Too Many Thoughts

There's too much shit in my head right now.

I look better than I have in years/ I can still see fat.
I am at a healthy weight/ I can lose more.
I balance cardio and strenght/ I need to do more cardio.
I can eat 1000 cals a day, maybe more, in moderation/ I need to fast.
Stomach growling means I left eating too late/ Stomach growling means I'm on the right path.

I want to gain muscle/ I want to weigh less.

That's what it comes down to. This GMO free thing has been good for me in that it has taught me that I really can say no. It's hard but once I'm into it, why ruin it? It's kept me going for 17 days so far.

My mind is already skipping ahead. Once I"ve done this, and on March 6th have gone for brunch, what next? I want to find a 'diet' that will help me shed the fat and keep the muscle so I'm assuming lots of lean protein. However, I'll just scale it back tons and see how that works? Maybe?

There's that other thought again. What if I stop this now, just focus on getting 'healthy'.

I don't want to.

I was 139 on Friday. I'm 143 now. I wanted 139 by Saturday. I want 137 max by March 5th.

I need to get back on track.

Tomorrow. Oatmeal and tea or coffee for breakfast. Salad, yogurt, apple for lunch with a rice cake if needed. For dinner.... well, we'll see what happens. Maybe I can get away with veggies? If there's 'talk' I'll pull up some pasta and have that too but veggies are a must.

I think this weekend may be back to a fast again. I miss my Sunday fasts...

I'm fucking tired, sore and I can feel myself getting grumpy.

Bed time.