bark and half the other chocolate bar by the time I got home (fucking rush hour traffic). I then pissed around on the guitar and when my friend and her 2 kids got home I headed upstairs and steamed up some brocoli and made my soup (which was just broth, pasta, pepper and cayenne pepper... maybe too much of the latter). After I had a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea before cutting it off around 8:30pm.
I'm hoping that didn't fuck everything up. Again.
Tomorrow is my crazy day. I get up, go to work, come back home for an hour then hit the gym. Do cardio to warm up, 1 hr of Zumba, 1 hr of body blast (the awesome strenght class that I LOVE) and then after a quick shower at the gym, back to work to teach a class. I won't be home till 11pm so no time to eat.
Plan is coffee and oatmeal for breaky, salad, yogurt, celery and apple for lunch. Rice cake and half a Luna bar for pre gym snack. Other half of a Luna bar after. I may try to hit a booster juice on the way back to the store as I'll need something. I have nothing quick to take with me. Just some more celery or salad, but I think just having a booster juice will serve me well as while it's heavy on sugar (natural) and higher in calories, at least it's liquid and not damn chocolate. With a protein booster, only having half and plenty of water I should be ok. I used to do that all the time on Monday nights back home.
Ugh, I just need to lose this sore throat.
Wander; I think it's just the sugar cravings as I try to cut it out too rapidly. I've overcome it before but having severe issues with willpower this time around. I'm trying agian tomorrow, cutting out chocolate and sweets, but I think I kinda need to go back to having 'treat' days as I'm cracking far too often planning on not having them. Ugh, I think this GMO thing is the problem too. As for Facebook, it's that stupid cityville that's got me going lately. And the absolute need to see whats going on in peoples lives. I'm finding I'm using the messaging more than texting as I can write way more and it's easier to read in one go....
Monday, February 21, 2011
Is It October?
No? February? A whole 4 months later? THEN WHY THE FUCK DO I WEIGH THE SAME!!!
I was 147.7 this morning. Ouch. That really hurt. True, it wasn't the 149 that i was the night before, but still. Wow....
I slept till 10:40am today giving me enough time to get up, wash my face, try and make my hair look a little less like I'd just crawled out of bed (short hair doesn't do it that well, especially when there's still hairspray in it...), change into my gym stuff and hit the gym. I got there in time for a 25min cardio on the elliptical before we went into leg day. He joked about me having jello legs tomorrow and we were going to push it.
The squat weight was definatly heavy. I felt it in my back though. We went into the yoga/fitness room and did weighted step ups (25lbs in each hand), sliders (which my core lady used to call 'mountain climbing') and then onto hamstring curls on the fit ball. My legs definatly felt like jello.... Then I did 30 min on a spin bike.
Once home I ate half a Luna bar, a few chips and salsa and some prunes before hitting the shower. After I made myself wait before having a salad and on the road I ate a rice cake and an apple with coffee (I actually had sugar in it... only 15cals but mmmmmm lol) and water. Once I got to my friends I had 3 eggs scrambled and the last of the bread that Shaun brought over yesterday which was very very very yummy again. I'm on my second cup of tea but I haven't eaten or snacked since.
My snack foods are mostly gone. I have a few pieces of licorice (8cals per piece... was once my 'treat' food) and the usual chips for salsa but no pineapple rings, or chocolate here!
I have to be down to 140 by March 5th. I'd prefer to be lower to make up for the eating that will happen the week after. The idea is to basically cut out my stupid sugars and snacking. I'm also thinking of doing something similar to the IF fasting but I'm not sure how that would work. I have to have something in the morning to get the metabolism going but then I don't eat until noon or 1pm. If I do that, then I would have to stop eating at 4pm which would be bad as I usually don't hit the gym until 5 or 6 and not having at least steamed veggies after wouldn't be too smart. I'll get super hungry and binge.
I think I'll just stick to my 3 basic meals and one snack, but restrict those. Aim for a max of 800 cals (today was close to that total not net) and bounce between 500-800. I have 12 days left then I can get back onto my old routine involving lots of brothy soups so that will help!!! For now, oatmeal, yogurt, salad and apples. Celery I have now too, then for dinners, miso soup, and veggies. Snacks, prunes and chips. Post/pre workout the Luna bars as I'll need some protein.
Wow.... I'm still in shock that I've gained that much in such a short time. Hopefully it'll be easy to lose. No wonder I felt so gross.
I was 147.7 this morning. Ouch. That really hurt. True, it wasn't the 149 that i was the night before, but still. Wow....
I slept till 10:40am today giving me enough time to get up, wash my face, try and make my hair look a little less like I'd just crawled out of bed (short hair doesn't do it that well, especially when there's still hairspray in it...), change into my gym stuff and hit the gym. I got there in time for a 25min cardio on the elliptical before we went into leg day. He joked about me having jello legs tomorrow and we were going to push it.
The squat weight was definatly heavy. I felt it in my back though. We went into the yoga/fitness room and did weighted step ups (25lbs in each hand), sliders (which my core lady used to call 'mountain climbing') and then onto hamstring curls on the fit ball. My legs definatly felt like jello.... Then I did 30 min on a spin bike.
Once home I ate half a Luna bar, a few chips and salsa and some prunes before hitting the shower. After I made myself wait before having a salad and on the road I ate a rice cake and an apple with coffee (I actually had sugar in it... only 15cals but mmmmmm lol) and water. Once I got to my friends I had 3 eggs scrambled and the last of the bread that Shaun brought over yesterday which was very very very yummy again. I'm on my second cup of tea but I haven't eaten or snacked since.
My snack foods are mostly gone. I have a few pieces of licorice (8cals per piece... was once my 'treat' food) and the usual chips for salsa but no pineapple rings, or chocolate here!
I have to be down to 140 by March 5th. I'd prefer to be lower to make up for the eating that will happen the week after. The idea is to basically cut out my stupid sugars and snacking. I'm also thinking of doing something similar to the IF fasting but I'm not sure how that would work. I have to have something in the morning to get the metabolism going but then I don't eat until noon or 1pm. If I do that, then I would have to stop eating at 4pm which would be bad as I usually don't hit the gym until 5 or 6 and not having at least steamed veggies after wouldn't be too smart. I'll get super hungry and binge.
I think I'll just stick to my 3 basic meals and one snack, but restrict those. Aim for a max of 800 cals (today was close to that total not net) and bounce between 500-800. I have 12 days left then I can get back onto my old routine involving lots of brothy soups so that will help!!! For now, oatmeal, yogurt, salad and apples. Celery I have now too, then for dinners, miso soup, and veggies. Snacks, prunes and chips. Post/pre workout the Luna bars as I'll need some protein.
Wow.... I'm still in shock that I've gained that much in such a short time. Hopefully it'll be easy to lose. No wonder I felt so gross.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Hug
Got up, did my yoga, some light weights, didn't eat until after noon.
I was 145.1 this morning. 147 by the time I actually ate something (WTF!!! How did I gain 2lbs eating NOTHING). I'm 150 now.
