Fat Fuck

That's me today.

148.8.

I can't drop the weight.

I got up at 6am and hit the gym. I was suprised at how quiet it was!!! Did 25min on the elliptical plus arms (biceps, triceps and pecs) before heading home. Even cooked scrambled eggs after showering and made a salad loaded with tuna for lunch! Work was work, I almost caved halfway through the day and ate a bag of chips, but I stayed strong. Then while getting xrays I noticed that the top of my chest, the flat part above my boobs, when I stand straight i can see the definition of my ribs starting to show. That was pretty incredible. Pity I couldn't remember that for the rest of the day.

On my way home I stopped at Safeway for cottage cheese, egg beaters, yoghurt, salad mix and ended up walking out with cheese bread and a cookie too. I made the leftover soup then ate the cheese bread dipped in cottage cheese, chasing it down with the cookie. I felt gross. The soup should have been more than enough, but I still should have been around 1000 cals for the day. Went over to a friends house and while I craved food, I only had water. On the way home I caved.

Stopped at Safeway again and bought a pack of sugar coated mini donuts and the chocolate truffle cupcakes I was so fascinated with on Sunday night. I'd eaten half the donuts by the time I got home. I had another few donuts before tossing them, then started in on one of the cupcakes. Fortunatly it wasn't that good so I didn't eat the whole thing, and spat out a bunch. Tossed the rest.

That needs to be it. No more binging now. I can't afford it any longer. I'm going to top 150 tomorrow, I can feel it. I feel like all of this food has gone right to my ass, I swear my jeans feel tight, my flattening stomach is sticking out. Last month I was on vacation for 5 days and ate like a pig. With a holiday around food and inventory this month I can't afford any more fuckups.

Tomorrow it's back to Salad and Yoghurt (though adding the tuna for the protein) then going straight to the gym after work. 730 ends the class, so at least 8pm or 830 by the time I leave, then maybe some cottage cheese with cucumber for dinner, and some eggs or soup. I should have a negative or very close to, day tomorrow. Friday, just salad and yoghurt, and take one of those tuna salads driving in case I feel the need to pig out. Saturday I have chiro and will find out the results of the xrays, then training. After that NO FOOD for saturday night, and sunday. Try to go out for a ride on Sunday, then dinner with some salmon or something Sunday night (I actually don't have training on Monday so I theoretically could go most of monday sans food also. Start eating Monday night or Tuesday morning...) By tues I need to be 144 to be back on track. That's 6lbs if I hit 150 tomorrow. I should drop 3lbs very quickly if I stick to this...

I don't want to say it, but I'm thinking it.... Ana, come back!!!! I miss you!!!!