I just went nuts again.. as if last night wasn't enough. I've just stuffed half a large order of cheese breadsticks and about a quarter of a pzone down my throat. I almost made it out of there without it.... Now I've gone and fucked it all up.

Last night I went on a sweet craving and had an awesome chocolate cake with real sugar icing but it only cost me .3lbs. I was still under my 5lbs goal and over the 10lb goal by 1.4lbs.

Today I ate eggs for breaky so I could have the energy for later. Ran at the gym, then onto leg day.... That damn leg press will kill me. We went up to 20 reps and I think we're on 235 still but he said next time we go up! We did a ton of different exercises, jumping between one and the other. I was quite crazy and I was very tired by the time I was done. I wished him a happy turkey weekend, he joked about me not being able to walk tomorrow.

I'm scared for tomorrow. I don't know what to expect. I have to get up at 8am and check the wind. If it's nice, get on the bike and go out for at least an hour, regardless of how the damn legs feel. I need that time. If it's howling wind I'll have to go to the gym as I can't get any time in on Monday. That done, just tea and maybe broth soup for the day, and I've gotta go buy new black pants seeing as mine don't fit anymore. Dinner is at 6pm, so head there and I want to enjoy myself. I'll eat that amazing dip, and have dinner with tons of veggies, a piece of whatever is for desert, and make a quick exit.

Monday morning, if I can, get out for a ride. I can't go to the gym as I won't have time because of work. Then work and fast. Salad, tea, and yoghurt. For dinner, broth soup. I'll deal with Tuesday when it hits.

I'm 149.5lbs right now, pre cup of tea. If I can drop at least 2lbs overnight, that's 147.5lbs. I should be able to keep that overnight, then the day of light light food intake I should drop.

I dunno.... I've really fucked up. I'm not going to hit 134 by Oct 25th. I keep thinking to myself that I have an extra week because of inventory, but I don't know that for sure. If not, I have 14 days to drop 10lbs. In that time I've got a trip north to contend with as well.... though I hear it's good for my metabolism to keep yo-yo-ing.

I'm just not happy today. Why did I let this happen again? Fine, it's not as bad as the crazy binge I had 2 weeks ago, but why did I allow it to happen?

It can't again. I'm in control. I need to stop the sugar cravings, the fat cravings. Water, juice, tea. I will hit 13? this month. I will lose at least 10lbs for the next weigh in. I want to be 120 by Xmas.