I cleaned and cooked during the morning, had the back of my hair trimmed early afternoon, got ready and continued to cook throughout the late afternoon. I made the pita bread. It was time consuming in having it rest for 2hrs, then another 20 min right before rolling, but so well worth it. Absolutly yummy.
Shaun showed up around 5pm and we ate my chicken soup (more soupy than stewy... it didn't thicken properly), pitas, cookies (that failed. Cane sugar is not the best), chocolate and some cocoa/coffee/rye bread that he brought over. I am so full!!!
We spent an extra 2 hours talking, on the internet, just bullshitting. It was awesome. He gave me a hug. I wasn't prepared. I thought he was doing the half hug, but no it was a full hug and it was perfect :)
Because of that I am not going to freak out that I'm now the same weight I was back in November, that I've basically undone the last 3 months of work.
I still will, however, make plans for tomorrow and going forward. It's back to restriction, me thinks. I did some googling on ketogenic diets but I don't think I could do it. Mostly because of silly things like not being able to have yogurt or milk in my tea. It also relies on having a lot of fat and protein. I'm sure it works but from what I've read it will come back in a few days in water retention once I start eating carbs again.
That's what I think most of this is, water retention. At least I hope so. I feel fatter. I feel like there's a few inches of fat added around my stomach, my ass, my legs. It has to go. I have 13 days. I need to go back to controlling sugars, no breads, grains etc. Back to salads, and soups, the basics. Pretty much starve and eat at the same time.
Tomorrow depends on how I wake up. I don't know if I should have tea or not, but if I don't eat, tea for sure. If I do eat, no tea. Water, lots of water. Then training. Post training the luna bar and right before I leave, salad. For dinner, maybe some stew, or half of it. Maybe some steamed veggies. I want to eat the leftover stew, just as it's so good. It's not a huge portion. I can break it into 2 easily. I could have it tuesday and wednesday. Don't think I could leave it until Thursday which would be ideal.... unless I froze it. That is kinda perfect. I literally thought of that right now.... I'm totally doing that. That way I won't be tempted to eat it tomorrow. Hell, I could have it on the weekend. Hmmm...
I still want to be 140 by March 5th. 10lbs in 13 days? If its water and I"m 147 or lower by morning its doable.
Sleep time
I was 145.1 this morning. 147 by the time I actually ate something (WTF!!! How did I gain 2lbs eating NOTHING). I'm 150 now.
I cleaned and cooked during the morning, had the back of my hair trimmed early afternoon, got ready and continued to cook throughout the late afternoon. I made the pita bread. It was time consuming in having it rest for 2hrs, then another 20 min right before rolling, but so well worth it. Absolutly yummy.
Shaun showed up around 5pm and we ate my chicken soup (more soupy than stewy... it didn't thicken properly), pitas, cookies (that failed. Cane sugar is not the best), chocolate and some cocoa/coffee/rye bread that he brought over. I am so full!!!
We spent an extra 2 hours talking, on the internet, just bullshitting. It was awesome. He gave me a hug. I wasn't prepared. I thought he was doing the half hug, but no it was a full hug and it was perfect :)
Because of that I am not going to freak out that I'm now the same weight I was back in November, that I've basically undone the last 3 months of work.
I still will, however, make plans for tomorrow and going forward. It's back to restriction, me thinks. I did some googling on ketogenic diets but I don't think I could do it. Mostly because of silly things like not being able to have yogurt or milk in my tea. It also relies on having a lot of fat and protein. I'm sure it works but from what I've read it will come back in a few days in water retention once I start eating carbs again.
That's what I think most of this is, water retention. At least I hope so. I feel fatter. I feel like there's a few inches of fat added around my stomach, my ass, my legs. It has to go. I have 13 days. I need to go back to controlling sugars, no breads, grains etc. Back to salads, and soups, the basics. Pretty much starve and eat at the same time.
Tomorrow depends on how I wake up. I don't know if I should have tea or not, but if I don't eat, tea for sure. If I do eat, no tea. Water, lots of water. Then training. Post training the luna bar and right before I leave, salad. For dinner, maybe some stew, or half of it. Maybe some steamed veggies. I want to eat the leftover stew, just as it's so good. It's not a huge portion. I can break it into 2 easily. I could have it tuesday and wednesday. Don't think I could leave it until Thursday which would be ideal.... unless I froze it. That is kinda perfect. I literally thought of that right now.... I'm totally doing that. That way I won't be tempted to eat it tomorrow. Hell, I could have it on the weekend. Hmmm...
I still want to be 140 by March 5th. 10lbs in 13 days? If its water and I"m 147 or lower by morning its doable.
Sleep time
5 Minutes Of Hell
Well, not so much... That's the training program my trainer is using on himself and at least one other client that he's spoken of... and today I tried it. We only did 3 exercises which he says is normal. The idea is that it's not weight and reps but time under stress that helps the muscle. It's not better or worse than doing reps, just different. Lower weight but longer time therefore way more reps. For example, if I normally do 3 sets of 18 reps for the tricep rope pulls, and my arms are burning, say I'm at 70lbs. Instead I go down to 50lbs and do as many as I can in 5 min. It's not a continuous 5 minutes. I can stop. The timer stops too and then once my muscle is rested a bit, start back up again.
It was hard for the pull ups from lying as my forearms started locking up, the triceps burned but they were fine after. Abs were hard!!! However, I don't hurt now. We're doing legs on Monday so we'll see how that goes.
Foodwise, today was fine to start. I stuck to the plan completely, right up until about 9pm when I had to get salad mix. I ended up leaving with 2 chocolate bars, lindt truffles, licorice, and nuts. I managed to stop myself halfway into the chocolate and tossed what I didn't eat. I ate the licorice and nuts and then ate an entire frozen pizza.
Yeah, I feel gross. I'm despseratly hoping I don't put on MORE weight.
Tomorrow it's up early, cook, clean, get hair cut, make pita bread and cookies, more cleaning then watch the Heritage Classic with Shaun.
I really should go to bed... photoshop and facebook are EVIL.....
It was hard for the pull ups from lying as my forearms started locking up, the triceps burned but they were fine after. Abs were hard!!! However, I don't hurt now. We're doing legs on Monday so we'll see how that goes.
Foodwise, today was fine to start. I stuck to the plan completely, right up until about 9pm when I had to get salad mix. I ended up leaving with 2 chocolate bars, lindt truffles, licorice, and nuts. I managed to stop myself halfway into the chocolate and tossed what I didn't eat. I ate the licorice and nuts and then ate an entire frozen pizza.
Yeah, I feel gross. I'm despseratly hoping I don't put on MORE weight.
Tomorrow it's up early, cook, clean, get hair cut, make pita bread and cookies, more cleaning then watch the Heritage Classic with Shaun.
I really should go to bed... photoshop and facebook are EVIL.....
Friday, February 18, 2011
Warning... potential TMI
I managed 4 hours of sleep. Woke up around 4:30am drenched in sweat. Managed to doze a bit until the nephews 'woke' me up around 8am.
