Yesterday was crazy, and I`m still not sure what to make of it.

I cleaned the kitchen, but didn`t go through the cupboards. Went to the gym, got there late, managed 10min before joining `S` (yeah, I don`t know what the fuck is with the wierd ` but I`ll shut the laptop down and hopefully that will fix it). It was a leg day, so we did legs. I think we`ve figured out why my one knee has that wierd pain in it, as I managed reps without pain. I think I did the leg press at 235, which is mind blowing to me. I sure had wobbly legs after!!!! I mentionned how I couldn`t keep the sugar below the limits, and he laughed and did the aha kind of thing. We talked about fruit and peas being retardedly high in sugar, and how it`s just broccoli for me now. He mocked me as I slowly staggered up stairs to cool down. I did some arms, then another 15 min on the elliptical, leaving quite tired and ready for bed.

Did a close shift at work, and had fun. It was busy so I jumped on the cut table to help run until our orders came up. It was a fairly decent night, even if I had to work with `C`. Ran home at midnight and wondered what the rest of the night would do.

He actually showed up!!! `T`got to my house, picked me up and took me to the house party. He stayed, had 2 beers, then took me home. Once there, we bullshitted for an hour or so, then when he left, he kissed me. I don`t know what to think.... I didn`t ask him if he was still with whatserfuck, so I assume not? But what now? He said he`d call me if he came into town today, but do I want a relationship? Yes, but no. I like being on my own, but I want someone there, someone to want, and someone to want me.... My concern now is how will this affect me and my weight loss? Dating tends to involve a ton of eating, and I can`t do that, especially not now!!!

How about I chill and see what happens.

As far as the weight loss goes, I fucked it up good this weekend. While I still managed 150.9 yesterday morning, (again....) I ate pizza again last night, plus the beer, and I`m a whopping 152.7 this morning. All I`ve done is run to the bathroom, probably Friday`s binge, but I`ve hit 153.3 in the 2hrs I`ve been up.

`Wanted to go for a ride but I`m still worried about that cold that tried to get me. I`m still a bit snotty and feel like it could come back. Still popping the echinaecia to help. I think today I`ll take a quiet day at home, play on the computer, clean house, clean out the food, go buy more food if needed..... Tomorrow I`ll either hit the gym again or go for a ride, then tues is yoga plus some gym work. Weds, haven`t decided. I can either hit the gym or go for a ride. I have training on Thurs so it`s probably best if I`m not seen at the gym, but I can`t not exercise.

I have to hit 145 by the 27th. I`m 152.7 today. That`s 7.7lbs in 8 days. Pretty steep goal!!! But I have to hit it. I did this last time too I think. I was 5lbs over the goal and dropped it all in the last few days. But I have to be strict. NO pizza or ANY junk this week. I`m going to try to fast today, and end with soup (I want to find the beef vegetable soup today) which should drop me back to 150. Monday I need to break the 150 barrier and hit 149.whatever.

I`ve got a new numbers plan. There`s the .8, which if I hit it, will put me at 146.3 on weigh in day, 1.3lbs over my goal. .96 will put me right on the goal, giving me a 10.7lbs overall loss since last weigh in. This is what I want to hit, and the last is 1.1. It will put me at 143.9, 11.8lbs since last weigh in. This would be AWESOME to hit!!! For the 1.1 I have to be 151.6 tomorrow. Hopefully fasting will put me ahead of this game.

Time to shower and at least pretend that the day can go ahead......