Independant Toomi

Where to begin?

I'm trying a new way of recording my real life. I love my LJ but I can lie there; I know some of those people and they don't know my reality. Hence 'independant to me.'

I've still got my paper diary that has been ongoing for several months now, but this is a 'better' way. It's not availalbe for anyone who happens to be in my house to browse. They don't know this exists.

Enough of that bull shit.

Today, is one month until I have the time of my life. Barring volcanic eruptions, plane crashes (!), illnesses and every other thing that Murphey's Law will try and throw at me, I will be there. I plan on getting as close to the front as possible. I want to get pulled on that stage.

Which leads me to my biggest issue. They've got to be able to pull my fat ass on stage! I'm 1lb shy of my fatest numbers ever. Since January I've been eating healthy, doing some exercise but all I've done is pack on the pounds. Yeah, I quit smoking on Dec 23rd but it's not like I ate more! I ate less calories than before, making sure to eat healthy stuff. In frustration I ran to the doctor after packing on the first 20lbs to be told that it's all my own fault.

I was a fat kid, packing it on around 10 years old, and finally getting skinny around 14 when I got a bike. I loved that thing, was always riding. Healthy as possible, gorgeous tan, muscled and SKINNY. At 16 I discovered alcohol, nicotine and the good ol' mary jane. Not that I did it all the time.

A month after I turned 18 and shortly after I flunked out of my first year at uni, I moved out. Free from my parents rules and dirt poor, I ate the free food from the fast food joint I worked at but I still stayed skinny. I went out drinking every weekend, mixing the MJ and the new found ecstacy for a really good weekend, and still didn't put on a pound.


The drinking and most of the drugs were gone by the time I was 23,24 but I loved my nicotine. I'd gotten a bit bigger, but was still within a normal range. I could go into any store and buy a medium sized shirt and have it be a bit baggy in some areas.


Years later I quit the fast food joint, then 2 years after that quit smoking. Then I pack on the pounds?


Dear ol' doc says that I've basically fucked with my metabolism for years with the smoking, drugs and poor eating habits, and finally my body has gotten everything out of my system and now I have a piss poor metabolism. Hello fat!


I'm done with that. It's gotta come off. One way or another it will. I just really don't want to start smoking again to do it. I've started running, not much as I almost blew out my knee overdoing it with shitty old shoes. I've gone out on the poor neglected bike a few times. I've gotta get serious but not quite sure how or where to start.


I think I've got to start restricting what I eat. Make a max limit for calories and stick to it. Make every bite count and record every morsel of food that crosses these lips. Making sure I do some form of exercise every day and upping what I do constantly.


Here goes:

Weight: Not tonight. Been a lot of food taken in today and so far 3 different weights. Weigh in tomorrow morning.
Exercise: 25 mins of running. (well, run 2 blocks, walk 1) and 3 sets of the 'usual'. (I have no idea what they're all called.)
Calories: I don't even want to know.... far too many.


Today! Got to see the Bodyworks display with Dad. It's kinda wierd. You forget they're dead until they leave the eyes or hair on... one guy had leg hair still left on and that freaked me out a bit. The fetuses weren't cool. They were from the 1920's so it was just wierd thinking that this tiny baby that died before it had a chance to live, and had it lived it would be ending it's life now. It would have lived through WW2, perhaps fought, it would have possibly had children, decendants, who knows, it could have found the cure to a horrible disease or something. That fucked with my head. Came home and did some little chores, went for a run, ate, and now chilling with the Gilmore Girls. Tea is almost done, then bed time with some Farscape to send me into dream land.


We'll see what tomorrow can bring.