I had my oatmeal and a few sips of coffee. Then I moved onto trail mix, pineapple rings, chips, before finally loading up the car to go. Once on the road I was fine. Shaun shot me a message asking if we'd be cool to cancel this evening as he was tired which wasn't a big deal. Snapped my 365 photo and headed to the gym. I managed my 6km run in around 43-46 min (not entirely sure as I accidently hit the emergency stop and had to restart with 10minutes to go) and I could feel my left knee and hip complaining which is different than the norm. I left shortly after doing no weights.
Once home all plans went out the window. I ate an entire Luna bar, tons of chips and salsa, pineapple rings, and basically anything I could get my hands on. After a shower I then finished with popcorn, wheatabix, and brocolli. Basically a binge, but with nothing good in it.
Yeah, 147lbs post binge.
To top it all off my period came a whole 8 days early. That helps explain the bloating that I thought was all weight gain and helps explain some of the cravings.
At 7:05pm I last ate. That's it for the night. After that I've had water and tea. I also did some googling about water retention and I wasn't aware that sugar contributed to it. So, there's something to go asap. I've basically eaten everything good in my house so I should be good now.
I'm going to make 2 week plan tomorrow morning over my morning tea, which I will take a photo of and take north, filling it out when I come back next weekend. Plan will be to get to 140 by March 5th, if not go to 137. The basics for tomorrow will be to eat nothing and just have tea for breakfast. Have half the oatmeal around noon and water at the gym. Post gym, salad. While driving, an apple and rice cake or cereal and tea/coffee. Once home maybe some miso soup and tea pre bed. Goal is to eat as little as possible and mininimize sugars. Drop the water weight and let my body empty of the amount of garbage I've given it. I won't eat a 'real' meal until Sunday evening.
I'm watching that last 10lbs show. Chick just lost 9lbs in 2 weeks. That's what I have to do.... Total inspiration. No chocolate, no nuts, limit fruits, no shit food...
Now just to execute.....
I had my oatmeal and a few sips of coffee. Then I moved onto trail mix, pineapple rings, chips, before finally loading up the car to go. Once on the road I was fine. Shaun shot me a message asking if we'd be cool to cancel this evening as he was tired which wasn't a big deal. Snapped my 365 photo and headed to the gym. I managed my 6km run in around 43-46 min (not entirely sure as I accidently hit the emergency stop and had to restart with 10minutes to go) and I could feel my left knee and hip complaining which is different than the norm. I left shortly after doing no weights.
Once home all plans went out the window. I ate an entire Luna bar, tons of chips and salsa, pineapple rings, and basically anything I could get my hands on. After a shower I then finished with popcorn, wheatabix, and brocolli. Basically a binge, but with nothing good in it.
Yeah, 147lbs post binge.
To top it all off my period came a whole 8 days early. That helps explain the bloating that I thought was all weight gain and helps explain some of the cravings.
At 7:05pm I last ate. That's it for the night. After that I've had water and tea. I also did some googling about water retention and I wasn't aware that sugar contributed to it. So, there's something to go asap. I've basically eaten everything good in my house so I should be good now.
I'm going to make 2 week plan tomorrow morning over my morning tea, which I will take a photo of and take north, filling it out when I come back next weekend. Plan will be to get to 140 by March 5th, if not go to 137. The basics for tomorrow will be to eat nothing and just have tea for breakfast. Have half the oatmeal around noon and water at the gym. Post gym, salad. While driving, an apple and rice cake or cereal and tea/coffee. Once home maybe some miso soup and tea pre bed. Goal is to eat as little as possible and mininimize sugars. Drop the water weight and let my body empty of the amount of garbage I've given it. I won't eat a 'real' meal until Sunday evening.
I'm watching that last 10lbs show. Chick just lost 9lbs in 2 weeks. That's what I have to do.... Total inspiration. No chocolate, no nuts, limit fruits, no shit food...
Now just to execute.....
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Aaaaand.... Fuck
Was doing so well. Down to 143.5lbs this morning and managed 500cals by 5pm. Most of that was my oatmeal (160cals) and yogurt (100cals) eaten by noon. I had 2 scrambled eggs and some brocolli for dinner and hung around while we waited for my friends hubby to get home.
Hit my organic food stores so I could buy the stuff for the chicken stew and pita bread and in the process I picked up more dried fruit (ok... i guess) almond bark (better than the banana bread but not ok) chocolate bars (baaaaad) trail mix (even worse) and raspberry yogurt covered pretzels...
Fuck I ate so much. I even ate an entire piece of carrot cake.
This is killing me. I'm using my GMO free as an excuse. I have a plan for the next 'diet' but this one needs to get in hand fast. I have 2 weeks left starting Saturday. I should use tomorrow as a 'cleanse' day and then hit the last 14 days hard. I can get below 140 if I concentrate and work at it.
So here's yet another plan:
Tomorrow I will have oatmeal and coffee for breakfast. I will have tea on the road with an apple if needed. I will allow myself some trail mix, but only a bit. I will have salad with the light dressing for a late lunch. I will have a 100cal GMO free protein shake around 5pm before the gym. I'll hit the gym around 6 or so and try for 5km running. Do my hour training, cool down on a bike or elliptical. Go home, shower, tea, if I eat it will be something like a rice cake or something bland. Try for nothing.
I'm curious as to what I will weigh once I get home home, and what I will weigh before I leave here...
Ugh, I feel so gross right now. I wish I could go throw up but it was one of my damn goals. Why is that one so easy to deny but the eating stupidly and losing weight is so hard?
On another note, get to go to the massage therapist tomorrow. Finally get this knot in my back that's been bugging me all week gone!!!
Hit my organic food stores so I could buy the stuff for the chicken stew and pita bread and in the process I picked up more dried fruit (ok... i guess) almond bark (better than the banana bread but not ok) chocolate bars (baaaaad) trail mix (even worse) and raspberry yogurt covered pretzels...
Fuck I ate so much. I even ate an entire piece of carrot cake.
This is killing me. I'm using my GMO free as an excuse. I have a plan for the next 'diet' but this one needs to get in hand fast. I have 2 weeks left starting Saturday. I should use tomorrow as a 'cleanse' day and then hit the last 14 days hard. I can get below 140 if I concentrate and work at it.
So here's yet another plan:
Tomorrow I will have oatmeal and coffee for breakfast. I will have tea on the road with an apple if needed. I will allow myself some trail mix, but only a bit. I will have salad with the light dressing for a late lunch. I will have a 100cal GMO free protein shake around 5pm before the gym. I'll hit the gym around 6 or so and try for 5km running. Do my hour training, cool down on a bike or elliptical. Go home, shower, tea, if I eat it will be something like a rice cake or something bland. Try for nothing.
I'm curious as to what I will weigh once I get home home, and what I will weigh before I leave here...
Ugh, I feel so gross right now. I wish I could go throw up but it was one of my damn goals. Why is that one so easy to deny but the eating stupidly and losing weight is so hard?
On another note, get to go to the massage therapist tomorrow. Finally get this knot in my back that's been bugging me all week gone!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
And up we go....
