Food Inc

It's a documentary. Go rent it, buy it, download it if you can't get it any other way. Watch it and learn.

Yeah, it's gross, but that's what we're all eating. Did you know that the corn crap they put in Ketchup, peanut butter and jams is also in batteries?!?!?!?!?! Or the way they've genetically modified the chicken to 'create' more white meat and bigger breasts as its the most popular part of the bird? Or how the chickens are so huge that their legs can't hold them up and they die? Or that cows fed solely on corn feed develop e-coli in their manure and in these feedlots spend most of their time wading in their manure? What are the odds that your beef isn't being cleaned well enough and there's shit on your food?

For those in the US, remember the Jack In The Box incident back in the early '90's? They use that as an example of improper food handling in a Canadian government regulated food safety course that I had to go through several times over.

Or what about the salmon they're trying to genetically modify so it will eat corn as it's cheap to produce.

Or the company that is creating modified seeds that will only produce one crop and then farmers have to rebuy their seed every year.

Our food is becomming so insanely processed and we don't even realise it or know it.

I'm a bit freaked out about chicken now, and it may be a while before I attempt fish also. They show the slaughtering of the animals so if you need to be turned right off food for a while, there's a perfect clip to watch.

Tomorrow I'm going through all the stuff in my cupboards and seeing what's got glucose/fructose in it and modified corn syrup/starch.

Today however was another story completely. I started off my fantastic morning with a tea and on the drive to work finished off the chocolate from last nights binge. I remained strong at work, eating the entire apple before my shift ended but brewed tea and had the rice cake before I left the city.

Halfway home hit a gas station to refuel, grab a diet soda, and buy a bunch of gummy candy and a bag of Nibs. After gorging on those I decided fuck it, my 142.9lbs this morning was not bad enough and I needed to absolutly destroy my hopes of having a good weigh in and hit the local DQ for onion rings AND went to Taco Bell for burritos.

I ate half the onion rings, 2 halfs of burritos (I wanted the cheese fillings), half the fries and a bunch of the cinnamon twists. After dropping some speakers off at my 'old' store I hit the grocer store and picked up a gourmet chocolate chip cookie, and two pieces of cake. To top it all off I hit Arbys for jalapeno bites and potato wedges. I got home, ate 2 of each of the Arby's shit, and the cookie.

Tried to purge, got barely anything up, and stepped on the scale 141.9lbs.

What The Fuck.

So feeling completely disgusingly full but somewhat relieved I went a while with the damn cake on the kitchen counter until I caved and ate a few bites of each (one carrot and one iced chocolate). Feeling even grosser I sat down to watch Food Inc.

Post hot chocolate I'm 142.5lbs. If I lose even .5lbs overnight, that's still a win!!!

I was willing to forget the weigh in on Monday, but with 3 mornings, 2 days to go, I may still consider it, but I must be at least 139 by Monday morning. At 142 tomorrow that's 3lbs in 2 days. I will have to eat next to nothing for the next 2 days but I'm down with that.

I think I'm going to ask Shaun about cleanses also. I think I'll feel so much better if I do one to get all the shit out of my system, like a detox, get rid of the sugars etc. It will help with the cravings. Either he'll give me suggestions on what to do, or I'll google it. I'm not planning to do this for weight loss, but if it happens I'm not going to complain.

Fucked up dream again last night, this time it was Shaun who managed to log onto my online food diary and was questionning my 500cal day and I was trying to lie about it.

Wonder what tonight will bring?

I've got about 3 days of blogs to catch up on tomorrow morning. I don't have milk for tea so I'll either have coffee or black tea in the morning, and head off to get a massage. I do need to go to work at some point too (hoping for before massage) and then of course training at 2pm, so gym by 1pm..

Eye is still a gorgeous deep blue but with tinges of yellow around the piercing. I must look so incredibly attractive!