I was 152.3lbs this morning and how I feel right now, I'm not going to be close to that tomorrow. I jumped on the scale when I got back from the gym and I was at a glorious 151.9lbs. Then after I just got home, 155, and I've just eaten 4 cupcakes. Ugh, I feel disgusting. I wish I could puke...

I used the sleep cycle clock on the iphone and I apparently sleep very deeply!!!! I woke at 9am but went back to sleep again and finally dragged my sorry ass out of bed at 10:30am.

Hit the gym a bit late, as is turning into the norm. Managed 15 minutes on the elliptical before the hour of training began. He changed it up a bit. Did a few different exercises and my poor posture is frustrating him. I think I'm frustrating him. He did make a mention about finding what it is that will motivate me. He's right. I'm not progressing fast enough, I feel like I'm barely progressing.

I did tell him my rib area was very sore but it's not almost agony like it was yesterday. He did pull me off one exercise to correct my posture and we sat for ages just talking. He was telling me about a ride he did, and I told him about the 35lb backpack. He said he was 2lbs off his October goal, and I'm 14lbs off my (what I tell him is mine, but it's his) goal. He thinks that my cardio isn't going as great a job as I'm beginning to adapt. I need to up the time spent, and intensity of my cardio.

We've changed my workout too. 3 day schedule instead of only 2, and less frequency, more reps. He's trying to push me, trying to get me to improve as I'm just not seeming to get anywhere. I think I know the problem. I'm so focused on losing the weight, I'm not getting enough protein to repair and rebuild the muscles. They're just staying the same. But that is my goal, my motivation. I want to hear him be shocked when I lose another (hopefully) 12lbs this month. I've got 2 weeks, 2 days. 9lbs to lose if I use this morning's weight. Fuck....

After the workout he booked some more appts for me and then we went full blown into iPhone mode. He wanted to see my new iPhone 4 so I let him play around with it. He was showing me apps, I showed him apps, we played around for about a half hour. I had fun!!! I love this damn phone. (oh, and he's a guitar player....)

I didn't do any cardio after as I figured I was already too cold by that time so I just went home, played on Billie for a bit, and wrapped the birthday gift.

Dinner with the 'K's was fun. The boy was so excited I was there, and I love seeing him. He's gotten to the hugging stage now so I received a marathon hug. For dinner I ate so much. By the time we got there I'd had a yoghurt and rice cake, less than 100 calories. According to the calorie app I've eaten over 2000 already. I had salmon fries, cheese bread, salad at the restaurant, 3 cupcakes with frosting back at the birthday gal's house, then I pigged out on 4.5 more once I got home. I still feel sick 2 hours later.

Tomorrow is going to be another stupid day. I've got that damn MIR with pizza and chips tomorrow night. I could go to the gym if the weather is shit again (it wasn't necessarily cold today, just windy as all hell.) but I think I shall go out on the bike. If I do a 2hr ride and toss in a hill or two, I should hopefully help to counter some of this massive overeating. On Monday I'll have to skip the gym, it's just not enought time between shifts. On Tuesday there's the yoga class, plus I'll do some weights etc also, Weds I have the next training, and Thursday more core. After the ride tomorrow I'll do some core work also. I so desperatly need it!

I should also have as much a fast day as I can on Monday. I may not have a hope in hell of hitting 150 on Monday (again, it depends on what happens on the scale tomorrow morning and how fast my body gets rid of what I ate today.) but I MUST do it early in the week. By weds at the latest. Hopefully all this eating did help me with the muscle gaining....

I ache all over. My ribs still hurt, my sides and abs hurt. Sitting up hurts, coughing is really painful and I think this all stems from the core training. However, smacking some vertabrae on that damn broomstick today isnt' helping matters. I hate to pop Advil but I think I need to so I'm not in too much pain tomorrow.

I hope I didn't fuck it up too much.....