Weight that is. I'm up to 144.2 as of this morning, but I swear it's my friends floor in the bathroom. I mean, I'll hopefully hit 141 by Saturday morning or even 140 without a problem, just as soon as I get here it's 143 or higher.
I think there's too much senseless snacking going on. Back at home I'd get home, shower, go on the computer and maybe have some veggies. Here I'm munching on fruit, cereal, chips and salsa, or if I make popcorn, I end up eating and eating and eating it. I'm getting eager for this to be over, but I still need to regain control.
Tonight I had 2 of these fiber tablets so hopefully that will help with the food belly I've got going. Plan for oatmeal and coffee for morning, 2L of water to help fill me up, salad, carrots, apple and yogurt for during work leaving it as late as possible to eat, then steamed veggies for dinner. If my friend says anything I may scramble up an egg or two later on. For snacks, a ring of dried pineapple, maybe some chips and salsa and perhaps a small amount of dry cereal, or a salted rice cake if I have cramping in my legs again (trainer figures that its because my salt levels are too low....) That's all around 800 cals, but it's all veggies and stuff that shouldn't stay around too long.
Tomorrow night is the 'girls' night again and I'm not sure what we're doing. I really want to go for a walk again, if we can't outside as its so miserable then maybe I can convince her to go to a mall and walk around. I mentionned that I needed to go get some stuff for dinner on Sunday but I don't know if I want to as that means I'll be around all that damn food again. Maybe I should though, as it will stop me from buying senseless shit. Though I really am thinking about almond bark, or chocolate covered almonds right now....mmmmm...
Fuck.
NO
Going to bed at a decent time tonight, as in 11pm not 1am. Sleep apparently helps weight loss, and I sure hope so as I feel like a whale again.
I need to find my thinspiration, my drive again. Fat just will not do.
I think there's too much senseless snacking going on. Back at home I'd get home, shower, go on the computer and maybe have some veggies. Here I'm munching on fruit, cereal, chips and salsa, or if I make popcorn, I end up eating and eating and eating it. I'm getting eager for this to be over, but I still need to regain control.
Tonight I had 2 of these fiber tablets so hopefully that will help with the food belly I've got going. Plan for oatmeal and coffee for morning, 2L of water to help fill me up, salad, carrots, apple and yogurt for during work leaving it as late as possible to eat, then steamed veggies for dinner. If my friend says anything I may scramble up an egg or two later on. For snacks, a ring of dried pineapple, maybe some chips and salsa and perhaps a small amount of dry cereal, or a salted rice cake if I have cramping in my legs again (trainer figures that its because my salt levels are too low....) That's all around 800 cals, but it's all veggies and stuff that shouldn't stay around too long.
Tomorrow night is the 'girls' night again and I'm not sure what we're doing. I really want to go for a walk again, if we can't outside as its so miserable then maybe I can convince her to go to a mall and walk around. I mentionned that I needed to go get some stuff for dinner on Sunday but I don't know if I want to as that means I'll be around all that damn food again. Maybe I should though, as it will stop me from buying senseless shit. Though I really am thinking about almond bark, or chocolate covered almonds right now....mmmmm...
Fuck.
NO
Going to bed at a decent time tonight, as in 11pm not 1am. Sleep apparently helps weight loss, and I sure hope so as I feel like a whale again.
I need to find my thinspiration, my drive again. Fat just will not do.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Control, but not
I hate control. I have to be in control, always. Today I was in control at work. I delivered 2 development plans for two different managers that I made, and they worked perfectly. They are solid, working documents that I am very proud of. I got a TON accomplished and really felt like I was doing my job.
I skipped the gym, thinking that I have an extra session this week so why not, and I wanted to spend some time with the nephews. I ate dinner (pasta and sauce. No meat) and had popcorn for a snack. We spent about an hour after dinner playing in my friends bedroom with the lights off, a tiny toy lantern and my camera. Check out what I ended up catching:
http://365project.org/toomi/365
I'm pretty damn proud of that pic. There's more, but they're not posted on that site.
However, it all comes at a price. I'm full. I could probably go to the bathroom and vomit without trying too hard but it's part of my mission Feb to not purge so I won't. I need to get a fucking grip!!! Like Wander said. I have a plan, but within that plan I'm losing control. What I used to follow doesn't seem to matter right now as I'm on a slightly altered plan. Fuck it. It does fucking matter!!!!
I'm fine until I get home. That's when the issues arrise. So here's what I'm going to do for tomorrow:
Normal breakfast, oatmeal and coffee. Maybe a pineapple ring as well. For lunch, the usual salad, yogurt, apple, and carrots. At 5pm when I get home, half the protein bar to help me survive the 3 hr gym session. After the gym, the other half of the bar and leftover pasta. I will allow one small snack. Either a pineapple ring, a handful of dry cereal, or 5 chips and salsa.
Fill myself up on water and go to bed at a decent hour.
Thursday, same deal, but for dinner probably steamed veggies and maybe 2 scrambled eggs (depends if I can just get away with the veggies.)
Friday is a day off. Oatmeal and tea for breaky, coffee and water with an apple for the drive home. Salad for a very late lunch, and then the gym. Post gym, some soup. By Saturday I should be back to 140.
I've looked at some fantastic thinspo today, even though I'm not much one for that shit. I had a focus for a long time. To get thin. I got lost falling for my damn trainer. He's a friend now, but I can get back on track.
Remember how good it felt to be hungry? To feel my stomach growl? To know that I was helping every ounce come off by denying myself that next bite?
Yeah, that's what I want again and I always do everything I can to get it.
I skipped the gym, thinking that I have an extra session this week so why not, and I wanted to spend some time with the nephews. I ate dinner (pasta and sauce. No meat) and had popcorn for a snack. We spent about an hour after dinner playing in my friends bedroom with the lights off, a tiny toy lantern and my camera. Check out what I ended up catching:
http://365project.org/toomi/365
I'm pretty damn proud of that pic. There's more, but they're not posted on that site.
However, it all comes at a price. I'm full. I could probably go to the bathroom and vomit without trying too hard but it's part of my mission Feb to not purge so I won't. I need to get a fucking grip!!! Like Wander said. I have a plan, but within that plan I'm losing control. What I used to follow doesn't seem to matter right now as I'm on a slightly altered plan. Fuck it. It does fucking matter!!!!
I'm fine until I get home. That's when the issues arrise. So here's what I'm going to do for tomorrow:
Normal breakfast, oatmeal and coffee. Maybe a pineapple ring as well. For lunch, the usual salad, yogurt, apple, and carrots. At 5pm when I get home, half the protein bar to help me survive the 3 hr gym session. After the gym, the other half of the bar and leftover pasta. I will allow one small snack. Either a pineapple ring, a handful of dry cereal, or 5 chips and salsa.
Fill myself up on water and go to bed at a decent hour.
Thursday, same deal, but for dinner probably steamed veggies and maybe 2 scrambled eggs (depends if I can just get away with the veggies.)
Friday is a day off. Oatmeal and tea for breaky, coffee and water with an apple for the drive home. Salad for a very late lunch, and then the gym. Post gym, some soup. By Saturday I should be back to 140.
