Success And Failiure

The 6 in 6 is over. Done. Pointless for now. I binged so badly today that there is no way I will get down there by Friday.

Measurements will have to wait. It will be the 24th when we do them, giving me 11 days. I can't even say 11 days to drop 6lbs.

My legs hurt today. Hurt bad. I can barely walk. Feels like I'm ripping my calf muscles out of my legs with every step. Can't put weight on the balls of my feet. Worst thing was I found myself trying to talk myself out of going to the gym. I'm injured. I shouldn't have to talk myself out of going!

I started my day with breakfast at McDonalds. It tasted so good yet so disgusting all in one go. I ate my salad for lunch, then went with one of the gals at work to 5 Guys and I promptly ate an entire cheeseburger and regular cajun fries. I also ate most of a bag of Maltesers, a bunch of M&M peanuts, and a handful of Mike and Ikes. After downing my diet Pepsi I hit up Stupidstore and bought a chocolate croissant, candy, and a salmon bento box. I ate the candy and shortbread on the way home, feeling full enough to puke the entire way.

Once back at my friends I heated up the bento box and proceeded to stuff my face, until about halfway when I couldn't possibly fit any more food in. I then managed to accomplish something I've been trying to for months.

I purged.

Wasn't much, but damn it felt good. I still don't regret it. I wish I would have kept at it, see how much more I could get out, but my friend came home and I had to go move my car.

I was 139.2lbs this morning. I was 143.7lbs an hour ago. I've gained 4.5lbs in one day of gorging. I'm now back to before Christmas weight.

I can't fast. It won't work. I have to eat like a bird. Salads, juice, water, and stay the fuck away from sugar/candy. I think that's whats doing me in. I'm allowing myself 'treats' again instead of constantly thinking what I am eating. I need to stop putting my food in the myfitnesspal app on my phone at the beginning of the day, and instead do it as I go through the day.

Tomorrow, toss all the candy and shit in my car. Take it into work, throw it in the garbage. Whatever I need to do. Maybe I need to go back to having my half an oatmeal? I have to try as this is killing me. Half an oatmeal tomorrow morning, and tea for the drive. Yogurt and salad for lunch, apple and rice cake for pre gym snack (legs provided.... If I can't walk, no gym as I'll damage something. I'll go to the mall instead after work). No juices. Just water. The Hard Core class is at 6pm so be at the gym by 5pm. Cardio, core, then weights. Home by 8pm. Shower and pack.

Booked some more sessions with Shaun. Told him thanks and that I 'preciate his help. He sent me back a message that he appreciated me.

That made my day.