Frustrations and Binges

I was 147.0 this morning. Well on track again. I went to the meeting and had only tea until Ezie tossed out chocolates. I ended up eating 5 M&M Peanuts and one of those teeny tiny snickers bars... total of 150cals. I ate the leftover raw veggies from yesterday while heading out of town and was still fine until I pulled over to get gas. I bought a 10cal vitamin water, $1 worth of 5c candy and a small box of Glosette Raisins.... Then I had one of those flamethrower grilled chicken wraps. I managed to avoid pulling over for more shit food and once I got home I headed out for a massage I couldn't afford but desperatly needed. My back will thank me in the morning!
Once back I had my half a knorr beef vegetable soup which is about 80 cals and I only ate half.... Then I had strawberries in nutella, a rice cake, and 2 bites of a wheatabix.

I couldn't stop myself. I just kept eating. I'm having serious issues with giving into chocolate cravings and that is what is stopping me getting lower. I like the no breakfast and the IF, but this giving into cravings in the evenings is turning into BS.

I'm still below 150, but barely, by .2lb and that was before I had my tea. I'm hoping that I can have a miracle night and get back down below 148 by morning. Gym tomorrow, and no food until after the gym. I drive at 5pm too so I'll just have a yogurt and salad before, take something like dry cereal for munchies, and then if I'm hungry when I get home, the leftover salad. I also think Sunday should be a liquid day...

I just need to drop. I'm so focused on that but I'm allowing my stomach to dictate stupid things and I"m following it. I need to listen to what my head is saying. No more junk, chocolate will be allowed on treat days. As of right now I"m going back to the every 7 days I can have a 'cheat' treat. Goal of course is to skip that treat.

Also tomorrow I need to do some serious packing/cleaning. All the DVD's, CD's and the extra dishes need to be done tomorrow, and maybe get started in on my clothes that I won't be wearing (if I can clean everything first). I really need to organize my filing cabinet also.

Ugh. I really really want a good number in the morning. I'm feeling like such a fucking failiure. I was doing so well. I was 137.2 at my lowest, and now I'm desperate to get to 147.

TOO FUCKING FAT!!!!