I've looked at some fantastic thinspo today, even though I'm not much one for that shit. I had a focus for a long time. To get thin. I got lost falling for my damn trainer. He's a friend now, but I can get back on track.
Remember how good it felt to be hungry? To feel my stomach growl? To know that I was helping every ounce come off by denying myself that next bite?
Yeah, that's what I want again and I always do everything I can to get it.
Monday, February 14, 2011
A Monday
It felt like a Monday today. I was fat on the scale (143.???? I think?), I was tired at work, I had expired yogurt, I miss my friends, my house, I miss Shaun.... Perhaps the last one was bugging me the most. I miss the stupid chit chat, the laughs. Sad considering it's only been 2 days since I saw him.
Oh yeah, apparently it was a holiday of some sort today? ;p
Yeah, I generally ignore such things, but I did post a valentine as my 365 photo.
After work I hit the gym for Zumba, and some weights. Felt very accomplished and then proceeded to almost have a breakdown in Stupidstore while shopping for yogurt.
I'm just so frustrated and it's so damn stupid. I want a fucking burger. I want pizza. I want all the shit I can't eat on this GMO thing, AND all the stuff I can't eat as I want to be skinny.
Skinny, what I"m not going to accomplish eating the way I am. I've just become so damn concerned about eating GMO free that I'm not paying attention. I've eaten tons of dried fruit today (lots of prunes to help with everything else too!!!) nuts, steamed veggies, chips and salsa, and damn it I bought organic chocolate chips. There's half a bag still in the car.
I have my food for the week, it isn't going to change. However, I do need to pick up more veggies tomorrow as I ate the last today.
I also think the scale is fucked here. There's now way I'm fighting that much and adding that much in a day.
I was 143.5 before I pigged out, so I'm hoping for 144.5 by bed, and 143.5 by morning. Have oatmeal and save the salad until right before my noon meeting. Save the rest until 3pm and hit the gym around 6pm or so. Stay for 2-3hrs and home for veggies and tea. If I can stick to that for at least one day I should be ok.
I need to stop with the chips, chocolate and excessive fruit. I've proven I can do this GMO free thing, now lets take it to the next step. I want 135, I can see it, feel it. I want that feeling of being able to jump up and down on the scale for pure joy.
I've also found the perfect idea for a picture for 365. I can't decide if I'll do it when I hit 130 or 125.... I think we'll see how I look at 130. But that's a goal, something to strive for.
Now lets get to it!!!!!
Oh yeah, apparently it was a holiday of some sort today? ;p
Yeah, I generally ignore such things, but I did post a valentine as my 365 photo.
After work I hit the gym for Zumba, and some weights. Felt very accomplished and then proceeded to almost have a breakdown in Stupidstore while shopping for yogurt.
I'm just so frustrated and it's so damn stupid. I want a fucking burger. I want pizza. I want all the shit I can't eat on this GMO thing, AND all the stuff I can't eat as I want to be skinny.
Skinny, what I"m not going to accomplish eating the way I am. I've just become so damn concerned about eating GMO free that I'm not paying attention. I've eaten tons of dried fruit today (lots of prunes to help with everything else too!!!) nuts, steamed veggies, chips and salsa, and damn it I bought organic chocolate chips. There's half a bag still in the car.
I have my food for the week, it isn't going to change. However, I do need to pick up more veggies tomorrow as I ate the last today.
I also think the scale is fucked here. There's now way I'm fighting that much and adding that much in a day.
I was 143.5 before I pigged out, so I'm hoping for 144.5 by bed, and 143.5 by morning. Have oatmeal and save the salad until right before my noon meeting. Save the rest until 3pm and hit the gym around 6pm or so. Stay for 2-3hrs and home for veggies and tea. If I can stick to that for at least one day I should be ok.
I need to stop with the chips, chocolate and excessive fruit. I've proven I can do this GMO free thing, now lets take it to the next step. I want 135, I can see it, feel it. I want that feeling of being able to jump up and down on the scale for pure joy.
I've also found the perfect idea for a picture for 365. I can't decide if I'll do it when I hit 130 or 125.... I think we'll see how I look at 130. But that's a goal, something to strive for.
Now lets get to it!!!!!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Woman
Today has been a very uplifting day in so many ways.
First I got on the scale to a very suprising 140.9. I'm THRILLED obviously.
Second, I did some yoga, light weights, and some light ab work with a fit ball. I then proceeded to be very distracted by playing with my camera in manual mode. I snapped a few pictures of my weights in the foreground with the fit ball in the background, and then played around with pictures of my flute. I'm very thrilled with some of the results. I posted the one of the weights on my facebook not intending it to be part of myt 365 project and Shaun commented, mocking me for my 'girl weights'. (They're the felt covered ones you can buy super cheap at Walmart). I replied that despite the fact that they were 'girl' weights, they were still weights and I'd had them for years. The response, that then I was a girl, now I'm a woman. My eyes may have welled up.
I think that's the first time anyone, friend or more, guy or girl, has ever really said that to me and it really meant a lot to me. I can't describe how it makes me feel. Like I could do anything I wanted to. That I was in my element. That I was me, and that's all that counted.
That in itself made my day and that was by 11am.
I went for a walk with my dad in the howling wind and got a few good pictures out of it. There's one that shows just how insanely windy it is but it's got me in it, not sure if I want to post it... maybe.... I don't know.
Headed north in the wind and drove by several semi's tipped over in the ditches from the wind. I"m not kidding when I say it's been fucking windy. 3 days of winds from 60km/hr to 110km/hr. I'm suprised the roof of my house stayed on!!!
Uploaded a few pictures, and got a message from a friend wanting advice about cameras. I'm getting a lot of compliments on my photos, and I don't even think some are that great.
Today has just been a great day for my ego, even if not for my waistline.
I did eat a fair amount of chocolate today. Last time I checked I was 144.4lbs, but I"m hoping I am around 143.5 before I go to bed. Tomorrow I'm hoping to start cutting out the shit and starting the last half.
Yup, 21 days on GMO free today. I have 20 days to go. I have 20 days to drop these pounds I've been trying to lose for months. Cut out the junk and I should be able to do it. I can't restrict too much as it's causing issues with me binging. I need to eat fruit to compensate for the chocolate, skip the chips, cookies, muffins etc, and control the chips and salsa. The Luna bars can stay for the protein, and I need to keep a decent amount of veggies in me for lunch and dinner.
Tomorrow I have Zumba and will probably do an 'arm' day at the gym too. Zumba will take care of the legs!!! lol. I already know what my 365 pic will be tomorrow and I'm super stoked to try it, despite its Valentines theme ( I hate Valentines day....)
Gotta hit the hay...
First I got on the scale to a very suprising 140.9. I'm THRILLED obviously.
