Better

That was today. I was still feeling miserable and my head was still fucked up a bit this morning, but after chiro, booking my uhaul and chilling out at home I hit the gym. I went out with friends last night but didn't drink or smoke or anything. They teased me, but I didn't eat anything, and had 3 jugs of diet coke. I didn't really feel like I fit in anymore. Listening to the one girl say that she created a deficit of calories each day so she could have a 600 cal poutine that night almost made my laugh, then puke. That poutine had to be close to 1000 cals, if not more, and creating a small deficit of 100 or so calories per day and then gorging on alcohol and poutine one night really won't help you balance things out. It will probalby add a few pounds instead. I went home depressed, still fucked up, cold and wanting to cry.... pretty much like I did when I drove home from the gym. What a fucked up day. Today I woke up feeling very similar. I went to chiro, chilled out at home then went to the gym. Shaun gave me a caffiene pill ( I think ) and holy fuck, within a very short time I was bursting with energy and feeling waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better. It was like being high, but retaining my memory. We powered through a leg day then I tried to kill myself on the spin bike for 35 min. I actually dripped sweat, something I never do. I don't know why, I just don't drip sweat ever.... except for today. Home, showered, ready for driving while vibrating from the pill. It peaked as I got home, and then I felt the effects until around 8pm or so. Worked until 1030pm and made some money, not quite as much as I had hoped for, but still a really good night. Shaun and his gal are coming over for dinner tomorrow so I'm making honey mustard salmon, steamed broccoli and brown rice. I may make banana bread or oatmeal cookies. I haven't decided yet. Today I did really well on intake. I was 144.0 this morning and almost fell of the scale in shock. I'm hoping to be below 145 by morning, but would be happier with below 144 (duh...). I had just a tea and half a glass of milk before the gym, and after I ate a yogurt, half the G2 drink, and took cucumber and a rice cake to work. I drank another tea, half a vitamin water and my water and ate the cucumber and only half the rice cake. Unfortunatly I shared a appetizer platter with one of the other girls, and then shared my half with the other driver so I did end up eating a bunch. It just felt like a shame that I was on my last shift and not able to eat something for half price. But now that's not a temptation anymore. I also ended up eating a bunch of chocolate covered ju jubes.... Tomorrow I would like to go for a bike ride but it depends on weather, roads, time, and how my poor legs feel. I HAVE to get some packing done tomorrow. I'm hoping for all CD's, excess dishes and cleaning out the shit room. Also, getting photos of the futon frame and the desk. I should clean out that thing too.... For food. I don't know. I guess it depends on what I weigh in the morning. I'd like to have some eggs or something but I'm not sure I can make myself. I almost want to go with nothing until dinner and then nothing again until Monday night after working out (5-6 so eat by 7?) but I don't think that will happen. I'll end up having to eat before so I don't completley crash... or maybe I should just crash. Ok, ice packs on my shoulder are no longer cold. Bed time.