Well that was....

I don't know what it was... fucked up? Wierd? Bizzare? Crazy? I mean, how did I end up driving around the city bawling my eyes out at 6:30pm?

The day started out great! I was 140.1 this morning. I was hoping for 140.5 but really didn't think I'd hit it. That number is FANTASTIC!!! I'm almost back on track! I am back on track to be 137.5 by the weigh in and a loss of 7lbs. Goal number 2, not the ideal goal number 3 for this month, but heading the right direction finally. I can only hope that this is the last time I EVER see a 4 in the middle number on my scale.

Went to chiro then off to work, beginning the day just fine. Ok, so I had some of the chocolate I took to work and drank half the white Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks that David brought, but I still felt good. Had my lunch while doing a ton of catch up and getting so much stuff done but only ate the salad given that I pigged out on Mike and Ikes in the lunch room added to the chocolate and Starbucks. Did my stupid greeting shift that I've managed to avoid every week until this week. Pissed Sheri off at work though coz I needed to send out some info to the team and I needed time to do it and I kept sticking my head in the office to say, hey, hurry the hell up. An hour is an hour. She drives me nuts some days and I wonder if she has any respect for me at all as her supervisor.

Bailed at 5pm to get to the gym (after I called in sick to job number 2) and got there right around 5:20.. Managed to talk to Shaun and he said to sneak back in and claim I was in the class. I did, jumped on a treadmill at 5:45 and promptly got kicked off at 6pm.

FUCK

I was pissed. I ran for 15 fucking minutes. That's barely warmed up. When I went to hit the changeroom Shaun was trying to talk to me and say he was sorry, but he 'got caught.' No worries, I really appreciate the attempt and I sincerely mean that. I don't want him to catch shit for trying to be nice but oh well. I changed and figured I'd see if my friend was still at work, see if we can get my hair done. She wasn't so I kept driving.

And that's when the waterworks happened. I couldn't figure out what to do with myself. I didn't want to go home as I was terrified of indulging in food and blowing it right when I was getting back on track. As I'm driving by all these restaurants I just kept thinking how fucked up was I that I was driving around on icy roads, bawling my eyes out, scared to go home in case I ate something. I just kept seeing all those restaurants pass by and I wanted to stop and comfort myself with food. I debated going into work and getting some shit done but the crying had made me feel sleepy so I headed home, still a bit sniffly, and a bit pissed that I'd wasted my night and hadn't gone made some money instead.

I cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, started doing my Sunday laundry and did the dishes. I did settle for scrambled eggs for supper though with some tea and dry cheerios for a snack.

Today, I've had about 700 cals. I guestimated 150 for the half a mocha, and 200 for the chocolate and candy. Without those I would have been at 350 for the day. I did jump on the scale and I was 139.6 before I had my tea, but after the eggs. I would love to see 138 by morning!

Hoping to wake up early and finish some shopping as I have to hit the stupid mall and it's gonna be NUTS in there! Go to the gym and run for ages before training, then kill myself on the eliptical. It's leg day tomorrow so I should exhaust myself nicely. Got invited to a co-workers birthday party. Some of that group I consider friends so I should go as they keep inviting me. There'll be alcohol and food so I can have a drink and maybe some food, depending....

I feel better now... Almost like I needed that lame cry. Hopefully that's it for a year or so now!