Second, I did some yoga, light weights, and some light ab work with a fit ball. I then proceeded to be very distracted by playing with my camera in manual mode. I snapped a few pictures of my weights in the foreground with the fit ball in the background, and then played around with pictures of my flute. I'm very thrilled with some of the results. I posted the one of the weights on my facebook not intending it to be part of myt 365 project and Shaun commented, mocking me for my 'girl weights'. (They're the felt covered ones you can buy super cheap at Walmart). I replied that despite the fact that they were 'girl' weights, they were still weights and I'd had them for years. The response, that then I was a girl, now I'm a woman. My eyes may have welled up.
I think that's the first time anyone, friend or more, guy or girl, has ever really said that to me and it really meant a lot to me. I can't describe how it makes me feel. Like I could do anything I wanted to. That I was in my element. That I was me, and that's all that counted.
That in itself made my day and that was by 11am.
I went for a walk with my dad in the howling wind and got a few good pictures out of it. There's one that shows just how insanely windy it is but it's got me in it, not sure if I want to post it... maybe.... I don't know.
Headed north in the wind and drove by several semi's tipped over in the ditches from the wind. I"m not kidding when I say it's been fucking windy. 3 days of winds from 60km/hr to 110km/hr. I'm suprised the roof of my house stayed on!!!
Uploaded a few pictures, and got a message from a friend wanting advice about cameras. I'm getting a lot of compliments on my photos, and I don't even think some are that great.
Today has just been a great day for my ego, even if not for my waistline.
I did eat a fair amount of chocolate today. Last time I checked I was 144.4lbs, but I"m hoping I am around 143.5 before I go to bed. Tomorrow I'm hoping to start cutting out the shit and starting the last half.
Yup, 21 days on GMO free today. I have 20 days to go. I have 20 days to drop these pounds I've been trying to lose for months. Cut out the junk and I should be able to do it. I can't restrict too much as it's causing issues with me binging. I need to eat fruit to compensate for the chocolate, skip the chips, cookies, muffins etc, and control the chips and salsa. The Luna bars can stay for the protein, and I need to keep a decent amount of veggies in me for lunch and dinner.
Tomorrow I have Zumba and will probably do an 'arm' day at the gym too. Zumba will take care of the legs!!! lol. I already know what my 365 pic will be tomorrow and I'm super stoked to try it, despite its Valentines theme ( I hate Valentines day....)
Gotta hit the hay...
Friday, February 11, 2011
Another End
I'm going to allow myself to wallow in misery for today only. The man I've 'fallen' for has a woman.... I refuse to be the howling whining woman, the one who doesn't want anything to do with him now, or the one who wants all the details. I want to be his friend, someone he can trust, someone he can talk to and someone I can talk to.
That's it.
As I accidentlly discovered this, my fucked up mind began to speak up a little louder. It tells me the reason he went with her is that she's thinner, prettier, has long hair, looks like a girl, is stronger etc. It choses to ignore the fact that they've been friends for far longer and good for him to be happy.
But that's what I want. I can't have someone in my life while I do this. It just wouldn't work, especially someone who is trained to look for eating 'issues'.
Today I had my normal oatmeal for breakfast with tea, salad, yogurt, rice cake and apple for lunch. I ate 7 Lindt chocolate truffles (GMO free... I've been indulging far too much) with a mug of coffee on the way home. Once here had the leftover pasta and sauce from yesterday, some chips, chips and salsa, and 2 prunes. Still to have my tea yet and I'm starving. However it's 11:35pm so no more food.
For tomorrow, tea in the morning and possibly eggs? I'm thinking the protein for workout today. That or oatmeal and have eggs around noon. Then a protein bar after and salad before driving. Depending on what time I finish driving, soup for dinner. I plan on hitting the gym for a full 40min warm up (depending on the knee either running or elliptical) and after training at least 30min on the bike. I'll be exhausted.
Sunday I hope to do yoga and light weights when I get up, do some light cleaning, taxes, and possibly have the parents over for tea or coffee. I have to make cookies also. Maybe go for an early morning walk? I also want to read through some of the magazines that my step mom gave to me and try to figure out the next 'diet' when I end this GMO thing....
I just have to keep active, and watch what I'm eating. I need to cut back on the chocolate. I think if I do have a craving I'll go get some dried pineapple or some trail mix from one of the organic stores.
135 can't be too much longer away. I have 3 weeks tomorrow until the next weigh in.
Yes this is an end to yet another 'phase' but a beginning to another.
That's it.
As I accidentlly discovered this, my fucked up mind began to speak up a little louder. It tells me the reason he went with her is that she's thinner, prettier, has long hair, looks like a girl, is stronger etc. It choses to ignore the fact that they've been friends for far longer and good for him to be happy.
But that's what I want. I can't have someone in my life while I do this. It just wouldn't work, especially someone who is trained to look for eating 'issues'.
Today I had my normal oatmeal for breakfast with tea, salad, yogurt, rice cake and apple for lunch. I ate 7 Lindt chocolate truffles (GMO free... I've been indulging far too much) with a mug of coffee on the way home. Once here had the leftover pasta and sauce from yesterday, some chips, chips and salsa, and 2 prunes. Still to have my tea yet and I'm starving. However it's 11:35pm so no more food.
For tomorrow, tea in the morning and possibly eggs? I'm thinking the protein for workout today. That or oatmeal and have eggs around noon. Then a protein bar after and salad before driving. Depending on what time I finish driving, soup for dinner. I plan on hitting the gym for a full 40min warm up (depending on the knee either running or elliptical) and after training at least 30min on the bike. I'll be exhausted.
Sunday I hope to do yoga and light weights when I get up, do some light cleaning, taxes, and possibly have the parents over for tea or coffee. I have to make cookies also. Maybe go for an early morning walk? I also want to read through some of the magazines that my step mom gave to me and try to figure out the next 'diet' when I end this GMO thing....
I just have to keep active, and watch what I'm eating. I need to cut back on the chocolate. I think if I do have a craving I'll go get some dried pineapple or some trail mix from one of the organic stores.
135 can't be too much longer away. I have 3 weeks tomorrow until the next weigh in.
Yes this is an end to yet another 'phase' but a beginning to another.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Too Many Thoughts
There's too much shit in my head right now.
I look better than I have in years/ I can still see fat.
I am at a healthy weight/ I can lose more.
I balance cardio and strenght/ I need to do more cardio.
I can eat 1000 cals a day, maybe more, in moderation/ I need to fast.
Stomach growling means I left eating too late/ Stomach growling means I'm on the right path.
I want to gain muscle/ I want to weigh less.
That's what it comes down to. This GMO free thing has been good for me in that it has taught me that I really can say no. It's hard but once I'm into it, why ruin it? It's kept me going for 17 days so far.
My mind is already skipping ahead. Once I"ve done this, and on March 6th have gone for brunch, what next? I want to find a 'diet' that will help me shed the fat and keep the muscle so I'm assuming lots of lean protein. However, I'll just scale it back tons and see how that works? Maybe?
There's that other thought again. What if I stop this now, just focus on getting 'healthy'.
I don't want to.
I was 139 on Friday. I'm 143 now. I wanted 139 by Saturday. I want 137 max by March 5th.
I need to get back on track.
