Imagine

"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people."
-John Lennon

I love that quote. It sums up how I feel so often, especially since I stopped conforming, chopped my hair off, and began losing weight. I have short black hair (natural blonde) and almost daily have it in some version of a fauxhawk. I have tattoos in visible places, and wear dark makeup. I occasionally wear more than one necklace (usually my guitar pick is the extra one). I wear Macbeth vegan shoes, or Chuck Taylors (unless it's snowing and cold as neither help in -30C weather and have zero grip on ice) with jeans. I love my tour t-shirts, long sleeved t-shirts, and only recently began to dress in anything 'girly' as I have to buy things the correct size so when I lose more weight they'll still fit and be baggy.

I'm learning not to care what people think. When I was in Oakland no one batted an eyelash. I was one of many, yet different all in itself. Here I'm a freak, different, weird. I love freaking out the old people that come into work. They take one look at my mohawk and star tattoos and start looking for someone else. I then help them and often they are genuinly suprised to find out that I'm friendly, knowledgeable, educated, understanding but fair. My Dad doesn't like the hair and I respect that. He doesn't nag me anymore about my ink or my hair, but I do my part by covering up the artwork and doing the hair spiky all over instead of one big line.

Another part of that quote is what I'm discovering about myself now. Am I a freak because of my drive to lose the fat and flab that I see all over my body every time I look in the mirror? I am a 'normal' weight now. I don't think I'm normal at all and I can't wait to get to 135 even though I know that when I'm there, I'll wonder what 130 looks like, and that I must look much better at 125. Am I turning into one of 'those people'?

30 years ago today some freak jumped out and shot John Lennon outside his hotel and 30 years ago the world lost a member of one of the most famous bands ever, an activist for peace, and a driver of sharing love. He would have turned 70 several months ago and I wonder what he would think of the world now? Would he be arm in arm with Bono? Or would he still be holing himself up in a Montreal hotel room singing 'Give Peace A Chance?' Would he and the others have patched up their relationship and perhaps done one more album or would they have continued to go their own ways and have the careers they had anyways?

I woke up today feeling like crap. I turned off the first alarm and figuring I had 2 hours to go, closed my eyes again. Next thing I knew it was 9:50 and I had to leave for work in 25 min! Thank goodness I showered last night! I pried my eyes open and ran to the bathroom to get ready. It felt like my eyes were puffy and swollen as they just didn't want to stay open, and my forehead hurt but not in a headache like way. More like pressure pushing on my head. By about 3pm it had dissapated but the wind had kicked in. Explains the headache and hopefully it will get rid of the absolute ice rink in the parking lot.

Once work was done I headed to get tarts, mousse, and chocolate to make a desert for tomorrow. I also grabbed bananas to make banana bread for the gym next week. At home I chatted with my landlady and begged for some cat food that I'd forgotten to buy and we yapped for ages. When we were done I made some Tuscan Meatball soup (OMG, DELICIOUS!!! and 108cals/half can) and started on the tarts.

Now, I'd munched a bit on the chocolate bits, kinda look like buttons I used to get as a child. I figured I could have a lick off the spoon for the mousse and chocolate once I was done using them, and I did, but then I had to have a tart (I only ate half the pastry and the mousse was low cal) and then one more. I managed to stop there though so I guess it's a partial success. I'm enjoying my cup of tea before heading to bed....

Tomorrow should be another good day. I was 143.3 this morning, hoping for 142.5 or lower. Also got an awesome evening at the gym. Yoga at 530, then straight into core at 630. I work till 430 so I've got to leave right away so I can get the cardio in, then a cooldown on teh elliptical. Should be another 3hr workout. I'm still super stoked for Friday but I've gotta get Shawns phone number so I can get in!

Wander- Thanks :) Good thing about those binges is that it always seems to drop quicker... just wish I didn't have to get off track to begin with. I'd much rather learn to maintain for a few days rather than have to take a wild detour and gain then fight to get rid of it all! Yeah, you're right about the baking. I've got to keep an eye on it as there's somethings I know I will just go crazy on if I make them. So far I'm just trying stuff out.
Alba - It is me!!! lol. I am the same crazy exerciser from PT :)