I only had water and tea until about 6pm. Then I had soup, veggies, popcorn (the 100 calorie pack, and I burnt a bunch of it.) and tea. In total, around 350 calories today.

So why do I weigh 153.3 right now?

This sucks. I'm so stressed, frustrated and irritated. Why can't I drop the weight? I did last time!!! I have to be 145, it's been my goal all month.

I'm of two minds. I desperatly want to drop the weight, but I want to do well at the gym, gain that muscle and do it all right. It takes waaaaay to long the right way, but part of me wants to do it so I can improve at the gym. Right now, I want to drop the weight, get down to that 130-135 range and see how that looks. If I like what I see, I can start eating properly and gaining the muscle. Theoretically if I can hit that 145 by next monday, I should be 135 by the end of oct, and 130 by the end of Nov. That gives me at least 2 months with 'S' before I potentially move, to gain the muscle and get on a great plan. If I don't move until late January/early Feb (obviously things will go crazy in Dec) I should look amazing for my new team.

I went through my cupboards today. I threw out all the Nutri Grain ('S' grimaced when I said I had those 2 months ago), the other granola bars, the spaghetti and pasta, anything with a ton of sugar. I bought frozen brocolli, cauliflower, brussell sprouts, salad, cucumber, milk, bean salad, and soup. I also grabbed some multigrain pasta but it's 310cal/serving so I have no idea when I'll eat it. I also couldn't bear to get rid of the cider, despite it's sugar content is almost my entire daily amount.

The new numbers chart states I must be at MINIMUM 151.9 by the morning. As I was 153 before my evening tea, not sure if I can drop the 1.4lbs by morning.

I was sore today, good thing!!! I'll be sure to tell him when I see him on Thursday (after his cracks about leaving me alone for a few workouts) as I'm sure he'll be as thrilled as he was when I could barely drag my ass upstairs yesterday. However, depends on how I feel tomorrow on what I do tomorrow. Also, depending on the weather. I'm hoping it's nice and I can go for a ride instead. Pure cardio. Also I can't go to the gym non stop as I'm afraid there'll be questions at some point. But if it's shitty out, I'll go there. I don't want to go too crazy. An hour, hour and a half max, and mostly cardio. If I can get there by 10 or so, I'll miss seeing him unless he has an early appointment, or at least get any weights out of the way so I don't run into him downstairs.

I joined a forum today. I need to keep focused, to find people who are in the same boat who I can talk to. Hopefully I'll find some inspiriation, and maybe some friends.

I don't want to go to bed.... I'm tired, but I've got too much on my mind....