Tomorrow. Oatmeal and tea or coffee for breakfast. Salad, yogurt, apple for lunch with a rice cake if needed. For dinner.... well, we'll see what happens. Maybe I can get away with veggies? If there's 'talk' I'll pull up some pasta and have that too but veggies are a must.
I think this weekend may be back to a fast again. I miss my Sunday fasts...
I'm fucking tired, sore and I can feel myself getting grumpy.
Bed time.
I look better than I have in years/ I can still see fat.
I am at a healthy weight/ I can lose more.
I balance cardio and strenght/ I need to do more cardio.
I can eat 1000 cals a day, maybe more, in moderation/ I need to fast.
Stomach growling means I left eating too late/ Stomach growling means I'm on the right path.
I want to gain muscle/ I want to weigh less.
That's what it comes down to. This GMO free thing has been good for me in that it has taught me that I really can say no. It's hard but once I'm into it, why ruin it? It's kept me going for 17 days so far.
My mind is already skipping ahead. Once I"ve done this, and on March 6th have gone for brunch, what next? I want to find a 'diet' that will help me shed the fat and keep the muscle so I'm assuming lots of lean protein. However, I'll just scale it back tons and see how that works? Maybe?
There's that other thought again. What if I stop this now, just focus on getting 'healthy'.
I don't want to.
I was 139 on Friday. I'm 143 now. I wanted 139 by Saturday. I want 137 max by March 5th.
I need to get back on track.
Tomorrow. Oatmeal and tea or coffee for breakfast. Salad, yogurt, apple for lunch with a rice cake if needed. For dinner.... well, we'll see what happens. Maybe I can get away with veggies? If there's 'talk' I'll pull up some pasta and have that too but veggies are a must.
I think this weekend may be back to a fast again. I miss my Sunday fasts...
I'm fucking tired, sore and I can feel myself getting grumpy.
Bed time.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Catch up
Coz I was posting so late it's gone and bumped the last few posts ahead a day.... oh well....
This whole weekend was fantastic. I love spending time with Shaun and having 4 days in a row where 3 were training, and one was hanging out was awesome. I'm sore from the gym and full from good food. I also managed to maintain 140.5 over the weekend which I am very pleased about.
However, today I went a bit silly.... just a wee bit. Shaun and I were talking about what we would do at the end of our little 'food' experiments ( I refuse to call mine a diet, as it' really isn't. If anything I'm eating way worse, just being forced against my usual binges due to lack of GMO free food readily available) and made plans for brunch in early March. I think I'll go right until March 5th in that case, and I'll have measurements on that day too, right before I eat a ton of food. Plus I am curious as to if it will help with the fat vs muscle mass, especially my lean mass.
However, I still plan on dropping the pounds. I want to be 137 by then, so when I get on the gyms scales I'll be sub 140. It will be a loss, and I'll be in the 130's. I have just under 4 weeks. 4 weeks to drop 3lbs. I can do this right?
I've set new goals and did for last week too, so it's a weekly goal and no more than 2lbs/week as I'm struggling to lose it. However, if I do drop it then all the power to me!!!! This weeks goal was to be 139 by Saturday. Depending on tomorrow I could still very easily hit it.
Which brings me back to my first thought... today. Shaun and I were talking about brunch and I went home and ate lunch. It wasn't bad, I was at 400 cals for breaky and lunch with a workout in between. Making sure I'm getting protein too now. But then I started snacking, and CRAVING chocolate. I didn't have any chocolate so I ate chips, licorice, etc. I finally got on the road and headed up north, when I got there eating leftover chili and bread. Then I had to snack on some chips, half a thing of soy ice cream (it's 120 cals per serving so I'm hoping it's not too bad) and some fruit. Ugh, I feel so bloated. Probably the chili's fault.
I'm 143.5 right now. Too much to hope for that I will be dropping that by morning. If I can be 141 I'll be on target, so a very light food day tomorrow, with Zumba and the body blast, followed by half a protein bar and maybe some soup or something. Tomorrow, salads, teas and soups.
I did wear the sleeveless top today to the gym. I do hate it, it makes me feel fat, but I did like seeing my arms work during chinups.... I may wear it again on another arm day just coz I'm curious.... but NOT on a leg day.
Ugh, work tomorrow. I am already desperatly looking forward to Friday and I can go home again :)
This whole weekend was fantastic. I love spending time with Shaun and having 4 days in a row where 3 were training, and one was hanging out was awesome. I'm sore from the gym and full from good food. I also managed to maintain 140.5 over the weekend which I am very pleased about.
However, today I went a bit silly.... just a wee bit. Shaun and I were talking about what we would do at the end of our little 'food' experiments ( I refuse to call mine a diet, as it' really isn't. If anything I'm eating way worse, just being forced against my usual binges due to lack of GMO free food readily available) and made plans for brunch in early March. I think I'll go right until March 5th in that case, and I'll have measurements on that day too, right before I eat a ton of food. Plus I am curious as to if it will help with the fat vs muscle mass, especially my lean mass.
However, I still plan on dropping the pounds. I want to be 137 by then, so when I get on the gyms scales I'll be sub 140. It will be a loss, and I'll be in the 130's. I have just under 4 weeks. 4 weeks to drop 3lbs. I can do this right?
I've set new goals and did for last week too, so it's a weekly goal and no more than 2lbs/week as I'm struggling to lose it. However, if I do drop it then all the power to me!!!! This weeks goal was to be 139 by Saturday. Depending on tomorrow I could still very easily hit it.
Which brings me back to my first thought... today. Shaun and I were talking about brunch and I went home and ate lunch. It wasn't bad, I was at 400 cals for breaky and lunch with a workout in between. Making sure I'm getting protein too now. But then I started snacking, and CRAVING chocolate. I didn't have any chocolate so I ate chips, licorice, etc. I finally got on the road and headed up north, when I got there eating leftover chili and bread. Then I had to snack on some chips, half a thing of soy ice cream (it's 120 cals per serving so I'm hoping it's not too bad) and some fruit. Ugh, I feel so bloated. Probably the chili's fault.
I'm 143.5 right now. Too much to hope for that I will be dropping that by morning. If I can be 141 I'll be on target, so a very light food day tomorrow, with Zumba and the body blast, followed by half a protein bar and maybe some soup or something. Tomorrow, salads, teas and soups.
I did wear the sleeveless top today to the gym. I do hate it, it makes me feel fat, but I did like seeing my arms work during chinups.... I may wear it again on another arm day just coz I'm curious.... but NOT on a leg day.
Ugh, work tomorrow. I am already desperatly looking forward to Friday and I can go home again :)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
It's late. I'm tired. 140.1lbs this morning. I think thats a win! Got a chiro appt but didn't get much else done before training.
Leg day, managed not to pull a calf and it feels way better. Legs may be tired tomorrow!!!! Did a weird ab workout, I think he said cable pulls? We ran over time, just chatting.
It was super easy to say no to the food at work tonight. I was however very tired as I had only decaffinated tea at home. Fixed that this evening!
Made chili. It's in the fridge cooling down but I think it needs more kidney beans and tastes very tomat0-y. Tomorrow is going to be very full with tons of cleaning happening!!! He should be here around 4pm so I need to be ready by 3pm at the latest. Plan on getting up around 8am and just going from there. Also going to attempt to make bread for the first time ever.
Leg day, managed not to pull a calf and it feels way better. Legs may be tired tomorrow!!!! Did a weird ab workout, I think he said cable pulls? We ran over time, just chatting.
It was super easy to say no to the food at work tonight. I was however very tired as I had only decaffinated tea at home. Fixed that this evening!
Made chili. It's in the fridge cooling down but I think it needs more kidney beans and tastes very tomat0-y. Tomorrow is going to be very full with tons of cleaning happening!!! He should be here around 4pm so I need to be ready by 3pm at the latest. Plan on getting up around 8am and just going from there. Also going to attempt to make bread for the first time ever.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Done.... for now
That's it. Inventory is done. The last 5 months of my life of stress, work, stress and more work are finally over. I now get my 4 days of freedom and back to work with 7 more months until it all starts up again.
I'm home, got home about 2 hours ago.
I was 140.6lbs this morning. I ate like a pig today and was 145.5 when I got home.
I care, but I don't.
This weekend is going to be awesome. Tomorrow is going to be busy but it will all be very well worth it.
But despite the gain today, I still feel skinnier... how is that possible?
I'm home, got home about 2 hours ago.
I was 140.6lbs this morning. I ate like a pig today and was 145.5 when I got home.
I care, but I don't.
This weekend is going to be awesome. Tomorrow is going to be busy but it will all be very well worth it.
But despite the gain today, I still feel skinnier... how is that possible?
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Almost!!!!
Almost Friday!!!!
Work was good. Didn't feel productive but felt happy about it. I did eat an entire lindt chocolate bar though. Was 140.3 when I got home from work and then went skating with Steph. It was awesome despite being on hockey skates for the first time ever. I almost missed my speedskates. We went around the pond a few times the over to the lake and around there three times until we both got cold. Then went to buy all the stuff for chili this weekend. Got some stuff to make a GMO free bread also. Now I just gotta invite someone to help me eat it :)
Now I'm very very tired. Gotta hit the hay. Long day tomorrow....
Work was good. Didn't feel productive but felt happy about it. I did eat an entire lindt chocolate bar though. Was 140.3 when I got home from work and then went skating with Steph. It was awesome despite being on hockey skates for the first time ever. I almost missed my speedskates. We went around the pond a few times the over to the lake and around there three times until we both got cold. Then went to buy all the stuff for chili this weekend. Got some stuff to make a GMO free bread also. Now I just gotta invite someone to help me eat it :)
Now I'm very very tired. Gotta hit the hay. Long day tomorrow....
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Uh.... hmmm...
I'm making a bison chili this weekend. I'm making an old recipe of my step moms that will feed me and half of the city block for a week. Going to make it on Saturday, eat it on Sunday and it will be GMO free ;)
Work was work.... They bought a fish for the office, I kept on counting for inventory.
Hit the gym right after in time for 15 min on the treadmill and then the Zumba and body blast. The body blast was awesome as we had to split into two groups to run the stairs. Yeah, totally kicked everyones ass. They just don't know how to do the two at a time thing wisely. Get low, and kinda like skating up them.
I was sure shaky after, but damn it felt good. Headed home where I had to have a debate with myself about whether or not to eat. Eating won out as I was 140.6 right after the gym and I have to eat otherwise I would really hurt in the morning. Haven't snacked too much, think I'm right around 800 cals for the day and have burned off at least 500.
Tomorrow after work is up I will hopefully get to go skating, and it will probably end up being a higher food day again. Maybe I can just get away with soup for dinner? I have to go to the natural foods store and grab the stuff for the chilli tomorrow night so I hopefully will be able to not be stupid and buy sweet shit. If I take Steph I'll be fine. If I go by myself, I'm in trouble.
Living for today.... I can't keep focusing on what's coming. I'm very excited to go home, even if it is driving at midnight, but if I keep focusing only on that, then I would not have had as much fun at Zumba, or at work, or noticed the little things in life. I have to start doing that.
I'm kinda nervous. I used a user name for a game app that I use almost everywhere, but gave it to a friend. I then thought about it and decided to try googling it. Yeah, this blog shows up on the second page. Am I being paranoid?
Work was work.... They bought a fish for the office, I kept on counting for inventory.
Hit the gym right after in time for 15 min on the treadmill and then the Zumba and body blast. The body blast was awesome as we had to split into two groups to run the stairs. Yeah, totally kicked everyones ass. They just don't know how to do the two at a time thing wisely. Get low, and kinda like skating up them.
I was sure shaky after, but damn it felt good. Headed home where I had to have a debate with myself about whether or not to eat. Eating won out as I was 140.6 right after the gym and I have to eat otherwise I would really hurt in the morning. Haven't snacked too much, think I'm right around 800 cals for the day and have burned off at least 500.
Tomorrow after work is up I will hopefully get to go skating, and it will probably end up being a higher food day again. Maybe I can just get away with soup for dinner? I have to go to the natural foods store and grab the stuff for the chilli tomorrow night so I hopefully will be able to not be stupid and buy sweet shit. If I take Steph I'll be fine. If I go by myself, I'm in trouble.
Living for today.... I can't keep focusing on what's coming. I'm very excited to go home, even if it is driving at midnight, but if I keep focusing only on that, then I would not have had as much fun at Zumba, or at work, or noticed the little things in life. I have to start doing that.
I'm kinda nervous. I used a user name for a game app that I use almost everywhere, but gave it to a friend. I then thought about it and decided to try googling it. Yeah, this blog shows up on the second page. Am I being paranoid?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Brand New Month
Tis a new month. Chance to start again. I guess, kinda. I had a bit of a pissy fit at work finding out that I will have to work friday night and then I get to drive home at almost midnight. Sure as hell hope the roads will be nice!
I definatly ate less than 700 cals today. Managed to deny that Luna bar even though I was starving. I did have a few snacks when I got home but nothing too excessive. Went to the gym for maybe an hour and a half, 25min on elliptical and then some weights, mostly arms. Could feel my calf muscle complaining towards the end of using the elliptical.
143.2 this morning, right on target. Did a new chart up and the goal is to be 140 by Saturday morning. It's a pretty tough goal but next weeks can be lower, like only a pound loss or something, and the minimum is maintaining.
I have to go to bed!!! I've been up all night yapping with Shaun.... he said he likes my 365 pics.
Sweet dreams :)
I definatly ate less than 700 cals today. Managed to deny that Luna bar even though I was starving. I did have a few snacks when I got home but nothing too excessive. Went to the gym for maybe an hour and a half, 25min on elliptical and then some weights, mostly arms. Could feel my calf muscle complaining towards the end of using the elliptical.
143.2 this morning, right on target. Did a new chart up and the goal is to be 140 by Saturday morning. It's a pretty tough goal but next weeks can be lower, like only a pound loss or something, and the minimum is maintaining.
I have to go to bed!!! I've been up all night yapping with Shaun.... he said he likes my 365 pics.
Sweet dreams :)
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